OUR FAMILY

Here is a picture of my family. I'm Lisa, I was 7 months pregnant with Connor in this picture. Megan is 5, she just graduated from Nursery School. My husband Ted is holding Sarah, she is 1 year old in this picture.


My name is Lisa and my husband's name is Edward, we call him Ted, and this is our family's story and picture. We both wanted children after we got married so we started our family a year after we married. I found out that I was pregnant on our 1st anniversary, we were in Grand Cayman. I was so happy and scared. Was I ready to be a mommy? As my husband said it was too late to have second thoughts. I was happy but like everyone I was scared of the unknown. My pregnancy went well, a little morning sickness but that went away at 13 weeks. My checkups were normal and my baby was due May 25, 1993. We didn't know what sex the baby was, everyone told me I was having a boy, I really wanted a girl.
Megan was born on May 27, 1993 after 11 hrs of labor. We were so naive with her pregnancy I knew nothing would go wrong. She was born with her cord around her neck x2 and meconium aspiration but she would survive. She spent a couple of hours in NICU and then I got to hold her. I never heard her take her first cry, they whisked her away to quickly. The day of discharge I was told she had a hole in her heart and they took her for an ultrasound. My husband came in to see our daughter and me and he found me alone in the shower and asked where Megan was and all I could do was cry. I really scared him, I didn't mean to I just was so scared. I told him they took her for a test because they found a hole in her heart. I was told it was small and everything would be OK. When she was two months old the hole closed. We were so thankful. She was a very easy child, loved to sleep as much as I did. Everything was going great it was time to think about giving her a playmate.
We decided to start trying when she was 2 years old. I got pregnant about 6 months later. We were happy that it didn't take us a long time. This pregnancy was different then with Megan, I was sick a lot. My morning sickness finally stopped at 16 weeks. We wanted to know what sex this baby was because it was going to be our last. We had hoped for a boy, you know the all American dream 2.2 children, house and a dog. At 20 weeks I had an ultrasound to determine the sex, we were told it was a boy and that there was something wrong, to read about what happened go to Tyler's Story. That pregnancy was a rollercoaster ride the scariest one ever. My pregnancy ended on Feb 12,1996 with the death of my son, Tyler Sanderson Sargent.
The next couple of months were a blur. I couldn't believe I had buried my child. If I didn't have my wonderful husband and my almost 3year old I know I wouldn't have been able to survive this devastating loss. After a couple of months I decided I wanted to try to have another child. We started trying; I really wanted a boy, so timing had to be perfect. Each month came and so didn't my period. I did finally get pregnant in August. Of course my first reaction was that of fear and then happiness. I was glad to be pregnant again, I loved being pregnant. We wanted to know the sex so again I had an ultrasound, level 2 due to the problems with Tyler. We were told that the baby was healthy and the sex was that of a girl. I have to say at the time I was depressed I knew how much my husband wanted a boy and I wanted to give him one. My pregnancy was uneventful and my doctor said he would induce me at 37 weeks because I was a nervous wreck. I delivered a very healthy baby girl who weighed a hearty 8lb.8oz. After holding Sarah in my arms I was grateful for another girl. She has taught me so much in her short life. I learned to love again and of course not take anything for granted. She is definitely an angel sent to me by God and her brother.
Our family was complete, I thought. Sarah was a very easy going child, loved to be held unlike her sister. Sarah brought such happiness and light into our lives. Megan couldn't wait for her to grow up so she could play with her. Megan seemed to be adjusting well to Tyler's death and Sarah's birth. She still wanted a baby brother. We told her that we didn't think we were going to have another child and she seemed OK with that.
Time passed and I finally accepted Tyler's death. I still longed to hold him but I had accepted the fact I was never going to be with him on this earth, I would have to wait until I joined him. At this point it had been two long years since Tyler died. My family was complete I had my two children, that's what my husband and I agreed on. I had been pregnant for two straight years and only had one living child, so my body went through a lot. Well we were in for a surprise, we weren't done. I found out that I was pregnant when Sarah was 8 months old. I was very excited because I wanted another baby, Ted was unsure.
Again I wanted an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK. I had been taking medications prior to my knowing that I was pregnant. I was on provera to bring on my period because my preg test was neg. and I still didn't get my period, now I know why. I didn't want to know the sex even though deep down I knew it was a boy, I was scared what if I lost him to. I had had a dream when I was about 13 weeks pregnant and the name Connor popped into my head so I knew I had to name this child Connor; I didn't want to test fate. Well our world came crashing down around us at 18 weeks the ultrasound showed that the baby might have a fatal birth defect. The amnio was done and the waiting game began again. The week was the longest week I have ever spent, finally the test results were in the baby was healthy. I had to know what sex it was so I asked and was told it was a boy. I knew everything would be OK with this child because of everything that already happened and because we were told he was genetically fine.
Time passed and my pregnancy was going great so some of my fears disappeared. The end of the pregnancy was approaching and soon I would be holding my son in my arms. We learned at my 40-week check that the baby had died; you can read about it under Connor's Story. I couldn't believe that I had to bury another child of mine. I had finally accepted Tyler's death and now I had to deal with losing another child. I felt my life was over and I lost my chance to ever have another baby. Ted had a vasectomy a month before Connor was stillborn.
I knew I couldn't mentally handle this knowing I was never going to feel life again. I didn't want to end my childbearing years with another tragedy. I was put on medication for sleep and for depression, they were scared about postpartum depression. I did everything everybody wanted me to until Connor's 8-week anniversary. I decided at that time I needed to take control of my life. I stopped all the medication and I started talking to my husband about another child, at first I had thought about adopting but that proved not to be an option. We couldn't afford it, which is really sad that the children are dying in orphanages and because someone can't afford it the children have to suffer. I had offers of having someone carry a child for us. My twin sister would donate the egg and my friend would carry the child. We gave that much consideration but I was afraid of losing my best friend so the next option was for me to get pregnant.
I so wanted to feel life again inside me so even though the idea was frightening to me it was one that really made me feel good again. We decided, with my husband's approval, to do artificial insemination. I began checking my cycle, which has been very irregular after Connor died. I had gotten the approval from the sperm bank I was to be inseminated the week before Christmas. We had an appointment with the Urologist just to see about the cost of the reversal, just too expensive, another dead-end right? WRONG we were told the week of my impending insemination that insurance would cover the cost of the reversal. I since put the insemination on hold, didn't want to cancel it totally until I got pregnant. Ted is scheduled to have surgery Dec. 30, 1998. He so wanted to do this; I was the one with second thoughts.
As I wait for the day to arrive when we can start trying again, I'm getting more and more nervous. I know this is what I want and what my husband wants but I can't help being scared that I might lose another child. I know that I must try again, I don't really know why I just had this feeling that I must have another child. I think it was a sign from the boys, it just seems like we have been getting such positive signs, I hope I'm not reading into them.
My friends, the ones I have told and my sister are very supportive, my parents well that's another story. I have decided not to tell anyone when I do actually become pregnant. I would never want to disappointment Megan again, it was so hard on her to lose Connor along with Tyler. My goal is to keep it from her and others for as long as possible. I do hope to be adding another section to this homepage but I know that I must wait and be patient, that is something I'm not very good at. Sorry. I will update this section as the need arises. Thanks for taking the time to meet my family and read my stories about my two earth angels and my two beautiful heavenly angels, Tyler Sanderson and Connor Edward. Take care and Godbless. I know we have been with our daughters and our sons, even though they couldn't stay with us.

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