| This is a wish-list I compiled from Compassionate Friends literature. Many friends have appreciated reading it, to know that it's OK to talk about Jenni when I am in the same room with them. |
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| Linda's Wish List |
| 1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak Jenni's name. Jenni lived and was important and I need to hear her name. |
| 2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about Jenni, I wish you knew that it isn't because you hurt me; the fact that Jenni died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing. |
| 3. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. |
| 4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling. |
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| 5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed seperately. It is the ultimate tragedy, and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse or pet. |
| 6. I wish you wouldn't offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches and the only way I can get through grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal. |
| 7. I wish you knew that all of the "crazy" grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. |
| 8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6 months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for me. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent," but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent." |
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| 9. Jenni's birthday, the anniversary of her death and holidays will be terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about Jenni on these days, and if I get quiet or withdrawn, just know that I am thinking about Jenni and don't try to coerce me into being cheerful. |
| 10. I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight, lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident-prone, all of which may be related to my grief. |
| 11. I wish you wouldn't "kill" Jenni again by removing from your home or work area her pictures, artwork or all other remembrances. |
| 12. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was the moment before Jenni died, and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to myself," you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know me-maybe you'll like me still. |
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| The song on this page is a special one to me. When it was a new release, Jenni and I liked the song. One day Jenni's friend Andy was in the car with us, I can't remember where we were going, but this song came on and Andy did not like it. I will always remember Jenni asking him how he could not like it when even her mom liked it. So now whenever I hear it, this memory of Jenni and her special friend Andy-or Andrew as she always called him, comes into my mind-it makes me smile and it lets me remember the fun times.():) |
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| Jenni's Guestbook |
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| I love you Jenni |
| Page created January 5th, 2000. |