Surviving Betrayal
"It is in our weakest moment that we find our greatest strength."
I AM A STRONG ASSERTIVE WOMAN AND I AM ABLE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF.
I CAN ASK FOR WHAT I WANT AND I DESERVE TO HAVE MY NEEDS MET.
I HAVE CHOICES ABOUT WHAT I DO AND I APPRECIATE MYSELF.
I wish the BEST for each of you. You are a valued, beautiful, strong soul who has been handed a 45-card deck and was expected to play a full card game in this life. There are no right answers to any of this, but yes there ARE answers and there IS life and there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Keep holding on to that okay? No matter what place you find yourself in NOW… this NOW is not the FOREVER. Hold on to that. Hold to your integrity, your honor, and your character. Recognize all the feelings you have right NOW are real and they too may not be forever.
Yahoo! ID: ladyrod
I am Sandy 35, I live in Oak Harbor, WA. I have three boys- Anthony 15, Andrew 12 , Adam 9. D-day was Feb 2000 (OC was already 4 months old) H had a one night stand with a 18 year old girl at his military
command. He was 32 at the time. We paid CS and H had no contact with OC. He seen OC two or three times before he told me and hasn’t seen her since that I know of. OC lives in a different state. H and I tried to rebuild, but after 15 years of marriage we divorced October 2003 because he is a serial cheater.
He met another young girl from his military command and another OC was born 5 days after my divorce was final. My Exhusband married TT 5 weeks later. Ex-H leaving is the best thing that could have happened to me. My life is so much better without him in it.
Yahoo! ID: csb_49
Carolyn here! We live in Texas, it was a work affair (boss/secretary
thing..ugh),the oc is a boy--soon to be three, we have been very,
very happy since we started rebuilding. Both of us have grown not
only as a couple, but as individuals. I have two children, both
in their early 20's and one, super terrific, beautiful, red headed,
blue eyed grandson (Can you tell I'm proud!! lol) I work in pricing
and my H is a Computer Engineer. We are really, really, really
enjoying the kids being grown..hehehe.
Yahoo! ID: earthmuffinmomma
I am julie, a fulltime mommy to alana (4-4-98), lizzie (5-20-01) and nathan (7-19-03). I am currently married to bill (9-20-97). dday was 8-10-02 and oc, patrick, was born 7-23-01. It was an ongoing work affair that lasted almost 3 years of our then 4 yr marriage. We have been to court and pay out the wazoo in cs. dh has mild contact w/ oc.
Yahoo! ID: angel6020
I'm Robin I live in Calif. have been with H for 27 years married for 22.
We have two boys Nathan 21 & Adam 18. A started in Dec. 98, tt got preg.
4 months later after stating she couldn't have any children, (must have been
an immaculate conception). Tori was born 1/99 DNA test were taken in 11/99
tt wouldn't allow it until then when she decided she wanted money after saying
she wanted nothing. H has was involved with Tori from day one, even when he
wasn't sure she was his. he did this without mine or our families knowing this.
I didn't have anything to do with Tori until she was 14 months old, our boys
wanted nothing to do with her up to this point. Even after we got the test
back that proved 98.2% H was the Father. I was not allowed around Tori at
all tt had her sheriff friends write a letter stating that I tried to kill
them both. And they did this without any proof. H and I started rebuilding in
8/00 after many attempts I might add. Not until I was totally finished with
all H's and tt's crap did he do a 180 turn around. We have successfully grown
in our marriage and our own lives. We are stronger today than all the years we
have spent together. We truly have been blessed by the Lord our love for each
other is stronger for all that we have been through and this was only by the
grace of God that not only that I made it through the last 5 years but my H has
also made it through. Tori is part of our everyday lives and I love her with all my heart and soul. Our two boys love her and are really great with her. Tis was a long hard road for them the oldest accepted her into his life just as I did, but the youngest had a hard time of it. But now he treats her like a little sister instead of the plague. She may have been born to the tt but the Lord has poured his grace upon me to accept the unacceptable. We are great together and we love each other very much. She's my little girl not just the tt's, and the tt hates the fact that we do love each other. Especially that Tori has called me Mommy from day one. We are currently trying to get the old court orders changed so that Tori and I can be left alone together. It’s been a long hard road but I'm
trusting in the Lord for the out come of this. He has never let me down and I know
that he will see me through this also.
