The Adventures of Sgt. BoB and his long time companion Zippy
One day Sgt. BoB was patrolling the neighborhood for crooks. BoB stopped at a stoplight, but the driver behind him was looking at a cow and didn't see Sgt. BoB stop.
The cow was an illegal cow. It was skiing through the intersection with its 350 horsepower Mercury Outboard, which was an illegal engine for water that shallow. The man behind Sgt. BoB suddenly got out of his car, bought the boat from the cow, and sped away. "Go-Go Gadget skiboat," said Sgt. BoB and the chase was on!
The Mercury was flying like a madman drowning helpless pedestrians everywhere. Sgt. BoB called out into his mike "Space Platform 1079, do you copy?" "Roger, this is Space Platform 1079." Sgt. BoB then said,"Request terminator force to beam down and engage." "Roger, they're on their way." BoB knew it would be a while. . .
Meanwhile the terminators beamed down into a Rally's on the other side of town. AAUUGGHH!!! People started throwing Raid muffins at the hideous beasts. Then the terminators shot all the people and blew up Rally's. *BOOM* Then they flew to Sgt. BoB's position and started shooting at the Mercury. The man in the Mercury turned around and the terminators saw he was James Bond Jr. They all started bowing and paying homage to him for they were all fans of his cartoon show.
Sgt. BoB took this oppertunity to arrest James Bond Jr. for driving his boat too fast in too shallow water. But the terminators started to protest, so Sgt. BoB called Space Platform 1079 and had them beamed back up. "Go-Go Gadget police van!" said BoB when they were all gone. As BoB sped to the county jail (which looked more like a summer home for Ross Perot, then a jail) he got rear-ended by a man behind. As Sgt. BoB got out of his van (which is now two feet long) he noticed that the man that had rear-ended him was Ross Perot. But Ross got scared and ran away when he saw BoB coming.
Wonderful, the monn gate appeared on Sgt. BoB and he was magically whisked away to the land of Ultima. He talked to a guy named Coulbin. Soon afterwards another moongate appeared and they were transported to the hot New Mexico desert. Coulbin and BoB were starving and decided to eat a Calfornian Condor. After eating the condor they were arrested by the Game and Fish Comission. But the Commission, realized that BoB and Coulbin had eaten the condor that had been terrorizing towns in Florida, and decided to give them medals. They were now heros.
Since Sgt. BoB and Coulbin were now heros they were introduced to Capt. James T. Kirk, General Patton, and Elvis. Kirk, Patton, and Elvis decided that Coulbin was no longer a major character and replaced him with Darth Vadar.
So, Sgt. BoB, Kirk, Patton, Vadar, and Elvis went to the movies. Darth Vadar got an Extra Large Coke and it cost him $15,000. Vadar got pissed but forked over the dough because he was thirsty. For those of you who don't know, liquids run straight through Darth Vadar, so soon after drinking the Coke he had to take a leak. Vadar went into the bathroom and took a piss. When in the bathroom, he let out a ripper of a fart and some people started to laugh, so he killed them!
By the time Vadar returned Sgt. BoB ad heard about Vadar killing the people and arrested him. Kirk got pissed that Vadar got arrested and shot General Patton with his phaser. Then the movie theater transformed into a bar and everyone started fighting. Every once in a while they saw a beam of light from Kirk's phaser and laughed at that.
The movie kid that had sold Darth Vadar his Coke came in and started selling Cokes. Darth Vadar went up to the kid to get his money back, but the kid said no and pissed on Vadar's shoe. Everyone laughed and Vadar was sad because he was lonesome for his kitty "Furry".
Everyone kept fighting, laughing, pissing, and laughing some more at Kirk's phaser because it was funny. Sgt. BoB decided the he no longer wanted to arrest Darth Vadar and left the movie theater just in time to see a newly modified steam roller roll over the theater.
"Man that was close!" Sgt. BoB said. So they put him in a moon rocket and he and his partner were off to the moon. When they got to the moon BoB thought that his partner turned into Dracula, so when his partner went out to collect moon pieces Sgt. BoB slammed the door and blasted off! BoB's partner called him on the radio and told him he wasn't Dracula, but BoB said, "Think again Batman!" and left.
