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Still and quiet feline form, In the sun, asleep and warm. His tail is limp his Whiskers drooped. Man, what could make This cat so pooped? |
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My mom and dad are not what they seem, Their dull appearance is part of their scheme. I know of their plans. I know their techniques. My parents are outer space alien freaks! They landed on earth in spaceships humongous. Posing as grownups, they now walk among us. My parents deny this, but I know the truth. They're here to enslave me and spoil my youth. Early each morning, as the sun rises, Mom and dad put on their earthling disguises. I know right away their masks weren't legit. Their faces are lined - they sag and don't fit. The earth's gravity makes them sluggish and slow. They say not to run, wherever I go. They live by the clock. They're slaves to routines. They work the year 'round. They're almost machines. They deny that TV and fried food have much worth. They cannot be human. They're not of this earth. I cannot escape their alien gaze, And they're warping my mind with their alien ways. For sinister plots, this one is a gem. They're bringing me up to turn me into them! |
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The following 'prayer' is from "Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat". Calvin
speaks this, before throwing his snowball. His comment: "I
only throw consecrated snowballs".
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Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. |
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Another night deprived of slumber, |
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From the darkness, by the closet |
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A can of Mace, a forty-five, |
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Suddenly a floorboard creak |
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Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles! |
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This disgusting aberration |
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I know this 'cause I read it not |
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In the morning, they'll come in |
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Dad will look at Mom and say, |
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They may not mind at first, I know. |
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As speedily my end approaches, |
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HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN! |
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The monster, in his consternation, |
Tigers are mean. Tigers are fierce. Tigers have teeth and claws that pierce. |
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Tigers are great, they can't be beat. If I was a tiger, that would be neat. |
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Tigers are nimble and light on their toes, my respect for tigers continually grows. |
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Tigers are perfect, the e-pit-o-me of good looks and grace and quiet dignity. |
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Tigers are great! They're the toast of the town. Life's always better when a tiger's around! |
How much is that tiger in the window? The one who does nothing but sleep? We'll spread him out flat in the rec room and have a new rug if he's cheap! |
My tiger, it seems, is running 'round nude. This fur coat must have him made perspire. It lies on the floor - should this be construed As a permanent change of attire? Perhaps he considers its colors passé, Or maybe it fit him too snug Will he want it back? Should I put it away? Or use it right here as a rug? This tiger is sprawled so still and so flat, a question arises when glancing there at. Is he asleep? To be perfectly frank, he looks more as if he was creamed by a tank! |
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Tiger sprawling in the sun! Fast asleep, his day is done. Lying here, 'twas warmth he sought. The sun has made his tummy hot. One sad fact he overlooked: His brain is now completely cooked! |