Yahoo! ID: sfangel707
I'm Sandrine, 43 years old with a 21-year-old son
(Antoine) from my first marriage. I have a brand new
absolutely gorgeous grandson (born 10/15/03) My H had
an A (supposedly a ONS but I don't buy it) 3 months
into our marriage with a woman he knew for 2 years
from his former church (so much for Christ like
behavior). After d-day (2/19/02 - which was 9 months
after our wedding date), my H did some terrible things
including being in the delivery room with tt, moving
in and out, having other inappropriate relationships
with other women. OC was born 5/17/02 and is a boy.
After hitting my limit and asking for a divorce (and I
was serious to the point of filing papers), he finally
got serious about rebuilding. We have relocatd to
Texas from CA and are finaling moving forward with our
lives. We were involved in OC's life until the move.
Yahoo! ID: amberly44
My name is Amber and I am 25. I am soon to be the mother of a
beautiful little girl, Madelyn Rose in August 2004. My H and I have
been together since 1996, I met him when I was 17! In a way I had 2
D-days. The first was January 12th, 2002. My H left me for TT and
filed for divorce after 17 months of marriage. She was pregnant
within a month of him leaving me before the divorce papers were even
written up or barely thought about. The divorce was final in April
of 2002 and we were back together by May 2002. We remarried in
August 2002. Everything was wonderful and we had no contact with OC.
He ended up sneaking behind my back to see TT and OC. I had told him
that I would be totally open to having OC in our lives. We separated
in April 2003 and reconciled yet again in June 2003. Things were
great and we decided to have a child of our own. He was again having
no contact with TT or OC by his choice as far as I know. My second D-
Day was January 26, 2004. I was 3 months pregnant and he left again
to be with the TT. We are now awaiting the birth of our child so
that we can get a dissolution. It has been an awful roller coaster
ride for me but I hope that I can have a wonderful new beginning
with my daughter. I used to think that the TT won, but I realize now
that I am the true winner....
Yahoo! ID: LadyMaria28
My name is Donna, sahm to Becky (13) and Izzy (2). Have rebuilt.
Still having "troubles" with TT, big surprise. Guess you could call
it a work affair since they are both Active Duty and were deployed
together in Hungary. We are, at the moment, in California. She is
stationed now in Colorado. We've never gone the legal way.
Although my poor DH is thinking some interesting thoughts about No
Contact. Not sure how to do that without losing OC completely. BTW, OC is 5yo.
Yahoo! ID: l8nite8842
Tina K -Michigan-mom to 3 and counting (:-)), oc is 6-we have
"limited" contact, just recently met him over the holidays,
bun in wench-woman's oven not our concern until the DNA tests
come back.... we have rebuilt, but work on it EVERYDAY!
Yahoo! ID: vickie_aka_finding
Vickie, 41, mom to 1 dd (from previous marriage), not married to SO
(yet) but we've been together 10+ years, SO confessed A 10/01, didn't
find out about tt's pregnancy until 12/01 at which time she was about
6 months along, oc born 2/02, no contact, we live in North Carolina
and are rebuilding.
Yahoo! ID: tmv972003
I'm Tina, 31, living in Houston but moving to NYC this spring. H had
a work affair (he insists ONS but I doubt it) and OC was born 5/02 -
Elizabeth, very sweet kid.
Yahoo! ID: hurt2s
Lilly, 37 and working mom, 1 DD (4 years). Live in VA, DH had 2 A's
both workplace, last one resulting in OC (7/01) and 1 internet
happening that resulted in a psych b**& stalking us (phone,
internet...and believe me I still believe she is following our every
move so - kinda get bit paranoid after such an episode)
DH lives in apartment since 8/01 while we are working on rebuilding.
I am still optimistic we will get past this, although I still hit my
rough spots every now and then (like these last few days).
