|
Contents The Evolution of Mom AP Perceptions The N'Sync'ing of our Kids The Evolution of Mom It’s been over six years now. That moment my husband and I decided we’d like to start a family. That decision was basically an emotional one, not a decision based on experience or knowledge. Neither of us had had much experience with babies or children, nor did we know much about raising them. We didn’t know much about them, we just knew we wanted one. Thus began my evolution into mom. My initiation was, in fact, a painful one. I had become pregnant relatively quickly, and miscarried. It was a painful lesson in life, teaching us that bearing life is not something to be taken lightly. Nor was it something to be taken for granted. This balance was a delicate one, fraught with pain as well as sheer love. We continued to work toward achieving another pregnancy, and in this process I learned much. Though I was blessed with another pregnancy that following summer, I had learned to trust in my body and in my spirit. This pregnancy began just a bit fearfully, I was unsure of the outcome. I had learned that there are no guarantees. But the first few months flew by uneventfully, and I became a bit more relaxed in my own skin. There were a few bumps in the road, a test indicating the baby had a higher than average chance of having Down’s Syndrome, Preeclampsia, things still went smoothly. My progression toward motherhood continued. In late winter, in a hospital bed with chemicals in my bloodstream, I met my son. My perfect and blissful son. I still recall bringing him home in his carrier, and watching him sleep in the living room and realizing for the first time that this person relied on me exclusively for his well being. He relied on my strength, my humor, my love. And I had no clue what I was doing. Parenthood is very much on the job training. You can read every book written, talk to every expert out there, but you will not know how to do this job until you’re there, in the trenches. And no one can tell you how you will perform, how you will deal. I started out trying to do things “right”. I tried to do the things my mother, my mother in law, and everyone in between was telling me to do. I tried to do what the books said to do. I stopped breastfeeding him after the first week because I didn’t know anyone who breastfed; I didn’t have access to the necessary information or support. I gave up and gave in to the pressures of others. I think in that I learned another valuable lesson in parenthood. I learned that I was the mommy. I learned that only we could make these tough decisions on what was right and wrong for our family. I started listening to that quiet voice I kept hearing in moments of stillness, in moments I wasn’t so insecure in my parenting. I listened to that voice in the middle of one night, when I brought our son to our bed. I listened to that voice when I comforted him in his moments of need instead of letting him cry for no good reason. That voice became stronger and more insistent. That voice became my solace and my sanity when others questioned our methods. On my son’s second birthday, I found I was pregnant with another child. I still remember the joy I felt at being given the chance to mother another being. The same nagging, small fear was there at the beginning of this pregnancy, same as the last. I still knew how fragile this was. Again, time slipped by and again, there were bumps in this road as well. This time there was a suspected congenital defect as well as gestational diabetes to deal with. I do have a certain amount of gratitude for these obstacles as I feel they served a larger purpose. More possibilities that taught me nothing is to be taken for granted. This time, the voice within was strong and sung out to me. The voice was resonant and serene. I knew this was to be different, that I was to listen to myself and find strength within myself. It was late fall, also in a hospital bed, but this time without any barrier between myself and the ebbing pains that I met my daughter. My spirited and ethereal daughter. This time it felt like returning to a place I had been; returning to find hidden things that I hadn’t had time to notice on my first visit. And this time, I was at peace with my decisions and therefore more open to that inner voice, those instincts. I followed them this time instead of fighting them. And this has all been my evolution toward motherhood. Yes, I am still evolving. I am in no way perfect as this job is an ever changing one. However, it is at this point that I am able to say I am at peace with my parenting choices. I am at peace with the manner in which I choose to raise my children. Parenting by instinct has been a gradual progression, yet a comfortable one. The choices I make now are determined by the people who reside within my house rather than those who reside without. ~Cheryl~ ~top~ AP Perceptions
Today I had a revelation. Sounds much more exciting than it was, but I'll share anyway. I happened to mention to a new friend that I needed to work on my site. Oh, she asks, you have a website? So I look at her, trying to determine how to broach the subject at hand - attachment parenting. She's childless and single - so I'm not sure how this is going to sit with her. But hey, I'm feeling froggy, so I leap into a discription of my site. I notice a raised eyebrow. Then two. Uh-oh. I think she's seen 20/20. I'm right. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, the news show 20/20 aired a segment on attachment parenting in mid 1999. The segment was cut, sliced and diced so that in the end, ap'ers were akin to side show freaks. The show made quite a few assumptions about people who choose to parent in a positive manner. That said, I explained to my friend that, no, we don't cosleep into adolescence and most of us don't breastfeed into elementary school. Mind you, I said most. We're all very different families, in different points in our journeys. I know many ap families and none are exactly alike in their methods or ideals. I quickly felt unable to find just the right words to describe this "thing" that we do and feel so strongly about. I understood that there's no perfect way to describe this, no one way to interpret our style. And as I tried to find those right words, a reality hit me right between the eyes - I don't have to explain why I do what I do. No, I can just do what I want simply because. I guess at the same time, I try to be a spokes-mom for positive parenting. I figure the more vocal about my opinion, the more I show people how normal this is. The more I support those parents out there who may be yearning to parent in this way, but feel society's pull toward the mainstream. I show people I'm proud of my decisions and what they've done for my family. I try to make others at least respect why I do what I do. And that's a goal I hold for myself as well - I try to empathize with others and feel where they're coming from. That's a tough one - I'll admit. So I do understand the occasional raised eyebrow and shake of the head. Those people just don't understand - yet! So in my explanation to my friend, I accentuated the differences between one family and the next who both consider themselves ap. I told her how there's no set of rules and no one way to do this parenting thing. And I think she understood that. I'm glad I was able to change one person's perception of attachment parenting. I call that a good day! |
|
Home / Positive Parenting / Breastfeeding / Homeschooling / Green Living / Webrings |
