This is going to be my page dedicated to my wonderful Step-father, John. When he first came into our lives, I was only 9. We never got along but that was because I was such a stubborn child. I hated having to follow the rules that he tried to set down, after all he wasn't my REAL DAD. I felt that he was too mean and just down right too hard on me. I was rebellious as a teenager, but he stood by me. He was there throughout my problems, no matter what they were. When I got married, he was there to guide me through the rough times, after all, I was still a child. I was his "Lilthing" and that is how I got my nickname for the web. I never did call him Dad, but I think that he knew my feelings for him had grown over time. I really did love him, just like I should love my father. To me, even though I never told him, he was my REAL DAD.
This is where my story begins. John smoked a pipe for as long as I can remember. He also was a strong believer in rolling his own cigarettes. I really loved to go to the tobacco store with him to just hang out. While I was there, I always walked through the store opening the jars of tobacco and taking in the wonderful smells that they held. My favorite kind was Cherry Vanilla. In 1994, John was ill. The Doctors discovered a tumor in his left lung. It turned out to be cancer. The word that everyone hates to hear. I think the whole family was devastated. He went through surgery to remove the part of his lung that held the tumor. He went for his scheduled check ups and was free of cancer for a year. Then in late 1995 the cancer came back. This time it was not a tumor. It was cancer in his Bronchi and they told us that it was inoperable. He started radiation therapy soon after the diagnosis. To our surprise and our many, many prayers, the radiation worked. By this time it was well into the year 1996, his spirit had been drained and he was still fighting. Then came the most devastating news yet. Tests had shown that although the radiation had worked, it had been too late to stop the spread of the cancer to his lymph nodes. They did more tests and discovered that he had cancer in his left thigh and in his lower spine. We were told maybe six months at the most. For the rest of that year, we tried to carry on with life as it would be normally. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the hardest things in the world for me. I knew that come the next year that he would not be with us.
At the first of the year, in 1997, things continued to worsen. John had his bad days and his very bad days. He did manage to get out of the house once in a while, but it was never very often. For my birthday, John and my mother gave me a beautiful gold birthstone ring. I always wear that ring now because it is my only connection to him. John was able to help us celebrate Easter and Mother's Day although it was very painful for him to do so. The pain from the cancer had gotten so bad that he was constantly on pain killers just to face the day. In June, the pain had gotten so bad that he could no longer get out of bed. They set up home care for John because he had vowed never to be in a nursing facility. We had paid nursing come in to make sure that he had his medications and got bathed. He was on what they now call Comfort Care. It is a type of DNR that states to make the patient comfortable without giving any type of CPR. It is what he wanted. No resusitation efforts were to be made in any way.
Now this is where I must tell you about me. I was a Certified Emergency Medical Technician, I was also working a full time Assistant Manager position and trying to raise three children with my husband. As you can imagine, for me being in the EMS field it was hard to realize that when he passed on, I could not use my training to bring him back. I was totally devastated that he was in so much pain. I wanted so badly to help him in any way that I could. He had come to the point that he could no longer eat anything solid, so I went to the store and bought him jars of baby food. I can remember very vividly the first night that I sat with him and fed him the baby food. It brings tears to my eyes now as it did then. We tried so hard to share a small conversation about how good the food tasted to him. The next day was a Monday, and after I worked I went to see him. He was very bad that night but he perked up when I came into the house. I tried my best to feed him some baby food, but he told me without words that he could just not eat. I cried for him, for me and for everyone that would feel the loss when he was no longer here. That night when I left to go home, I bent down to him and told him "I love you" and he managed to say "I love you too", those were the last words that he spoke to anyone. During the night that night he slipped into a coma. He continued to have his pain medications administered to him and was on oxygen. On Wednesday night, I had to work. I called my mother about 9PM to check on him. She said it wasn't going to be much longer. I immediately left my job to go to him. I sat by his bedside all through the night. I monitored his breathing and his blood pressure. My family was there also, but most of them were trying to rest. It was just me and my sister who were sitting up. At 3AM that Thursday morning, I had just finished checking on him and had sat back down. My sister looked at me and said "He stopped breathing". I went to him and checked for a pulse and blood pressure which he still had, but both were very low. We woke everyone up and at 3:20 that morning, MY DAD passed peacefully away.
God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be
So He put His arms around you
and whispered "Come to Me"
With tearful eyes we watched you,
and saw you pass away
Although we love you dearly,
we could not make you stay
A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best
It breaks our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of us went with you,
the day God called you home.
Author Unknown
Thanks for the midi files!