Ikariku's Funny Library
!!!!! Notice !!!!!!
All the jokes i posted on the homepage is composed by someone else, not me..
I have no copyrights on those jokes.....
If u r the composer.... then sorry....
If u r just a reader... then enjoy....
141. ¬°¤°»ò ?
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46.µ´¦a¤¤Q¤Ø¤kªiÅQ
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49.Let's learn English by "Oral Practice"(¤fÀY½m²ß)
50.¨Å©Ð»P¤ë«G¤§¥~¶Ç---¤j¦ë³ù
51.¨ë¿E..«©...¤[...¤[...ø...
52.´²¼½Åw¼Ö´²¼½·R
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54.Å]"Às"¶Ç©_
55.Happy 543
56.µL¼ÄÅK²ô¨z
57.¤jÅ]÷---SM±M¶°
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143. TV AXIOMS
There may be an occasional exception, but these are almost always
true.
1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased
ÿ by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4. Crazy people are always dangerous.
5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6. Good guys are always outnumbered.
7. Good guys always win and get the girl.
8. Ugly people are always bad guys.
9. Good guys are always good looking.
10. Sex, murder, and mayhem is a way of life.
11. Good guys are the only ones that have a sense of humor.
12. Cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how slight.
13. If you jump hundreds of feet into water, it will always be deep
ÿ enough.
14. The head bad guy is always smart. The guys working for him are
ÿ always stupid.
15. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
16. Bathrooms are only made for sex, murder, and drugs.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. Women will faint at crucial times.
19. Good guys will always get shot in the arm or leg.
20. All Chinese people know Karate.
21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
22. Rich people are either unhappy or private detectives.
23. Teenagers are always smarter than their parents.
24. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
25. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
26. Indians make good fodder.
27. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
28. Computers never crash.
29. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood
ÿ from the corner of their mouth.
30. No one farts, except after eating beans.
31. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 people.
32. Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the
ÿ good guys, but will leave before finding out if it works.
33. Christmas Eve and Halloween night lasts for three or four days.
34. Movies based on true stories are always made up.
35. Police never wait for back-up.
36. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
37. Private detective work is glamorous.
38. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of
ÿ the ninth and two outs.
39. All police killings are in self defense.
40. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
41. Good guys don't take drugs.
42. Nobody on TV has time to watch TV.
144. You Know You're Playing Warcraft Too Much When....
...you answer the telephone by saying "Sire?"
...everytime a plane flys over your yard, you start shooting arrows at it.
...when arriving late for a class, you announce your presence by saying,
"New troll here."
...in picking out a site for a new building, you kill any animals that are
in your way instead of attemping to move them.
...everytime someone calls your name, you respond with a "What ho?" or "My
leige?"
...before going for a swim at the local pool, you scan the water for sea
turtles.
...when you and your friends get into a fight, you try casting "Bloodlust"
on them so you can have the advantage.
...everytime a mist appears you panic thinking that if you stay in it for
too long you'll die.
...when a wall is in your path, you try bashing it in with your fist
instead of just walking around it.
...you can repeat the introduction word for word (with inflection)
...everytime you go horseback riding you have this uncontrollable urge to
hold a large, green-flamed torch, and yell "I'm alive!"
...you stare for hours on end at a piece of roadkill and wonder why it
doesn't decompose and disappear in the space of two minutes.
...an explosion occurs just a few feet away and you just stand there
because you "...haven't been given any orders.."
...everytime you pass a church or cathedral, you keep expecting to hear
people chatting in Latin.
...you join the school's archery club just so you can check and see if any
of the members are Elves.
...upon the frustration of someone else's inability to make a decision you
yell (with a perfect knight accent) "Make up your mind!"
...you get enraged everytime someone compares Warcraft to Command and
Conquer.
...you frequently go to funerals and try to cast "Raise Dead" on the
corpses thinking that you'll have a skeleton to boss around.
...you keep contacting the U.N. and ask them when they plan on retaking
Azeroth from the Horde.
145. Q&A of 'Men'
Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. "What men know about women"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just One. Men will screw anything.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How do men take bubble baths?
A. They eat beans for dinner.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
A. Gifted!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A. One hour of begging...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell if a man sexually excited?
A. He's breathing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Government bonds mature,,,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can understand them too..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why are blonde jokes one-liners?
A. So men can remember them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. I don't know it's never happened...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces??
A. Because they ARE stupid....!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. How are men and parking lots alike?
A. The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left, are
ÿ handicapped....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
146. Acronymn
Airline Acronymn:
SIA - Suffer in Agony
MAS - Must always suffer
CAAC - (Civil Aviation Adminstration of China) - China Airlines Always
ÿ Crash
PAL (Philippines Airlines) - Plane Always Late
ALITALIA (Italian Airlines) - Always Late in Takeoff and Late in Arrival
ÿ - Laways Late in Takeoffs and Landings if Any
TAP (Portugese Airline) - Take Another Plane
Defence Acronymn:
SAF - (Singapore Armed Forces) Serve and Forget
ÿ Serve and F#@*-off
NAVY - Never Always Volunteer Yourself
OETI - (Ordnance Engineering Training Institute) Only Eat Talk and Idle
SISPEC - (School of Infantry Specialists) Suffer In Silence Plus Extras
ÿ & Confinements
WITS - (Work Improvement Teams) Waste Individual Time Session
ÿ We Idle Together Session
Politics Acronymn:
PAP - Pay And Pay
SDP - So Don't Pay
WP - Why Pay
Miscellaneous Acronymns:
DHL - Delivery Halfway Lost
JTC - (Jurong Town Council) Jokers Training Centre
YMCA - You May Come Again
DEVAN NAIR (Spore's ex-President) - Don't Ever Vote A Nair, No Alcohol I
ÿ Resign
MARLBORO - Man Always Respect Lady Because Of Romance Only
AIDS - All In Defence of Singapore
NATO - No Action Talk Only
MBBS - ("MEdicinae Baccalaureus" - Bachelor Of Medicine) Mouth Big,
ÿ Brain Samll
NUS - (National University of Singapore) Never USe Sense
ÿ Not Up to Standards
ÿ Nothing Up Stairs
NTU - (Nanyang Technological University) Never Thought Using
ÿ Ninja Turtle University
NUSSU - (NUS Student union) No Use, So Screw Up
BATA - Buy and Throw Away
PHD - Permanent Head Damage
ÿ Premature Health Deficit
ÿ Pile High in Deepshit
DUNHILL - Do Undress Nicely, Hope It Lasts Longer
EDB - (Economic Development Board) Enough, Don't bluff
PUB - (Public Utilities Board) Pay Until Broke
MRTC (Mass Rapid Transit Company) More Road Tax Coming
SBS - (S'pore Bus Service) Super Blur Sotong
ÿ Screwed-up and Bad Service
TCS - (Television Corporation of Spore) Talk Cock Station
SDU - (Social Development Unit) Single, Desperate and Ugly
ÿ Sexually Depressed and Unwanted
GST - (Goods and Services tax) Government Salary Tax
ÿ Gasak semua tax
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