The song spoke of the love in Daddy's hands and how it was always there whether he was soft or stern. In my mind I could see my Daddy's weathered hands and feel their softness when he caresses me even now.

I found myself thinking back to when I was young and trying to remember some of the things my daddy did and some of the things we talked about. To my disappointment there is very little I can remember. It seems most of the talking was done between my mother and myself. I assume my daddy's thoughts and wishes were relayed to mother and she passed them on to me. I remember daddy giving my brothers spankings but I don't remember a time that he spanked me. I do remember him getting upset with me and saying "Carol Sue" in a gruff voice and I knew I had pushed him as far as I dared. Funny, but even today at 45 years old, when he says "Carol Sue" I refrain from saying anymore.I think I have always been just a little afraid of him for some reason.

I know that I feel a special love for my daddy different than any love for other people. I have always felt I could not confide in my daddy but now I know that is only because of his gruff exterior manners. Some of us explain that as the "Lawson Way" for a want of better description.

In November of 1985 my mother had a heart attack and was hospitalized at St. Frances Hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma for several weeks. During this time I spent most of my days at the hospital sitting with my dad. A lot of this time was spent alone with him and we probably talked more than I can ever remember. I was actually surprised at some of the things he told me and the way he felt about some things. I don't think I have even felt as close to him as I did for those days.

I can honestly say I think my dad is the most honest, trustworthy man I will ever know in my life. If he tells you he will do something, you can take it to the bank without a signature. It seems he doesn't make his feelings known much but if you ask him how he feels about something he doesn't lie to make you happy. He tells it like it is.

My heart aches as I see my dad growing old. I have always been one to not face reality when it comes to thinking of him and mother I don't want to think of the day when they will be gone. Being the youngest of their children, I guess I still need that love an protection they stand for. Even tho I could never confide in them, I guess I always knew they were there and even though there has been times when my feelings have been sorely hurt by them, I knew they loved me very much.

I have seen the hurt in my daddy's eyes when he has lost a sister, brother or friend whom he loved. But, just like a rock, he was there for others, putting his feelings deep inside and taking care of others. At a funeral of a dear friend, a cousin who had lost her father a few months earlier remarked, "I don't know what we would have done without Uncle Vernon and Aunt Lela. They took over and helped us get through it all." That is the kind of people they are.

My daddy is the youngest of ten kids and it seems now he is the one who takes over. I think I have just realized that when everyone is young the baby is taken care of, but when everyone grows older they depend on the baby to take care of them or at least give their children advise. At 75 daddy has reached that point in life I suppose.

I have never understood some of daddy's actions when it came to his brothers and sisters. Oh, I know he loved all of them in his own way and maybe there was something that happened between some of them that I don't know of. It seems he was always close to my Uncle John when I was younger. Although the rest of the family lived close I don't remember visiting any of them very much. In later years after my parents moved back to the country out of Morris, Oklahoma, they became close to my uncle Ernie who lived in Haskell, Oklahoma. I think Dad and Uncle Ernie grew closer than he had ever been to anyone. When we lost Uncle Ernie my fathers heart seemed to be broken. He told me it was one of the hardest things he had ever done to go to that funeral.

Daddy doesn't talk much about his growing up years or his parents. Occasionally he will tell a story about him and a brother drinking or shooting dice but when you ask specifics he just grins and you see a twinkle in his eye and he changes the subject or tells you "I don't remember" of "Now, you don't need to know that!"

I have some pictures of my dad when he was about seventeen and was he ever a handsome young man. No wonder my mother fell in love with him at an early age. Even today he is a very handsome man at his age. He has a smile that will win the heart of the hardest person and that ever twinkle in his eye when he tells a story warms your heart. I've sen tears come to his eyes when he talks about his mother and dad and I know how he still misses them.

Yes, Daddy is gruff and sometimes very firm when he speaks. But as time goes on I cling to him more and more. I guess I realize I may not have him much longer and I am not ready to give him up. I think it scares me a little when he talks to me about his will and his property and taking care of mother if anything should happen to him. I know these things must be said but I do not want to fact that yet. I just want to remember how it was a few short weeks ago when I spent the day with them and how when I arrived he opened his arms to me and hugged me close and I just wanted to stay in his arms and feel that protection and love for the rest of my life. By:
Carol Lawson Johnson
November 21,1986