As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280.
Please be careful!"
"Hell," said George, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,
he told me to give up seat to a lady.
Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner!"
There's a bear and a rabbit in the woods and they come across
a golden frog, they think this is an amazing discovery and
they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden
frog admits that he doesn't often meet people, but when he
does he gives them six wishes. He tells them that they can
have 3 wishes each.
The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the
forest be female. Which the frog immediately does.
The rabbit after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet
and one appears, which he places on his head.
The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish,
he asks that all the bears in the neighbouring forests be
female as well, and thus it is so!
The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle, it appears
before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.
The bear cannot believe it, he remarks to the rabbit that he has
wasted two wishes that he could of had for himself.
Shaking his head, he makes his final wish, 'That all the other bears
in the world be female as well.' The frog replies that it has been
done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.
The rabbit revs up the engine and thinks for a second, and then
says:- "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as
fast as he can!
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.
When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of
the fork are you referring to?'