I started life as an unwanted child. My father went back to Pakistan, so my mother had to look after me by herself. I was taken into care and moved from home to home until I was fostered by an elderly lady. I was far from happy there, as the house was full of people with various emotional and psychological problems. When the opportunity came to go to a boarding school (called Shotton Hall), I took it. I wasn't liked at Shotton and I frequently ran away. I seriously considered suicide, but I had the nagging question my mind that there has to be more to life than this.
When I was old enough to leave the care of the social services, I moved into a flat in Newcastle. I tried to do the best I could for people, but I felt dissatisfied. However hard I tried I could not fill the gap in my life. Pascal, the Scientist and Philosopher, said that inside every person is a God-shaped vacuum that only God can fill. As well as this, I had a very real fear of dying. I didn't know where I was going to go when I died. I tried to imagine not existing but I couldn't comprehend that. I used to stay awake late at night not able to sleep because of that, or either I was worried or anxious. I tried sleeping tablets but it didn't take long to build up a resistance to them.
One Day I decided that I was going to commit suicide, since I was so unhappy. Before I did, I thought I would try phoning Lisa, an old friend. Lisa invited me to a Coffee Bar at her church. I met Peter there, who told me that Jesus loved me and died for me, and would have done that if I was the only person in the world. I had never heard that before. I noticed that the people there were very happy, so I kept going back. After a few weeks, I heard a challenge to commit my life to God. I really didn't want to go, but eventually I plucked up courage and went forward and then I asked Jesus to forgive me, to come into my life and change me.
Since then my life has been completely changed. I am no longer afraid of dying, because I know that I am going to heaven. Jesus has paid for me to go by dying for me on the cross and taking the punishment that I deserved. He did what I could never do. He lived a perfect life, so he died not for what he had done wrong but for what I had done wrong. I am no longer worried and anxious because I know the peace of God.
I used to bear a grudge against my Mother for abandoning me. Jesus gave me the power to forgive her. I also suffered from exercise induced asthma from time to time. I was prayed for, and I haven't had an asthma attack since. I know that Jesus has the power to change lives, because he has changed mine. He can change yours too, if you commit your life to him. That means that he will have to take first place in your life. His plan for your life is to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future. He loves you and cares for you. Will you turn to him?
© John Airey, johnairey@geocities.com, Background © Albino Frog Software, Inc.