Sarah's story
Hi, this page is meant to be my memorial to my daughter Sarah. Sarah's story really begins at the birth of her older brothers,  Jeffrey and Joshua. You see, while I was pregnant with Jeffrey and Joshua, I got very sick. I developed a disease called pre-eclampsia. After Joshua was finally born six
weeks early in 1996, my husband and I weren't sure we would ever want to try again, despite the fact we wanted several kids. It was just to scary. But apparently, God had other ideas for us. In the summer of 1998, we found out I was expecting our third child. While Todd and I were scared at the prospect, we were also delighted. In our heads, unbeknownst to each other,
we both hoped it would be the baby girl we had dreamed about, the one we felt would make our family complete. However, this was not going to be easy, we were in the midst of an overseas move. What a time to be pregnant!! However, we all weathered the trip well, and the date of my first OB appointment was fast approaching. I was in my third month when I had my
first OB appointment, not unusual for a military family. Everything seemed to be okay, though my blood pressure was already up. The doctor did an ultrasound, and I had my first look at our little frog hopping away. Things progressed, I gained little weight, swelled up ALOT, and my blood pressures were erattic. We were all just hoping to make it until 36 weeks. I never
thought anything bad would happen, except the baby might be early, like Joshua. In December, I would be proved wrong. A few days after Christmas, I woke up with a horrible feeling something was wrong. I hadn't felt the baby move around for quite some time. I was 27 weeks. I woke up Todd and we
headed off to the hospital, the boys in tow. I explained to the desk clerk what was wrong, and she took me back to the doctor right away. The high-risk nurse put me right on the US table, and began looking around. I was still being naive up until that point, I figured the baby was sleepy, and that it would wake up right away with all the pressing she was doing. After a few moments, she excused herself to get a doctor. I was still hoping up until that point. The doctor came in, took one look and said, "I AM SO SORRY" and at that point, I lost it. From far away, I heard someone screaming, but I didn't realize it was me until the doctor began asking me where Todd was. After Todd showed up, the nightmare began. The doctor threw around words like "intrauterine fetal demise" and other ugly sounding words. I was sick again. The pre-eclampisa was back. They had to get the baby out now. The induction lasted forever, I kept asking why they could not just cut the baby out (us still not knowing the sex) They said it wouldn't be safe. Everything they did to me, was the same as before, but now it seemed like torture, because at the end, there would be no baby warmer, no congratulations, no
baby steaming with life to lay across my belly, there would just be silence, sadness, and death.  Finally, on New years Day, 1999, at around five in the morning, my daughter Sarah slipped out into the still room. I tried, those last few pushes, to keep her with me, feeling like this was the beginning of the end.The nurse uttered THOSE words again "I am so sorry, it's a little girl" And we felt the crack in our hearts open just a little bit more. Sarah
was bigger than they expected, weighing 1 lbs 10.7 oz and 13.75 inches. She was beautiful, looking so much like a cross between her brothers. She had incredibily long legs, and the most perfect face, with delicate features and her Daddy's big nose!!  Todd and I held her and cried over what she was, and what she would have been. Our dream lay still in our arms. Later, the chaplain came, and we had a special service for Sarah and took picutres, which do not do her beauty justice. Sarah's name means "Princess" in Hebrew, and to us, that is what she is, our princess.


Later we learned Sarah had died of problems with the placenta. Nothing we did or didn't do caused what happened. We know now that Sarah was sent here by Our Lord and Saviour for a special purpose, and one day, in His own time,
He will reveal it to us.

While Others Forget

I remember,
Though others pretend they don't
Today you would have been,
Had you been born at term,
Just two months old and thinking,
Maybe,
About smiling at me. 


I remember,
Though others won't,
How much you looked
Like your precious brothers,
Who smile at me with your face.


I remember,
While others tell me to forget,
The moment you were born,
and the pain of finally knowing,
That you were the baby girl I always wanted


I remember,
That you are my most precious,
and always will be,
special girl.

I love you Sarah....Mommy  (Written for Sarah by me, please do not copy without permission)

Hi my princess,

It has been six months since you were here with us. Is it possible that such a short time has passed? It has seemed forever to me. I think this month about our joy at this time last year, when we first learned about you. It didn't seem possible. Another baby !!! Your daddy and I were so excited, and it seemed a long wait until we would meet you. Little did we know, it wouldn't be as long as we thought.

Today I look at your pictures, and they do not do you justice. You were so beautiful, and I want others to know you were. I want to stand on a mountain and yell to the world, "This is my daughter, and SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!" I want to tell everyone everything I know about you, but when I bring up your name, people stiffen up. I can see it, though they try to hide it, and I CANNOT stand for people to be uncomfortable  when it comes to you. So, when I need to talk about you, I do it with God, who was there through it all, and I laugh and remember  the things you did, and who you were, and I know He laughs with me, and that is my comfort. He knows you, He has called you to Him, and one day, He has promised, you and I will be together again.

The I think about where you are now. Can you see me? Do you watch over your brothers the way they would have watched over you? Are Johnny and Papa there? Were they there to welcome you and show you the way? Is Rusty there, watching you the way he used to watch me? But of course, these things are trivial, the yearnings of a mother wanting to know you are happy and not alone, but my faith tells me the answer to those questions, and I am once again comforted.

I miss you, my little girl, and you have a very special spot in my heart,
and those of your brothers and daddy. You are the key and the lock, and that my little baby, will always be so.

You are, Sarah, my forever baby. I love you very much, more than I ever
thought was possible.

Mommy

More coming later....I am still working on this.......

I got my background and graphics
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