Caller "I've just installed Windows 95!"
Tech "Yes!"
Caller "My computer isn't working correctly!"
Tech "You said that!"
==============================
Two software programmers meet in the park for lunch.
First Software programmer; "Hey where did you get that
great mountain bike? I bet it cost you a pretty penny?"
Second programmer; "It was free!!"
First programmer; "How did you get it free?"
Second programmer; "The other day I came to this park to
eat and this really beautiful woman rode up. She jumped
off the bike; took off all her clothes, and said 'you can
have anything you want!'"
First programmer; "You were right to take the bike. I bet none
of her clothes would've fit you."
Submitted by Scott J.
=================================
Tech Support: "Type 'fix' with an 'f'."
Customer: "Is that 'f' as in 'fix'?"
=================================
Customer: "I had been waiting on the phone for you guys for
three days! So I finally decided to heck with it and did what
the instructions said.
=================================
Caller: "You guys really did it this time."
Tech: "Did what, sir?"
Caller: "Well, I bought one of your new video cards... and I
called you people to see how to install it."
Tech: "Okay."
Caller: "Well, you guys said it was plug and play... all I
would have to do was plug it in and re-boot the computer."
Tech: "That's the way it is supposed to work. What happened?"
Caller: "Well, I pulled the old card out and when I went to put
the new one in... there was a blue flash and smoke started coming
up. Now the whole darn computer doesn't work."
Tech: "You mean you tried to plug the video card in while the
machine was on?"
Caller: "Well you guys said it was plug and play!"
Submitted by the Boss
=========================================
Question: How many computer mailing list members does it take to
change a light bulb?
Answer: 422
One to change the light bulb and to post to the list that the light
bulb has been changed; 14 to share similar experiences; 7 to caution
about the dangers of changing light bulbs; 27 to point out
spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs; 53 to
flame the spell checkers; 156 to write to the list administrator
complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list; 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that
we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to the
mail list; 27 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different
light bulbs; 14 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly, and to
post corrected URL’s; 6 to post to the list that they are
unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
Oh yeah, and 6 to post to the list that the guy who sent the light
bulb joke has not gotten his arithmetic correct and that it only takes
416 list members to change a light bulb.
Submitted by Scott J.
====================================
Q: How do you recognise a computer expert on an oil rig?
A: He is the one throwing crusts to the helicopters.
Submitted by the Boss
====================================
Murphy's Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to
happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's
probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual
where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human; to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more
human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved
from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely
what
you want to do.
Submitted by Arlayne.
===============================
How come, with all the advanced
technology of the 23rd Century, the only
screen saver they have on the U.S.S.
Enterprise is the Starfield Simulator
===============================
If Microsoft made cars, you would
have to keep buying new ones just to
keep up with the speed limit.
Submitted by the Boss
===============================
Q: What happens when you take a
Packard Bell, Windows 95, a grenade
and put them together?
A: A typical upgrade.
Submitted by John D.
================================
How come, with all the advanced
technology of the 23rd Century, the only
screen saver they have on the U.S.S.
Enterprise is the Starfield Simulator
================================
If Microsoft made cars, you would
have to keep buying new ones just to
keep up with the speed limit.
================================
;/C
;/C/DOS.
;/C/DOS/RUN.
RUN/DOS/RUN>
================================
********************************************************************************
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