SHORTIES

Q:Heard of the new Nazi microwave oven?
A: They say it seats 35.

Q:Why did the Leper leave the party?
A:Everyone kept dipping crackers into his back!

Q:What do you call a leper in a bath?
A:PORRIDGE!

Q. What's the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and a Girls track team? A.The Pygmies are a bunch of Cunning little Runts!

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

Q. Whats the definition of a virgin in Oz?
A. Someone who can run faster than their dad!

Q: How do you know when your girlfriend has gotten too fat?
A: When you pull her panties down to her ankles --- and her pussy is still in them!

Q: How do you find the pussy on a REALLY fat chick?
A: Keep lifting up the fat rolls until you smell shit, then go back one.

Q: What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian's apartment?
A: Potpourri!

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
The golfer goes WHACK ... FUCK!
The skydiver goes FUCK! ... WHACK !

The husband complained: "You never cry out when you have an orgasm."
"How do you know?" she replied. "You've never been there."

Q: What 15 animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 little Piggies, 2 Calves, 1 Ass, and a Beaver (and a fish that nobody can find).

Q: Why do farts smell bad?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Q. How many men does it take to fix a woman's watch?
A. None! There's a clock on the oven...

Q: What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both squirm when you eat them.

Q: Whats 69 and 69?
A: Dinner for four.

Q: Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A: Because their peckers are on their faces.

Q: Whats worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
A: Being fingered by Captain Hook.

Q: Whats worse than lobsters on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Did you hear about the nympho at the hotel pool?
She was barred from the area after the lifeguard saw her go down for the third time.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.

Q: Whats the difference between men and jelly beans?
A: Jelly beans come in different colors.

Q: What do Rubiks cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with it, the harder it gets!

Q: How can you tell a macho women?
A: She rolls her own tampons.

Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs - only one's coming and one's going.

Q: How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you?
A: There's a string hanging out of your bloody Mary.

Q: How do you recycle a used tampon?
A: As a tea-bag for vampires.

Q: What do you get if you cross Bananarama with a Vibrator?
A: Wet, Wet, Wet

What do you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes

What's better than a rose on your piano?
Two lips on your organ

What is the definition of pure agony ? Fucking a meat mincer

Q. What do you call 100 tampons lying on the beach?
A. Club Med

Q. Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
A He was after a tight seal

Q. What's the definition of disgusting? A. Licking the sweat balls off your granny's neck while you
giving her a doggie

Q. What's the definition of disgusting?
A When your hot dog has got veins