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George's Joke Page |
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| Shoe Repair |
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| Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one-day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. |
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| "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. |
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| "Not very likely," his wife said. |
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| "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. |
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| With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. |
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| Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" |
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| "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." |
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| The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday." |
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| Theater |
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| A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." |
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| The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. |
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| "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who |
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| turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. |
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| Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. |
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| The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" |
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| "Sam," the man moaned. |
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| "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony." |
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Technology for Country Folk...
1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole. |
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Click Here For More Jokes |
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