Mood

Depression is an illness. An illness which affects the entire body, the entire life of an individual, not just the mind. Depression can affect anyone at any time in their life and untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. Yet depression can be treated successfully in over 80% of the cases.

I know depression intimitely. I live with depression each and every minute of my life. For me, depression is losing the sense of who I am, losing my self-image, losing my self-esteem. Depression is losing the ability to do the simple things in life. This inability to handle what everyone else takes for granted further lowers the self-esteem. Depression is putting on a smiling, happy face for the world to see while the emptyness inside of you overwhelms your soul. Depression, for me, is losing the ability to interact with people. How can you enjoy people when your mind tells you that you are not worthy of anyone's friendship or love?
I don't know how long I was walking on the darkside of life. The depression just gradually consumed me without me noticing. My world became a world defined by four walls. I would have panic attacks when I attempted to leave the safety of my home. The depression finally overwhelmed me in July of 1997 when I attempted suicide. What terrifies me is that I never made a conscious decision to take an overdose of pills. I just did it.
The road back has been a long and ardous one. A road that I will travel for the remainder of my life. I live with depression daily but I am learning to cope with it. What I would like to share with you on this page are some of the coping mechanisms I have learned and which are helping me.

When you feel that you have lost the ability to control your life, there are steps you can take to regain that control. First and foremost is starting to believe in yourself again. And this is not easy. This requires constant daily affirmations in yourself as a unique and valuable person. Decide what you need, what your priorities are, and set goals for yourself to give yourself what you need. Assert your rights to have your needs met, calmly and firmly. Most importantly of all, develope a support system for yourself. Friends and family who will listen with an understanding ear. You can not heal yourself unless you make that healing the focal point of your life.
Learn to admit your inabilities to cope and learn to ask for help.
You are worthy of attention, respect and help from your support network. I found it difficult to accept help from others. I am only now starting to believe that others can like me for who I am and what to be with me and that they will offer support if I ask.

Learn to value your health and to take steps to safeguard it. Depression can mean a lack of caring about your body. The old adage, "A healthy mind in a healthy body" stil holds true. Take positive steps to improve your health and body image. Start an exercise program and stick to it. Physical exercise does wonders for your spirit.
Take positive steps to improve your diet and take charge of your sleeping schedule. Lack of sleep can worsen mania and too much sleep can deepen depression. Develop a bedtime routine for yourself and follow through with it.
Take the time to do the things in life which please you. Treat yourself. You do deserve to be kind to yourself.

Above all, seek professional help.

Yes, I know. This page is has a definite lack of color. Depression robs my world of color. I do visualitze depression as monocromatic.

This website is part of my self therapy. Allowing myself the pleasure of self-expression. Opening up who I am for others to see, and sharing my little world with the world at large.

The song you are listening to is "Na Zvolenskom Moste Fijaluolka Rasti", a Slovak folk song.