I guess I am one of the lucky ones,my adoptive parents arranged for my adoption directly with my Birthmother prior to delivery. I've always known I was adopted and known my Birthmothers name. However that knowledge didn't make my search any easier or the results any better. But before I get to that I suppose I should start at the beginning.
My Adoptive mom had heard from a friend that a
"friend" knew of a baby that was to be born and given up for adoption. This was in early Spring 1960. Following her friends advice my mom went to a house on Wolftrap Road in York County, Virginia. There she met a woman who had two little boys;aged 2 and 4. She told my mom that the Birthmother of those two boys was pregnant and wanted to give up the child. That woman then put my mom in touch with Hazel. Hazel had been born Sept. 7,1933 to Zudie (Jenkins)& Earl McClellan Harper in Littleton, N.C. Her mother died when she was 4 and she was sent to live with her Grandparents. Her Father remarried and she eventually returned home to live with him, stepmother Verlia Vivian, and 1/2 Brother Jerry. When Hazel was 17 and not yet out of High School, she ran off and married John Walker from Roanoke Rapids. According to my Social Services non-id file, it was determined that John was still married to a previous wife and the marriage was annulled. The daughter that had, in the meantime been born was sent home to live with the maternal Grandparents. Although I have determined that there is a younger "1/2 sister" born in 1952-Beverly- I have no "proof" that she is Hazel's child and I'm not sure I want to open that can of worms right now. As a result of this "marriage" Hazel ended up working as a waitress down on Washington Ave.at Top's Restaurant right across from the front gate of the Newport News Shipyard. Not a very nice place for a single mother to try and raise a child.
Hazel agreed to let my parents adopt me. When the time came they arranged for the hospital, Drs., everything. They even went to visit Hazel after she gave birth. When she was discharged my folks drove her to her apartment then went back to the hospital to get me. Since they had adopted my sister Susan 6 years earlier they were well acquainted with the Social Services Circus! 4 times over the next year Social workers came to our home to investigate and report on the home situation. These reports were part of the non-id file I received from the state when I began my search. It is so fascinating to read them and get a glimpse back into a part of my life that I can't remember.
When I was 3 months old Hazel called my Mom and said she wanted to see me and would she please bring me back to the restaurant. Mom said her heart stopped beating, she just knew that Hazel would take me back but she took me to see her anyway. When she walked in another waitress saw her and cried out "Look Hazel, here comes that women with your baby." Hazel replied "That's not my baby. I didn't come in here with him. That woman did, he's her baby." Mom tells me thats when her heart started beating again. They went and sat in a booth and Hazel held me and looked me over. Then she gave me back to my mom. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for her to have given me up for a second time. I do know it makes me convinced that she gave me up because she loved me and wanted me to have a life she was unable to provide me. She made the ultimate sacrifice of unconditional love. That's just one of the reasons my parents raised me to honor and respect her; to think of her with love and compassion; to always consider her a special part of my life.I started talking about searching when I was 17 but I never got very far with it. "I loved my parents too much to hurt them." I used that excuse for many years until at 35 I decided I had to love myself more. I needed answers, I wanted to see Hazel's face, hold her in my arms and Thank her for all she had done for me. So I attended my first support group meeting.
It didn't take long to turn up the needed info, however it wasn't what I expected or wanted.Hazel had never left the Washington Ave. area but had continued working as a waitress in places such as; Top's, Eiffel Tower,Silver Star and Sanitary. I can't believe she was so close and yet so far away. I spent a number of afternoons down there attending a Youth Program and ate in some oh the small Restaurants-I could have easily been served by Hazel. I also discoverd that in 1963 Hazel married Gilbert Arthur Norris, born @1939 in Johnson Co., N.C. son of Vivian (Knox) and Arthur B. Norris. Gilbert worked for the Schertle Pool Co. I haven't yet discoverd if/when they divorced but I know they did not stay together. I also have not located him so if anyone knows where he is PLEASE let me know. You see I discovered that Hazel had passed away 17 years earlier on Aug. 29,1979. I would never have the chance to say the things I had wanted to tell her for so long. I had lost my chance to find out the answers to my questions. She had died whe I was 19! If I had searched earlier I would have found her. I still wish I could turn back time and search at 17 so I could find her but I know in my heart that it all worked out for the best. If I had found her at 17 I know I would not have been happy with the situaution she was living in and I would have made everyone's life HELL trying to fix it. I know it's unlikely that I could stop her from dying and losing her at 19 would have devastated me. At least I was better able to handle it at 35. Luckily I did find people who knew her and one of them even found an old snapshot. It wasn't a good picture but it was still HER! I also located the woman she worked for when she died. When I went to meet her she commented; "You must be the little boy that would come to visit. I remember Hazel saying her was her son though the woman who brought him was raising him. " Thats how I discoverd that there is another, younger brother. I never went to visit Hazel after I was 3 months and at the time she died I was NO "little boy".
The support group, esp. Dixie and Sandra helped me to locate Hazel's halfbrother. He is a Southern Baptist minister in N.C. When I called him he was a bit skeptical, he didn't know of Hazel ever having any children, let alone 5! I sent him a photo of me and he called the day he got it. The family resemblence was undeniable. He would send me copies of pictures he had of Hazel. A few weeks later I sat on my bed and opened the envelope. There in front of me, for the first time, was a face that looked like mine. I am her spitting image. The is no doubt that I am her son. What a feeling, even now it overwhelms me so much that I have to blink back the tears to write this. "Uncle" Jerry told me most of the background info I have on Hazel. I went into the search looking for Hazel not her family and I didn't feel comfertable intruding in their life with her being deceased. Our connection no longer exists. I am afraid I didn't persue contact with Jerry and it has been 2 years now and I am afraid to reenter their life. I want so badly to meet them and to know more about Hazel's early years but I am afraid. Maybe one day?!
