Ikariku's Funny Library

!!!!! Notice !!!!!!

All the jokes i posted on the homepage is composed by someone else, not me..
I have no copyrights on those jokes.....
If u r the composer.... then sorry....
If u r just a reader... then enjoy....






  • 241. 吃不到肉,喝湯也好!
    志明與美芳是一對情侶,他們相處了很久,關係亦非常密切, 常共赴巫山雲雨一番,可是不知道為了什麼,感情出現了裂 縫,美芳竟然提出分手,志明非常不捨得,多年的....竟然就 此劃上句點,礙於美芳的心意已決,於是志明向美芳提出一 個要求,要美芳無論如何一定要答應,美芳心想既然要分手了 那就答應他最後的要求吧!此時美方心中所想的是縱慾的志 明一定是會向她要求再做一次愛,所以很爽快的就答應了,沒 想志明隨即至廚房拿了一個碗公出來,美芳很納悶,一直問他 要幹什麼,志明要她灑一泡尿到碗公裡,美芳的服從性極高, 就將褲子一脫馬上裝了一碗公,可能也正好想尿吧!隨後,志 明將他那話兒放進那碗公裡泡著,一付自得其樂的樣子,口裡 還嘟嚷著
    " 吃不到肉,喝湯也好! "


    242. 鰻魚 !
    有三胞胎在媽媽的肚子中,三個人在討論出生後長大要做啥麼
    "這裡又黑又暗;我長大後要當水電師,為大家裝設電燈使大地光明" 在最裡面的老么說
    "我長大後要當建築師,建造房子;這裡實在太擠了!"被擠在中間的老二說!
    "我長大後要當魚夫"前面的老大說,
    " 為啥?????"老么及老二問
    "喔!!您們都不曉得,每天晚上都有一隻鰻魚跑進來;抓都抓不住"老大回答


    243. 山水畫---沒人
    胖子吃肥肉---加油
    夏天的棉被---不是蓋的
    一二三五六---沒(四)事
    山水畫---沒人
    瞎子算命---瞎說
    兩張畫捲在一起---畫(話)中有畫(話)
    上吐下瀉---兩頭忙
    廁所裡撐竿跳---過糞(份)
    過期的藥---失效了
    大砲打麻雀---大材小用
    廁所裡掛鐘 --- 有始有終
    寡婦死兒子 --- 沒指望
    光頭打傘 --- 無法無天
    外甥點燈籠 --- 照舊


    244. W.C ----美以美教堂 !!!
    一對新婚夫婦到鄉下買房子,在看過一棟似乎十分令人滿意的房子後, 他們便駕車返城,稍後,太太突然想她們的新居沒有廁所,至少他們沒有看到, 於是他們便寫信詢問地主有關它最方便的地點是位於何處,但是不好意思直接了當地提及 "廁所"....(water closet)二字,而以W.C來代替, 毫無疑問的,鄉下地主對於"W.C"一點概念也沒有,他請教了一些朋友, 他們都一致認為"W.C"二字是代表"美以美教堂"...(Wesleyan Chourch)!!!!! 於是地主便回了以下這封信:


    對於你的詢問,我們的答覆是:"W.C"是位於貴府大約十里處,我們得承認這個距離 似乎遠了點,但如果你一向常去的話,你將會很高興知道有不少人帶著他們的午餐 在那裡消磨一天...沒有車子的人可搭乘巴士,它將會準時到達... 上次我和我太太去是在五年前,當時的出席率極加,而我們不得不用站的, 當然我不能常常去亦是件可惜的事,那裡的確是個迷人的地方, 有三百個座位,五十個站位...你或許有興趣知道,不久即將舉行義賣為其籌備基金, 以增設豪華座位應付長期之需.......


    245. 想在公車上吸引大家注意力嗎?
    想在公車上吸引大家注意力嗎? 很簡單,這邊教各位一個失落的的秘技


    1.先把硬物放入外套或褲子口袋


    2.故意撞公車梯子上之鐵扶手 讓它發出"噹"一聲巨響


    3.再拉一拉自己的褲子,說"唉~~ 都是練帝王神功惹的禍"保證 你馬上成為全車注目的焦點


    筆者(班刊原作者,不是我)上次不小 心使出此秘技,公車司機不斷地投以 羨慕的眼神


    呵!爽快


    246. YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN:
    1. You kiss your girlfriend's home page.


    2. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.


    3. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.


    4. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.


    5. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.


    6. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.


    7. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.


    8. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.


    9. And even your night dreams are in HTML.


    10. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a wordprocessor.com.


    11. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.


    12. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.


    13. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.


    14. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.


    15. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.


    16. All of your friends have an @ in their names.


    17. When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.


    18. Your dog has its own home page.


    19. You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.


    20. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.


    21. You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.


    22. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So




    247. 拋繡球招親像啥咧?
    小明問: 拋繡球招親像啥咧?


    小華說:
    漂亮的女生拋繡球, 台下的人像在打橄欖球,
    醜醜的女生拋繡球, 台下的人像在打躲避球......


    小明: @#$%^**&(&*


    248. "SINGAPOREAN" culture
    An insight into the philosophy of KS -- vividly describes the "SINGAPOREAN" culture....


    A - Always must win
    B - Borrow but never return
    C - Cheap is good
    D - Don't trust anyone
    E - Everything also must grab!
    F - Free! Free! Free!
    G - Grab first talk later
    H - Help yourself to everything
    I - I first, I want, I everything
    J - Jump queue
    K - Keep coming back for more
    L - Look for discount
    M - Must not lose face
    N - Never mind what they think
    O - Outdo everyone you know
    P - Pay only when necessary
    Q - Quit while you are ahead
    R - Rushing and pushing wins the race
    S - Sample are always welcome
    T - Take but don't give
    U - Unless it's free forget it
    V - Vow to be number one
    W - Winner takes it All! All! All!
    X - X'tra = More
    Y - Yell if necessary to get what you want
    Z - Zebras are kiasu because they want to be black and white at the same time


    250. How to Interpret a Job Advertisment
    "ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION": You'll be making under $6 an hour.


    "ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY": You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.


    "AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY": There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.


    "PROFIT-SHARING PLAN": Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.


    "COMPETITIVE SALARY": We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.


    "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you. (and/or) Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.


    "NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER": Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.


    "IMMEDIATE OPENING": The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.


    "SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER": We're can't supply you with leads. (and/or) There's no base salary to speak of. (and/or) You'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.


    "SELF-MOTIVATED": Don't expect management to answer questions


    "WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS": After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.






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