I have an undergraduate degree in physics and, though I am not working in that field, I have spent time with those who are. Contrary to popular belief, physicists are not pointdexter dweebs--they are funny, vulgar and crude. Good folks. In 1998 at Case Western Reserve they had a conference allegedly about microgravity transport phenomena. I happen to know the code words they used in advertising the conference and present them below. (This is sort of like revealing a magician's secrets.)

Official Title of Paper	Title Translated into Plain English
Thermocapillary Flows with Low Frequency g-Jitter	Constipated Eskimo farting at a summer concert
Attenuation of Gas Turbulence by a Nearly Stationary Dispersion of Fine Particles	Seated musician's splatter fart
Fluid physics in a Fluctuating Acceleration Environment	Wet fart in an elevator
Constrained Vapor Bubble	Scuba diver fart
Frontal Polymerization in Microgravity	Space shuttle cockpit fart
Effective Forces Between Colloidal Particles	Squeezed out lumpy farts
Absolute and Convective Instability of a Liquid Jet	Diarrhea on a roller coaster
Linear Viscoelasticity of Hard Sphere Crystals from Resonance Detected with Dynamic Light Scattering	Rock candy farts at a fireworks display
Weakly Nonlinear Description of Parametric Instabilities in Vibrating Flows	Cheek flapping fart
Analogies between Colloidal Sedimentation and Turbulent Convection at High Prandt Numbers	Mathematician farting while flushing the toilet
Dynamics of the Molten Contact Line	Burner fart
Two-Phase Flows	Burping and farting
Inertial Effects in Suspension Dynamics	Loose stool in a toilet on a train

 

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