Jerry also told me where Hazel was buried and my parents and I drove down to N.C. to see her grave. I didn't want to go alone and couldn't think of anyone else I wanted to share that moment with. After a long ride down twisty, turny country roads we came upon this little church out in the middle of nowhere. It took a few minutes to locate her stone; just a simple cement slab with a metal plate affixed to it with her name and the dates of birth and death. At last I had found her! I know in my heart that she is in a better place and I feel; confident that she "knows" I have found her, that she knows how I feel about her. I just wish I could have told her in person. Now my chore is to find my siblings and tell them of her. Maybe the day will come when we can all stand at her grave together. Until then I keep searching, for myself and for others.
UPDATE!!! MAY 2, 1998
I TALKED TO MY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!
While working on a case in Newport News for another adoptee I came across a divorce decree from 1970 for Graydon Morfitt, the man who I had long suspected but could never prove had lived in the house on Wolftrap Road and who had my brother(s). Well according to the divorce there was an adopted son Robert born in 1958 which fit my info! It took 2 weeks to locate him living in Baltimore MD and all of 5 minutes on the phone to prove the connection. Not only had he seen an original birthcertificate with Hazel's name on it he knew Hazel slightly as he was raised in the Washington Ave area. He even told me of an Easter that she came and took him out for lunch and shopping...he even has a photo of them together. Since May 2 we have talked every 2 weeks or so and I am so overjoyed at finding him words just cant describe it! He and Kara are long distance Truck Drivers and travel all over delivering loads so I never know where they will be when we next talk. Robert has a birthdaughter Cheryl, in Boston, that he didn't even know about until 2 years ago when she found him. (Thanx kiddo for paving the way for me!) He also has a son Kevin who is getting ready to make Robert a GRANDPA!!!!! Boy do I luv rubbing that in...I found Robert 2 weeks after his 40th Bday and 2 weeks before my 38th. What a present!!! He is everything a hero worshipping baby brother could ever want 6'4 250 lbs. He rides motorcycles,sails, scuba dives, he was in the army, he's into martial arts. He reads(big plus in my book) and most of all he's just an absolute blast to talk to. I'm now going through what so many of the people I have helped over the years have experienced and god its good! I feel as if my life has been fulfilled. I hope and pray that all of you out there can one day know this joy. We still haven't met and I haven't even seen a picture of him but I feel as if he is a part of me. I am connected! And I couldn't ask for better...after 38 years of pretending to myself and going through life with my "imaginary" brother I am blessed to have him be a reality...everything and more then I ever wanted, and most of all...MY BROTHER, MY FRIEND!
Well it happened. Robert called me from Sturgis, WY-they were at the big Harley rally and he said they were going to drive straight through to VA to meet me!!!! I can't explain how great that was. I had to drive by the hotel 3 times before I could pull into the parking lot. He walked up to say Hi as if we had known each other all our lives and had only seen each other a few weeks ago. When we shook hands I felt it all through every fiber of my being...I was connected. I had found my biological roots.
Robert came to visit again in May of 99...for my Birthday!!! Plus it was our 1 year anniversary. He and Kara stayed the weekend, they got to meet Mom and Dad. As Dad was pretty sick at that time it was great Robert was there. He helped out a lot. We had to have Dad hospitilized and Robert was so helpful. We went to the basement to play pool and he talked about losing his father...such a Big Brother thing to do. It helped me alot when Dad passed away in June to know he had met Robert and knew we were connected. It helped Dad too, it was easier for him to let go knowing my dream had been achieved. He told me I had someone else in my life to watch out for me now so it was OK
Robert and I have maintained contact through visits, phone calls and now emails!!! Robert got a computer and so now we can even chat online. It was great when I was in London in May 2000 because he and I could keep in touch through cyberspace. My life is so blessed.
As if things couldn't get better, I renewed contact with Uncle Jerry and in Nov '99 went to NC and met him,his wife and one son. WOW! I look so much like him. He gave me lots of good info on the family including the name of a cousin still living in Littleton. Well, in June 2000 I ended up in Littleton and decided to see if I could find her. Carrie is 69 and lives in the house she was born in and that Hazel knew well as a child. Carrie and her sister Elise are the children of Herman, my maternal grandmother's half brother. They were so warm and welcoming and accepted me openly. I found out I have a great great grandfather that fought in the Civil War-WOW Heritage!!! Plus I got the name and address for my aunt-Hazel's younger half sister so in Aug 2000 I went back to NC and met Bev and her husband Jimmy. She had wonderful pictures of Hazel and Grandad which she copied for me-talk about a family resemblance. I also met another cousin, Retha, who told me she'd know I was a Harper if she had passed me on the street even not knowing I existed. Also met my maternal Grandmothers sister Great Aunt Vera-She's 83 and as sweet as can be, reminds me of my adopted Grandma. So I went looking for a family tree and found a whole forest, Carrie says there are tons more of family I have to meet including a 96 year old great Uncle and a cousin who could be my twin. Needless to say I am ecstatic over all this acceptance, I have roots at last, not to mention wonderful and much needed medical info. I met with my Dr just 2 weeks ago and updated him and boy was he thrilled, "It explains a lot and now we know what we're dealing with."
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