I was brought up in a home where my mother who was a Christian, gave us an understanding of the things of God, and my father who was a strong atheist did not support Mum in her decision to give us Christian values.
As a child I can remember great tension on Sunday mornings as Mum got us ready for Sunday school and Dad would be coldly indifferent- and afterwards when we arrived home the arguing would begin, I felt sorry for my mum and hated the fact Dad did not believe and support Mum in this area.
I made a salvation decision at the age of 7 at a Christian Camp. I remember feeling a great sense of relief that I was free from my sin, I cried a lot and at the time didn’t really understand what this meant. I had a strong faith in God and Jesus and I remember praying for things to happen, and quite often they did. My young heart was turned towards Jesus and I enjoyed and truly believed Jesus all the wonderful things of my new life in Him.
At the age of thirteen I started to get a bit rebellious, and subsequently eventually fell in with a crowd who were doing the usual stupid teenage things, I of course, would join in , but at times felt terribly guilty in the midst of my sinning that I was really far away from God . I also spent a lot of time arguing with parents about pretty much everything and my relationship with them both deteriorated. I used to hate listening to them argue about Christianity , and I basically began to reject all the values that my Mum had given me as I turned my heart against God, my family and all that was "Christian".
I basically spent the next few years in rebellion- lying to my parents, partying, drinking, trying drugs etc. and going our with guys who were really only after one thing- . I seemed to spend a lot of my time fighting of their advances and persuasions, but I slowly began to succumb to my horrible lifestyle and began to justify my behaviour. I always felt terribly guilty when I was at parties or out with guys, and would vow to myself " this will never happen again" and of course, next party or get together the old habits and rebellion would rise up. I believe God protected me from a lot of real damage and potentially life threatening situations, because there were a number of times I was in very precarious situations, and somehow managed to come away relatively unscathed. Through this turbulent period, my mother was praying for me and would occasionally force me to turn up at church ( sometimes hung over and feeling awful ) My guilt and rebellion kept me away from making a choice to turn to Christ and get rid of all the dirt I was accumulating in my life.
At the age of 19- I remember looking in the mirror and being horrified with the hardness I saw in my face. I was an attractive looking girl, this was probably part of my problems, but the hardness of my lifestyle was starting to show and I didn’t like what I saw. I cried out to God to help me and show me a way out of the mess I had created- but I still couldnt yield to Him on my own. I swung between desperation in where I was heading and a faint hope that I could somehow work things out by myself.
My sister who was a Christian, organized for me to go to a Youth Camp, and full of rebellion and bitterness, I went - only because there weren’t any parties or other events happening over that weekend. I somehow managed to strike up a friendship with a girl over the course of the weekend, and by Saturday night - God was really starting to do something in my heart. I made a decision to follow Jesus and surrender all the muck in my life, and He did a wonderful restoring work -literally overnight. I woke up a different person and from that moment on , I knew I was saved.
The next couple of years were pretty rough as I had to work out a lot of the bad habits I had fallen into. God had to break me in a number of areas as I slowly began to fully yield to his gentle leading. Through this time I met my husband- although at the time , I figured he was the last person on earth I would end up with. We were great friends- nothing more and supported each other though a number of personal crises. God miraculously opened our eyes and hearts to each other simultaneously , we "fell in love’ and eventually married in 1987.
I met the Holy Spirit in a very close and personal way about 3 years after we married. We had been going through a difficult period, I had miscarried our first child, was unhappy in my job and things were definitely at a low point in our relationship.. The Holy Spirit reached into our situation and it was such a profound life changing thing, it felt like getting saved all over again.. He graciously showed me things about myself and brought about healing in a number of ways, that I could literally reach out and feel His prescience. I fell over, couldn’t stop laughing etc., and over the course of the next week it was like He was slowly releasing into me a power that came from the Lord. I began to step out with a new confidence and authority in sharing, witnessing, praying and from that point to now , it has been a process that has showed me so much more of the Fathers heart and love for me personally.
Now ? Well the Lord is continuing to do wonderful things in many areas of my life, we have two beautiful young children and our marriage is strong and healthy. He has restored my relationship with my parents which had been so badly damaged through my teenage years. My husband and I have had many fantastic opportunities to share our faith, be involved in Youth Groups, Home groups, women’s groups, prayer and ministry. My heart is for the lost and in encouraging others to move on in where they are in Christ- He promises that He will never leave or forsake us, and We have a new Life in Him. God has allowed me to witness the miraculous, be available for others, taste His Glory and a glimpse of our Heavenly inheritance. I give God the glory in all things in my life, He has been so gracious to me - given me opportunities to give out to others the things He has placed in my life. May it continue as I grow in my relationship with Him.
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This page is still under construction !! It is amazing I have got this far. Ill somehow "fancy" it up when i figure out how ! May God Bless you today . I pray He has spoken to you in something I have shared.
© 1997 baza@ihug.co.nz
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