Yahoo! ID:
Heather, 21, fulltime student. d-day 11.14.02, SO found out of tt's
pregnancy when she was about 6 mo along. unmarried, but we have been
dating for 3 1/2 years (closer to 4 now), plan to get married when i
am done with school (one more year there). Not quite an a- we had a huge
argument and put the relationship on hold- he had a drunken one night
stand with the tt that night. (i call her the redheaded slut, so you'll
see that every once in awhile ;) oc born 12.24.02 as nearly as we can figure.
she didn't let us know until after he was born.
we are currently "no contact" with her. he is not listed on the birth
certificate and no action of any kind has taken place on either of
our parts. last we heard from her, she did not even want to declare
his paternity. rumor flying around though is that she will try to
come after him for cs and screw him over that way. we don't want
things to get ugly but if she forces our hand then so be it. if we go
to court we are going to try for full custody (not that we think
we'll get it, just to put the fear of god in her. that's really what
she's afraid of) we are rebuilding. it's very hard. but we are determined not to let this worthless trashy whore screw up OUR relationship.
Yahoo! ID: loftyerd
I'm Danielle, H
cheated for 2.5-4 months (he says 2.5, OW says 4) months. started
during my 7th or 8th month of pregnancy. she knew he was married and
pregnant. skank... anyways! we are trying to rebuild but I can't
get past the fact she will share what I just had, or that they won't
even be a year apart! we have only been married a little over a
year, our 1 yr anniversary was 1.5 months after d-day 9/21/02. the
OC is due 5/29/03. needless to say, I'm NOT looking forward to it.
currently H says he wants nothing to do with them (OW/OC) unless she
files for support. then since he will pay, he will visit. I don't
know if I can handle that. sometimes I want custody of OC (I'll be
damned if some whore raises MY husband's child!!) and othertimes i
want to just run away from all of this. I just moved back with H 3
weeks ago, while we were separated my DS and i stayed with my
parents. this is the hardest thing I've ever done!! but I can see
he's sorry and wants this to work. I just need to stop subconciously
trying to sabotage everything! LOL! BTW, i'm 25, H is 27, ds 4.5 mo.
Yahoo! ID: procyonlotor
I'm Margaret 43, going on 160 or so. Work full time w/ 1 DD who
will be 3 next week! Been w/ H for almost 14 yrs, he
had a ONS (so he said w/ TT, who he worked w/) OC will
be 4 in april. Thought we had been rebuilding but he
continues to have affairs, I have proof of at least 6
over our 14 yrs together, truly questioning my
intelligence and sanity over the past few months. If
you haven't noticedI'm the dark outsider here, w/ the
strange and dark sense of humor. Nothing is so bad
that I haven't thought of it first!!! Trust me!!!
Yahoo! ID: marylh4000
My name is Mary Lynn (ML) I work as a psychiatric nurse. I have three children 7, 4 and 2. I have been married 12 years now. In December 2000 my H came to me the day after Christmas to tell me he no longer loved me and would be leaving in January.
In January 2001 we met an attorney friend to draw
up the papers during that meeting he told me he could not do it and
wanted to stay married. Later that night I walked outside while he
was on the phone and heard him breaking up with someone. Over the
next few weeks he continued to contact her and I put him out. After
he was out of the house he would call and beg to move back pledging
his fidelity swearing all contact had ended. Making all the steps I felt
needed and I allowed him back in my life. Within 2 weeks I learned I
was pregnant. Rebuilding was great, some of the best times of my
marriage, great trips and family time. Time really does help the
pain I was really healing from the affair.
By July he told me the person that I hated the
most in the world had his child less than 6 months after my last
baby. That meant he had continued the affair.
The baby girl was born 6-2-03 and named after a star wars character.
He provided her supplies and money until I found out. He cut off contact which triggered her to file for support and she became livid when he requested a paternity
test. I took that as a good sign but my hopes were dashed when the
test came back as it was his. We then went to court to establish
support and decided not to be a part of this child's life.
We are attempting to work on the marriage but this
is very different than the past we are both hurt deeply.
Yahoo! ID: kdmomma02
I'm Kelly, 21; I live in Katy, TX (a suburb of Houston) with my
Gorgeous little girl, Tayla who will be 2 in April 2004. D-Day was
May 1, 2002, I finally gave up on rebuilding, neither myself nor my
XH have had any contact with OC. We got married on April 1 (April Fools... should have
see that coming), on April 6 I had my baby shower, which TT
attended, even helped us take all our presents back to the house, we
even got our crib from a friend of hers from work. On April 25th TT
found out she was pregnant and told my H, the next morning I went
into labor and our beautiful daughter, Tayla was born. Then, five days after Tayla was born, he told me TT was pregnant. Needless to say I didn't have to ask whose it was.