His partner REALLY wasn't Dracula, but Sgt. BoB didn't know. ...Anyways, BoB went through space in his very nice moon rocket, and turned on the ceiling fan. After a while he turned it off because Elvis was getting cold (and ya'll thought he was dead!) But BoB noticed the ceiling fan wouldn't turn off and Elvis wasn't complaining anymore. When he turned and asked Elvis's opinion on how to turn off the ceiling fan he noticed that Elvis was gone and in his place was Dracula! When BoB tried to arrest Dracula for impersonating and officer's partner, Dracula took his M-16 and made the walls BLEED! (Is this story not strange?!)
Then all of a sudden, the ceiling fan, which BoB neglected to turn off fell on top of Dracula and lopped his head off! Then the Black Knight came in and started to fight King Arthur. Then all hell broke loose and the Knights who say "NIE" came in chasing a swallow! The swallow dropped its coconut on top of Brian and he no longer thought he was God. The Knights who say "NIE" ran off chasing the swallow, who most recently left. So, BoB was left standing there with Dracula's body. Sgt. BoB protector of the piece (that is... a piece of Pumpkin, no make that Lemon Meringue Pie!) beamed Amanda, Debbie, and Brent on board to find the Holy Cow? Wait just a minute! That is a bunch of crap! It was a Satan Cow! Satan Cow started chasing Amanda and Debbie throughout the ship, when all of a sudden Brent pulled out his 90mm recoilless rifle and shot Satan Cow DEAD! For now the peril was deceased. Sgt. BoB came in and saw Brent holding the smoking gun and Satan Cow dead, and asked "What's for lunch?"
Avez-vous du rosbif?" said Debbie. Roast Beef?! From a Satan Cow?! After lunch of hamburgers and roast beef Amanda started acting really strange. NO, I MEAN REALLY STRANGE! Was it something they ate?
No, it wasn;t something they ate. It was something they had done while eating. Everything was fine until Debbie decided to do something crazy. She went around the corner and turned into a creature with 12 couw heads. Funny they ate cow, and she grew 12 cow heads...Anyways, with Debbie and her 12 cow heads everyone was confused.
Meanwhile James Bond Jr. had made his way out of the police van. SO, he decided to run away to Washington, where he stole Buzz Aldren's keys to the Apollo spacecraft and blasted off into outerspace. But, being the bad pilot that he was, James Bond Jr. managed to lock the bumpers on the two spacecrafts. Now everyone's orbit was erratic and both crafts were plummeting towards the Earth. Luckily the Apollo's underbelly was coated with super heat absorbing ceramic tiles and thus no one was killed. As they fell towards Earth, they had a near miss with Martians, but Debbie being out of her 12 minds couldn't operate the camera. They managed to land in Magic Springs (a fun park), but everyone was kicked out, except for bob because he had a season pass.
BoB continued through the vast land of Magic Springs. But BoB was alone, or atleast he thought he was. No one was at Magic Springs, big shocker considering a nuclear bomb went off earlier. "Oh, well", BoB said, "atleast the lines won't be long." But inside BoB was sad because he was alone. BoB decided he would ride the log ride and started towards it. On the way BoB heard a "Who's there?" BoB asked. "Me." said a magician. "Oh, ok." said BoB. After riding the log rode 17,824,387,987,381 times he decided to leave and find some Advil! As BoB stepped onto the sidewalk to find the Advil he saw Mrs. Steward sitting under a big tent teaching English. AUGH!! Sgt. BoB had no choice but to arrest Mrs. Steward for disturbing the peace. As she continued to talk about vocabulary and usage the magician appeared and tunred Mrs. Steward into Mrs. Purvis! Double AUGH!! She then preceded to teach the learning essentials for the day. Sgt. BoB had just about enough. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Mr. Pocket Guillotine and executed Mrs. Purvis, who used to be Mrs. Steward. The magician appeared all of a sudden and caught the head in a basket and transported it to...HOCKEY LAND! There it was used as a puck for many years to come.