Ikariku's Funny Library
!!!!! Notice !!!!!!
All the jokes i posted on the homepage is composed by someone else, not me..
I have no copyrights on those jokes.....
If u r the composer.... then sorry....
If u r just a reader... then enjoy....
321. 心中有愧
病人問護士 : "每次來看病醫生從來不抬頭看我,為什麼呢??"
護士回答: "這也難怪, 您是老病號, 醫生一直治不好您, 他心中有愧, 當然不敢抬頭看您囉 !!"
322. 比狗還兇....
一天,跟同學出去逛街..................
剛巧路上有之"睡"狗擋道............. 同學一時之間沒看清楚,
以為是條抹布, 走過去時不小心踏到了狗的尾巴.....
結果那之狗跳了起來(也沒叫).......... 狠狠的瞪著我同學(她還沒發覺),
等她突然回頭一看(知道踏到了一隻狗), " 啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "
超大聲,很多人往這邊看........... 那隻狗被嚇的快速的跑走(希望那個人不要咬我).............
而這一幕也被旁邊的老伯看到: "小姐,是妳踏到他耶"
好糗喔!我們其他幾個趕快離她遠一點, 不要跟她走在一起.............................
323. 暗示
擁有一座大牧場的少爺和他的女朋友坐在柵欄上,看著欄內的兩隻牛在交配...
男: 達玲,那隻公的技術不錯喔!
女: 嗯.....
女方很冷淡的回答,男方於是試圖再暗示她
男: 嗯...牠真的很不錯耶!
女: 嗯.....
依然是冷冷的反應,男方急了
男: 妳信不信我可以比牠更厲害?
女: 不相信!怎麼可能!
男: 不信我們來試試看,好不好?
女: 隨便阿.....
男大喜....,沒想到女方馬上補上一句
女:隨便你呀,反正那是你們家的牛嘛,我管不著......
324. 造句
一日，師問生...
師：妳用「佩服」造一個句子
生：可是我不知道佩服是什麼意思
師：好，那妳用「從前」造一個句子
生：可是我不知道從前是什麼意思
師：咦？那，妳再用「計較」造一個句子好了
生：可是我不知道計較是什麼意思......
師：妳怎麼什麼都不會呀？！
生：我會呀！我剛剛不是依妳的話都各造了一個句子了嗎？
325. 一首詩......
龜 率 攻 佔
頭 領 進 領
大 精 桃 子
將 子 花 宮
軍 兵 洞 嶺
326. 上帝在這..
主日學教師問小孩『你知道上帝在哪裡？』
『祂今早在我家的浴室裡』小孩答。
『你怎麼知道呢？』
『我聽見父親在浴室門外喊道『老天爺，究竟你要多久才出來？』
327. 那種女人最好?
某天.,一群人圍在一塊聊天,突然話題轉到和那種女人在一 起較好的話題上
其中一人發表他的言論"我覺得..清純天真無邪的女孩最好"
這時有人提出抗議"小女孩..太羞澀了,在一起不夠勁"
"那妓女好了,既不羞澀,而且還很大膽"
"不行,不行..會得病.沒有更好的嗎?"討論到最後,終於有了一個結論,
那就是寡婦最好, 不會得病,又不羞澀且有經驗
就在這時,有個人冒出了一句話"唉..為什麼我的老婆不是寡婦"
328. Shopping..
This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the counter for two cans of dog food.
"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.
"Yes I do!" replied the puzzled customer.
"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food."
Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled it on its leash all the way back to the store.
"Here's my dog!" weezed the tired customer.
"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."
Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up to the same clerk and says:
"Two cans of cat food please."
"Do you have a cat sir?"
"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.
"I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you cat food."
The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail for the
clerk to see.
"Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food."
The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approches the clerk and places on the counter a white shoebox with
a small hole on the cover.
"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"
"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.
"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk. "Do as I say!" ordered the guy.
Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.
"Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy
"It looks like SHIT!" said the disgusted clerk; to which the customer replied
"THAT'S RIGHT!!, Now give me two rolls of toilet paper!"
329. Jonny & Teacher
Teacher: "Who are the most grateful people in the human race?"
Johnny: "The turkish."
Teacher: "Why is that?"
Johnny: "You celebrate thanksgiving with turkeys right?"
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Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."
Johnny : "Ok Sir, You please squeeze out all the toothpaste and put back it into the tube again."
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Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested to listen?"
Johnny : "A Teacher."
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
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Teacher: "Who is the fastest human being in the world?"
Johnny: "My mother... She can catch me doing anything."
330. Top 10 Answering Machine Messages
1 - Deadpan voice: Hi, This is Dave. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to
you at the sound of the tone.
2 - Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. Start talking and if you're someone I
want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
3 - Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong
number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and
number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.
4 - Bridge, Kirk here.
5 - (Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering
machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it.
Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?
6 - Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
7 - You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your
time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided
to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through
another long answering machine message when you call me..
8 - I'm gone.
9 - You have reached 555-6238. Why?
10 - I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean,
like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening
to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait,
gosh. This is so confusing.
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