Struggled to rebuild, he said he wanted to and would cry with me,
then would go out at night and not come home until the next day.
Started happening more and more frequently and he was seeing several
different girls. Suffered through the most miserable year of my
life before finally understanding that it was okay to let go. One
person can't hold a commitment by themself.
Now I'm a single mom, happier than I've ever been, strong,
determined, stubborn and making three times more money than when I
was relying on H to make a living. He's miserable and lonely and is
going nowhere in life and he knows it. I wake up in the morning
and I can breath.
Yahoo! ID: krisjod
I am Kristen (30) from Benbrook, TX. I have a son Brandon (5). D-Day was July 21, 002. My (ex)husband and I worked on rebuilding our marriage which ended unsuccessfully and we finally separated October 31, 2002 and divorced April 10, 2003. OC was born February 2003, and my (ex) husband had contact with oc in the begining and now has chosen to not be involved with oc. Although divorced, tt, oc situation tends to creep into my life ocassionally, but for the most part I have slowly regained my since of self and am moving forward with my life.
Yahoo! ID: alwayscookindinner
My name is Emma. I am 35, live in NC, married and have a son and
a daughter. My story is a little different because it was my father who
had a work affair, secretary, which produced oc. Did not find out about
any of this until I was 20 and oc was 12. I have never had contact with oc,
and my father has had limited contact due to tt wanting her H at the time
to raise child as his. A DNA test was never done. My parents seperated
after my father confessed to us all, but reconciled 1 year later and have
been together ever since. My mom says she is happier and more in love
with my dad than ever before...so there are happy endings. I, however, still
struggle with my father's deceit and selfishness. It has influenced my trust
and faith in my H. After all these years, I am working hard to let go.
LOVE CAN BUILD A BRIDGE
by The Judds
I'D GLADLY WALK ACROSS THE DESERT
WITH NO SHOES UPON MY FEET
TO SHARE WITH YOU THE LAST BITE OF BREAD I HAD TO EAT
I WOULD SWIM OUT TO SAVE YOU
IN YOUR SEA OF BROKEN DREAMS
WHEN ALL YOUR HOPES ARE SINKING
LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT LOVE MEANS
LOVE CAN BUILD A BRIDGE
BETWEEN YOUR HEART AND MINE
LOVE CAN BUILD A BRIDGE
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME
I WOULD WHISPER LOVE SO LOUDLY
EVERY HEART WOULD UNDERSTAND
THAT LOVE AND ONLY LOVE CAN JOIN THE TRIBES OF MAN
I WOULD GIVE MY HEART'S DESIRE SO THAT YOU MIGHT SEE
THE FIRST STEP IS TO REALIZE
THAT IT ALL BEGINS WITH YOU AND ME
WHEN WE STAND TOGETHER, OH IT'S OUR FINEST HOUR
WE CAN DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING
IF WE KEEP BELIEVING IN THE POWER OF LOVE
IT'S OUR FINEST HOUR
WE CAN DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING
"If you experience a disappointment through some experience,
that disappointment exists at the moment of its happening
and is valid in that moment. But if you hang on to it
and let it affect the next moment - and the next,
and the next - it becomes a fixation and starts
controlling you. Let it go and move into now."
-- John-Roger
A FRIEND by Diana Mitev
A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,
Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.
A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.
A friend is like those blades of grass
you can never mow,
standing straight, tall, and proud
in a perfect little row.
A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.
Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.
A Friend Like You
by Anonymous
There's lots of things
With which I'm blessed,
My problems have been few,
But of all, this one's the best:
To have a friend like you.
In times of trouble
Friends will say,
"Just ask, I'll help you through it."
But you don't wait for me to ask,
You just get up and do it!
And I can think
of nothing more
That I could wisely do,
Than know a friend,
And be a friend,
And have a friend like you.
Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your 
.
This page was created on January 24, 2003.