Ikariku's Funny Library

!!!!! Notice !!!!!!

All the jokes i posted on the homepage is composed by someone else, not me..
I have no copyrights on those jokes.....
If u r the composer.... then sorry....
If u r just a reader... then enjoy....







  • 1. 感謝上帝


    有位牧師要賣一匹馬，他的馬只要說"感謝上帝"就會開始跑， 要停下來就說"讚美主"當眾示範給買主看，果然如他所說… 就有一人買了下來。 那人回家後就試看看，一跳上馬就說"感謝上帝"，馬果然跑了 起來，而且非常的快，跑了許久，突然前方有個斷涯，緊張之 下竟然忘了如何停下來，就在斷涯前一，二尺時，想了起來， 趕緊喊了"讚美主"，馬便停下了,那人如獲救般地拍拍胸前， 喘了口氣說"感謝上帝"………


    2. 求愛宣言


    1.機械系資優男生的求愛宣言:


    我身上這根過度浪漫的螺釘, 只有妳這顆精密完美的螺帽才能將我緊緊
    栓牢, 除了妳以外, 其他的不是太大就是太小。


    2.電子系才子才女的浪漫之夜:


    男: (臉紅紅)我是Ｐ極妳是Ｎ極, 我們永不分離, 組成最好的二極體。
    女: (羞答答)我要替你生一鍋愛的ＮＰＮ電晶體.....


    3.化工系萬人迷的帥哥和美女之定情小語:


    我是強酸妳是強鹼, 讓我們中和吧, 免得一不小心就對別人造成傷害。


    4.工管系的美眉最震動他的一句甜話:


    人家以後早晚都是要給你這鍋 "公" 管的嘛....


    5.電機系高材生的洞房之夜:


    男: 好了, 嗯...電極終於找到插座, 我要來放電囉!
    女: 你的 "絕緣套" 戴了嗎? 人家不想太早成為 "電瓶"......


    6.讀資訊的同學


    插上我這顆CPU,將讓你的主機板享受到 " 奔騰 " 的快感!!!


    7.機械系外銷電機系的求愛宣言:


    讓我們"機電整合"好嗎??


    8. 化學系系對的定情小語:


    我是central ion,妳是ligand..讓我們來配位吧 　


    9. 交通管理的新婚夜:
    男:把"路面"整理一下,晚上要正式通車了
    女:請做好運量評估,晚上有多少"旅次"?


    3. Silly computer joke..


    Anytime you are feeling really stupid about your computer - don't
    worry. Check out the following excerpts from the Wall Street Journal.
    You will soon realize there are some really STUPID computer users out
    there!!!!!!!!!


    1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
    "Press Enter or Return" because of the flood of calls asking where the
    "Any" key is.


    2. AST Technical Support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
    hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be
    the plastic bag it was packaged in.


    3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
    that the system could not read the word processing files from his old
    diskettes. After trouble shooting for magnets and heat failed to
    diagnose the problem, it was found the customer had labeled his disks
    and then rolled them in his typewriter to type the labels.


    4. Another AST customer was asked to send in a copy of her defective
    diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
    with Xeroxed copies of her floppies.


    5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
    back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
    hold on, and then was heard putting the phone down and slamming the
    door.


    6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
    to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
    discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
    front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" button.


    7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so it
    was suggested he go to Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends"
    the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man
    said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks".


    8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
    longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling his tub with soap and
    water and soaked the keyboard for a day. Then removed it and washed
    each key individually.


    9. A Dell Technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
    because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech
    had to explain that the computers "bad command" and "invalid"
    responses should not be taken personally.


    10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
    her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
    plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the
    power button. Her response was, "I pushed and pushed on this foot
    pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the
    computer mouse.


    11. Another customer called Compaq Tech Support to say her brand new
    computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it
    in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.
    When asked what happened when she pushed the power switch, she replied
    "what power switch?.


    12. From a Novell NetWare System Operater:
    Caller: Hello is this Tech Support?


    Tech: Yes it is, how may I help you?


    Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and i am within my warrenty
    period. How do I go about getting that fixed?


    Tech: I'm sorry, but did you say cupholder?


    Caller: Yes. It's attached to the front of my computer.


