Later that evening, (the same day of the breaking down of the door) Jr. began to tell me this tale of horror. I remember standing there, my head was spinning, I was sick in the stomach! Every part of my body screamed in pain, I felt like someone had just taken a bat and swung it into my stomach. My mind cried out ... this must be a nightmare ... it sure couldn't be realitity. These are my children, my gifts from God. Now Jr. was telling me that Tony had been raping my children for 4 yrs. My youngest son was headed back from vacation in Texas, but my oldest was with me. I had to hear it from my own sons. I sat my sons down and heard them say the words that changed my life forever. Ken said, "Mom, he did it to me once, after that I wouldn't let him." When Jay returned from Texas, I told him I knew everything even though I did not. The blood drained from his angelic face and tears started flowing. He told me all. I felt as though I died, or at least a huge part of me did. What do you do when your babies tell you of such horror? How do you remove the fear of the threats made towards them if they told me? What do you do? How do you survive? How do you "recover yourself" let alone be able to pick up the pieces of your child's life so that they can continue to live? And live productively at that? How do you keep them from turning to drugs, alcohol or what ever negetive they can find to escape the dreams and effects of what they have been forced to go through? First: After the initial shock, you will go into an anger stage. This anger will intensify and find yourself wanting to kill this monster who has hurt your children. You find yourself sitting and thinking of all the different ways that you can plan the murder. Second: you will go into a self hate stage for allowing your children to go through this. You will ask yourself, "Why didn't I see, or know?" You will begin to blame yourself for this horror. This will come with great amounts of guilt and hate. Guilt and hate will only end up destroying you and every relationship you come into. Your children will pick this up and become even more confused. Your mind becomes flooded with nightmares. You loose sleep, don't want to eat, and all you can think of is getting back at this demon. But I am here to tell you that YOU CAN SURVIVE and YOUR CHILDREN CAN SURVIVE. To coin an old phrase, I want to tell you how my sons and I made "Lemonaide out of the lemons that life served us!" Please remember .... You don't have to suffer alone! If you are suffering, please email me, I would love to help. Click on my to email me. Home        Links & Credits        Awards        Webrings Background designed exclusively for: "There is a Path ...." Not for Public Domain, nor to be included in any Graphics Collections. "There is a Path ... " Site designed by: Cheralyn Maturi aka Rosebud This page hosted by   Get your own Free Home Page