There will be no serious discussion found here. I'm part of a group of people who have formed a cyber relationship with this new fangled gadget. There are eighteen of us living in 14 States. We use Chat Rooms, fire E-mail back and forth and have become good friends.
None of us are well educated in the use of computers. That is probably the understatement of the century. We all enjoy a laugh about these wonderful machines.
. I still do the grocery shopping, And make a bed or two; But instead of staring at TV, I spend some time with you.
I go with friends or family, To dinner or a show; I take the time to hear my kids, Or to watch a flower grow.
But yes, you'll find me off and on, Sitting on my puter chair; And talking to my cyber friends, Who always seem to care.
There are redeeming qualities, And hear me if you will; Since playing in this cyber world, I've improved keyboarding skill.
In fact I feel at peace with life, Things are going well; The only thing it hasn't done, Is teach me how to spell.
Contrary Computer
You are not my private tutor. You, machine, are just computer. Please refrain from correcting me, However great Wizards may be. You have earned my indignation Criticizing grammar, punctuation. Another thing that I am telling You: "You lay off my spelling!" You have merited invective By being just too darned selective. Although I used you to write verses, You've willfully incurred my curses: When I write prose for change of pace, You begin next line with upper case. You may improve a business letter, But I consider pen much better. Bigoted machine, just watch yourself Or you'll be stored in box on shelf.
Florence Ferrell
Women report that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men feel that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills.
BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list.
CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at the computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"
DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.
ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look."
EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips").
HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school.
PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it.
RETURN: What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a half.
TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
Every evening as I'm lying here in bed This little prayer keeps running through my mortal head
God bless my mom and dad and bless my little child and take care of my spouse when things start gettin wild....
and God there's one more thing I wish that you could do hope ya don't mind me askin' but 'PLEASE' bless my 'puter too??
Now I know that it's not normal to bless a mother board but listen just a second while I explain to you, "MY LORD"
you see, that little metal box holds more than odds and ends. inside those small components rest a hundred of my 'BEST FRIENDS'
Some it's true I've never seen and most I've never met we've never shaken hands or shared a meal as yet...
I know for sure they like me by the kindnesses that they give and this little scrap of metal is how I travel to where they live.
by faith is how I know them much the same as I know you. I share in what life brings them from that our friendship grew.
'PLEASE' take an extra minute from your duties up above... to bless this hunk of metal that's filled with so much love.
Author Unknown
I have a spelling checker I disk covered four my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it. Your sure real glad two no. Its very polished in its weigh, My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen Eye trussed too bee a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore wee rote with checkers Hour spelling was inn deck line, Butt now when wee dew have a laps, Wee are not maid too wine.
And now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, There are know faults in awl this peace, Of nun eye am a wear.
To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should be proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaws are knot aloud.
That's why eye brake in two averse Cuz Eye dew want too please. Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye This soft wear four pea seas.
Working with computers day in and day out can be stressful. Sometimes you have to make a minor adjustment to the equipment.