    Tech : Please excuse me if i seem a bit stumped, but it's because I
    am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show?
    how did you get this cup holder? Does it have a trademark on it?


    Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
    promotional and i haven't been to a trade show. It just says "4X" on
    it.


    At this point the tech had to mute the caller because he couldn't
    stand it. The caller have been using the load drawer for the CD-ROM
    drive as a cup holder and it had snapped off !!!


    4. 皮鞋


    有位先生收到一件聖誕禮物,是一雙油油亮亮的皮鞋,
    剛巧可以用來參加晚上的聖誕舞會...
    舞會開始了,他著盛裝及那雙新皮鞋步入會場,隨即尋找
    美麗的女孩作他的舞伴...在和女孩跳舞的同時,他發現
    經由自己腳上的皮鞋較光亮的一面,可以窺視到女孩裙子
    裡的小褲褲,其效果就像腳上裝了面鏡子一樣,履試不爽...
    「嗯...白色的!」「哇...這個不錯!紅色的ㄛ~~」就這
    樣"得逞"了幾次之後,他看上了一位身材惹火,穿著前衛
    的年輕女子...他就慢慢的走到那位小姐的身後,然後偷
    偷把腳伸進她的裙子底下,準備一窺究竟...
    看著看著....這位先生突然皺起眉頭,自言自語起來:怎
    麼今天剛收到的皮鞋,這麼快就裂開了?真是的...


    5. 滑雪


    有天,甲,乙,丙三人至野外玩,晚上搭帳篷過夜
    當晚,三人並排而睡至天明.
    早上一起來,睡在乙左邊的甲發現褲子怎麼黏搭搭的,並說"我昨晚又沒有做春夢,
    褲子怎麼這樣??" 這時,睡在乙右邊的丙也有同樣狀況,也說"我昨晚也沒有做春夢,
    褲子怎麼這樣??" ,當兩人正在懷疑時,
    這時,乙醒了並說" 呵呵,我昨天夢到我在滑雪耶!!"


    6. 造句


    請問各位喔..有誰能在三個步驟以內把
    每日,老師要小朋友造句...
    １．說明
    爸爸叫我乖一點，他說明天要帶我出去玩！
    ２．難過
    路上車子很多，所以很難過！
    ３．先．．．．再．．．．
    我先走了，再見！　
    ４．搞屁．．．．
    　　　　　你搞快點,我想放屁！
    　　　厲害吧！！！　　　　　　


    7. 名字


    有一個印第安部落，一天一個小印第安小孩問他爸爸說：“爸！我的名
    字是如何來的呢？“，他爸爸說“是這樣的，在我們印第安人，當我們
    一生出來，你的父親會馬上走出室外，然後看到的第一件事情或東西就
    是你的名字了，所以勒，你的哥哥叫“狼嚎“，你的姊姊叫“陽光“.....
    你為何問我這個問題勒，兩隻正在ＸＸ的狗？？“
    給看不懂的人：“兩隻正在ＸＸ的狗為小男孩名字“


    8. 猜人名


    這是我以前在補習班聽到的.....
    女人的下部.....
    .....猜人名....


    "孔子"嗎？？


    9. 徵婚啟示


    有一個很漂亮的單身女郎,
    她在報紙上登出了一則徵婚啟示,一共三個條件,
    1.結婚後不能打我
    2.結婚後不能拋棄我
    3.結婚後要能讓我滿足...
    隔了一天,有一個人來應徵了,
    那女郎聽到敲門聲一開門看到了一個四肢殘廢的人,
    女郎說:你並不符合我的條件啊..
    殘廢說:我沒手所以我不會打妳..
    我沒腳所以我不會拋棄妳..
    女郎說:那第三個條件一定不行了吧..
    殘廢說:那可不一定,你知道我剛剛是怎麼敲門的嗎!!
    Don't U understand ??????


    10. 需...求.. 出現


    不是都先有市場的需...求..
    才會有產品的出現嗎...






    不論是 " 妓 "還是 " 嫖 ",
    都有 " 女 "字旁,
    照文字學來看............
    應該是先有..............
    I thinks the composer has no meanings in insulting female....
    But if u feel angry about this... I apologize !!!




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