Dedicated to my Grandmother
Lora Warfield
April 17, 1922 - August 13, 1998

by Marianne

"Love's last gift is remembrance."

This webpage is dedicated to my grandmother Lora Warfield and all the memories I have of her life.
She died on August 13, 1998 after a long illness.  Even though I know she's better off and I'm so thankful she's not suffering any more, I can't get over the terrible pain and sadness in my heart.  I miss her so much still.

Right now I think more about the end of her life here than the good parts.  She first started getting really sick at the end of September 1996.  She was first hospitalized on October 1, 1996.  Her main illness in the beginning was Parkinson's disease.  Later, in addition to that she had problems with Alzheimer's disease and dementia.  A lot of people aren't aware of all the problems that go along with these illnesses.  We went through all the stages of care giving from home health care and private in-home caretakers as well as private care homes and nursing homes and lots of emergency room care and hospitals and doctors and neurologists and psychologists.  There are some really wonderful people in health care.

Being responsible for someone who is sick like she was and who was completely helpless like she was is a really difficult job.  You're never sure if you're doing the right thing.  You always worry when you aren't there.  You always feel sad when they feel sad.  When they feel pain, you feel pain.  When they're scared, your heart is breaking for them.  In our case, by the end, my grandmother was in a lot of ways like a child.  She needed someone to take care of her every need.  She couldn't do anything for herself and she couldn't tell you if something was wrong or if she needed something.  People have told me since she died that it must be a "relief" for me.  It is a lot of things for me, but relief is certainly not a word that comes to mind.  I am thankful she's not suffering.  But I'm not relieved she's gone.  I would go through every single thing again if I could have her back for just even one more day.  I miss her more than anyone could ever understand.  It really feels like the pain you would associate with losing a child.  I feel like I have lost part of myself.  There is a great big hole in my life.  My whole life was centered around her and her needs while she was sick.  I thought about her every waking moment.  I have a big empty feeling in my heart.  I miss her so much.  When she was sick, people would tell me she was already gone, that the person I was going to see wasn't really her.  But even in her very sickest times, there were times when she was there, that spark, that smile, the love of her family.  It didn't matter if she thought I was me or her mother or one of her sisters or her daughter or even the one time she thought I was her brother Chuck.  When she thought I was part of her family, I could feel the love in her heart for her family that made her who she was.

I have lots of pictures, some of her and some of her family too.  I have added some of her favorite recipes to share.  Soon I'll be adding some music.  My goal in making this webpage is to preserve in some permanent sort of way some of the special things about Momalo and to share with the family.  She loved you all so very much.

"Thought for Today"

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.
Life is no brief candle for me.
It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.

- George Bernard Shaw

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