Retaliation? It's a word I work hard to remove from my repertoire.

Hate? It takes as much energy as love. Would that whatever black furies drove men to this could be rerouted into attempts at loving one's neighbors of different faiths. Would that they had felt that sort of love themselves, and known it was the major export of their God.

I am filled with sorrow, not hate. I am concerned about what we and our big retaliatory powers are up to. I want to bring about justice with the force of peace and words, not the force of tanks and machine guns. These airplane-drivers have little concern for the people of Afghanistan, nor America, nor anywhere: their fundamentalism blinds them to the trueness of feeling even their God, one who I cannot believe is so wrathful, once blessed them with.

Like many who find solace in things as well as or besides God, my prayers have been more contemplative. I find myself sitting in front of a candle at night, looking in myself to see what I can do amidst all this to contribute to what is good in the world. So I do things that need doing, I share myself with friends and strangers, I do my best at what I do. And I try to be more mindful as I do it all. For the first time I felt *compelled* to attend services this weekend, and I believe that will continue: in buildings of faith, there is inherently hope, and these days we could use a bit more of that.

I am thinking of building a community at the north pole. It has strict entrance requirements of having tolerance, faith with flexibility, commitment to self-sustainance, and a peaceful soul -- or at least a striving in that direction. But even then, who would hate us? Who would find the values so distasteful to their God that even we, in my community, would still be subject to fear and therefore danger?

Those who would despise us share this little world of ours.

Therefore, there is no way out this time. And therefore, the work we do is all the more important. Shortly after the incidents of September 11, I had wished I'd already gotten my MD and was through residency: I wanted to run out and join Medicins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders), and help reverse the trend of the incredible and horrific health care state of Afghani women. (Read up on this. It will knock your socks off.) Then, I felt, I could do work that felt more meaningful, accomplish more to ease suffering, make a stronger display of my own peace and caring. Now, I am near that point: the MD is a few months away. I still think about service, but realize that I need to better listen to what my own strengths are and who I can serve BEST as I do something I love. There are many options when it comes to one's service-work. In the meantime I must be content knowing that I am on the path to being able to do these things, save the world in my own little corner, and with hard work know I will reap benefits for myself and others as well.

So, I am moved to action, even if it is only a slow and deliberate placing of one foot in front of the other. Some days, it's all any of us can do.

Peace.