My Favorite Stupid Quotes
It's kinda hard to categorize these, but I'll do my best, and try to identify the person who said them.
Wrasslin' Quotes
"Something's more wrong than usual!"
- Jim Ross
"A flying Undertaker is not a good thing!"
- Jim Ross
"The only thing more disturbing than seeing Jerry Lawler walking around stark naked...is seeing me walking around stark naked."
- Mick Foley (aka "Mankind," "Cactus Jack," and "Dude Love")
TV Quotes
"Look out lady, it's a monkey!"
Guttierrez (sp?), Freakazoid's nemesis.
Freakazoid: "Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage!"
Guttierrez: "You probably shouldn't have helped us build it either."
Freakazoid: "I know! Dumb!"
"Everyone's weakness is poo-gas."
- Guttierrez
"I fart in your general direction!"
- Monty Python
Comic Book Quotes
"ATCHOO! Uh oh. I'm leaking brain lubricant"
- Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes.
Calvin: "I've noticed that comic book superheroes usually fight evil maniacs with grandiose plans to destroy the world. Why don't superheroes go after more subtle, realistic bad guys?"
Hobbes: "Yeah, superheroes could attend council meetings and write letters to the editor, and stuff."
Calvin: "Hmm... I think I see the problem."
Hobbes:"Quick! To the Bat-Fax!"
"I'm a door-to-door dead monster salesman and the summer line is out."
- Lusiphur from "Poison Elves"
"Excuse him, he's bi-polar."
- Jace from "Poison Elves"
People I know
"Is there a German language?"
- Summer Childs
"Everyone knows there is no life on Earth!"
- Me. Sad, isn't it? I was in middle school at the time...
"I can outnumber you all by myself!"
- Me, once again.
"I have a small vocabulary. I use little words like it and the."
- Merredith Doll
"Dinosaurs never existed. God just put those bones in the ground as a joke."
- Ken Miller
"I have my brain in my knee-cap. I rent my head out to squirrels. Sometimes they fart and I have to let out the gas. That's why I giggle so much."
- Helena Gleissner
Miscellaneous
"I'm so mad, I don't know whether to go blind or crap, so I guess I'll just close one eye and poot!"
- Mad Max on the John Boy and Billy Big Show
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown
Weirdness Gleaned from the Internet
Life should consist of at least fifty percent pure wast of time, and the rest in doing what you please.
Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then if he didn't like what you've said, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy, blue-green meat is bad for you.
I've suffered enough, when does my art improve?
That was zen, this is tao.
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.
If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If "If" statements had no "Then" clauses.
I do not suffer from insanity, I revel in it.
When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.
You can't be a figment of my imagination; I'd have done a better job.
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Your reality is lies and balderdash, and I'm proud to say I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
You're not as real as you think you are.
This universe is filled with magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
I will continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now possible remain possible.
Stupidity Java-style
"Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio. I'm losing my mind...