=============================
LOG IN: Make a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no mor wood.
MONITOR: Keep an eye on the woodstove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the fahrwood off'n the truk.
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the fahrwood off'n
the truk.
FLOPPY DISC: Whacha git from tryin' to carry too much fahrwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the fahrwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time.
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut ya shut when it's cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut ya shut when it's blak-fly season.
BYTE: Whut dem darn blak-flys do!
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottum of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Ole Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kat sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar yuh hang yore keys.
SOFTWARE: Them plastik forks and knifs and spuuns.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy City Folk wine.
ENTER: California talk fer, "C'Mon in, ya'll"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer that
new rifle, when yore wife axks.
MOUSE PAD: Hippie talk fer a rat hole.
(For sum reasun, my spellchecker went wild!!! Cain't figur it out!)
Submitted by Arlayne W. and Scott J.
=============================
A COMPUTER WAS SOMETHING ON TV
FROM A SCIENCE FICTION SHOW
A WINDOW WAS SOMETHING YOU HATED TO CLEAN...
AND RAM WAS THE COUSIN OF A GOAT...
MEG WAS THE NAME OF MY GIRLFRIEND
AND GIG WAS YOUR MIDDLE FINGER UPRIGHT
NOW THEY ALL MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS
AND THAT REALLY MEGA BYTES
AN APPLICATION WAS FOR EMPLOYMENT
A PROGRAM WAS A TV SHOW
A CURSOR USED PROFANITY
A KEYBOARD WAS A PIANO
MEMORY WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU LOST WITH AGE
A CD WAS A BANK ACCOUNT
AND IF YOU HAD A 3 1/2' FLOPPY
YOU HOPED NOBODY FOUND OUT
COMPRESS WAS SOMETHING YOU DID TO THE GARBAGE
NOT SOMETHING YOU DID TO A FILE
AND IF YOU UNZIPPED ANYTHING IN PUBLIC
YOU'D BE IN JAIL FOR A WHILE
LOG ON WAS ADDING WOOD TO THE FIRE
HARD DRIVE WAS A LONG TRIP ON THE ROAD
A MOUSE PAD WAS WHERE A MOUSE LIVED
AND A BACKUP HAPPENED TO YOUR COMMODE
CUT YOU DID WITH A POCKET KNIFE
PASTE YOU DID WITH GLUE
A WEB WAS A SPIDER'S HOME
AND A VIRUS WAS THE FLU
I GUESS I'LL STICK TO MY PAD AND PAPER
AND THE MEMORY IN MY HEAD
I HEAR NOBODY'S BEEN KILLED IN A COMPUTER CRASH
BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS THEY WISH THEY WERE DEAD
Submitted by Scott J.
================================
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding
of Mathematics
WWW - World Wide Wait
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
CD-ROM - Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools
Teenagers
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defective Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
Submited by Scott J.
===============================
REMEMBER WHEN....
A COMPUTER WAS SOMETHING ON TV
FROM A SCIENCE FICTION SHOW
A WINDOW WAS SOMETHING YOU HATED TO CLEAN
AND RAM WAS THE COUSIN OF A GOAT
MEG WAS THE NAME OF SOMEONE'S GIRLFRIEND
AND GIG WAS SOMETHING YOU DID ON STAGE FOR MONEY
NOW THEY ALL MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS
AND THAT REALLY MEGA BYTES
AN APPLICATION WAS FOR EMPLOYMENT
A PROGRAM WAS A TV SHOW
A CURSOR USED PROFANITY
A KEYBOARD WAS A PIANO
MEMORY WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU LOST WITH AGE
A CD WAS A BANK ACCOUNT
COMPRESS WAS SOMETHING YOU DID TO THE GARBAGE
NOT SOMETHING YOU DID TO A FILE
AND IF YOU UNZIPPED ANYTHING IN PUBLIC
YOU'D BE IN JAIL FOR A WHILE
LOG ON WAS ADDING WOOD TO THE FIRE
HARD DRIVE WAS A LONG TRIP ON THE ROAD
A MOUSE PAD WAS WHERE A MOUSE LIVED
AND A BACKUP HAPPENED TO YOUR COMMODE
CUT YOU DID WITH A POCKET KNIFE
PASTE YOU DID WITH GLUE
A WEB WAS A SPIDER'S HOME
AND A VIRUS WAS THE FLU
I GUESS I'LL STICK TO MY PAD AND PAPER
AND THE MEMORY IN MY HEAD
I HEAR NOBODY'S BEEN KILLED IN A COMPUTER CRASH
BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS THEY WISH THEY WERE DEAD
Submitted by Marion B.
================================
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