The Coffee Shop
A Place For All Law Enforcement Officers To Relax
You Might Be A Cop IF :
You have the bladder capacity of Five People
You have ever restrained someone and it was NOT a sexual experience
You belive 25% of the people are a waste of protoplasm
Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change
You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly towards you
You think that it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal
You can identify a negative "Tattoo to Tooth" ratio just by looking at a person
You find humor in other people's stupidity
You belive in the ariel spraying of Prozaec
You belive that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says
"Boy it sure is quite around here"
You think that your dispatcher is possessed
You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. Form
Murphy's law of Law Enforcement
-New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains
-Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off
-Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift
-Suprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through the mud
-The bigger they are the harder they fall, also the harder they kick and punch
-Never search a dark warehouse with a cop who's nickname is "Boom-Boom"
-If you park you patrol car in the middle of the Gobi Desert,
some one will pull up within 5 minutes and ask for directions
-Coffee machines will only break down on the Graveyard shift
-To error is human, But to forgive is against company policy
-Glow in the dark sights are visible to the bad guy hiding behind you
-The speed you respond to a fight in progress call is inversely proportional to how long you have been a cop
-Bullet proof vests MIGHT be
-Your Bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder
-In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, Any impact weapon will strike the cops more times than it will the bad guy
-Waterproof boots aren't
-You are always down wind from pepper spray
Top Ten Signs That Your Partner Needs A VACATION
9 He is starting to develope a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested
8 He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he looks good in a collar
7 He talks to himself - Half is the "Good Cop" and the other half is the "Bad Cop"
6 He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd" and thinks that suspects should be executed on the spot
5 He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat
4 He is exchanging donut recepies with strangers
3 The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids
2 Every Thursday he insists that it is his turn to be the siren
1 He wants to hear less talk and more music on the Police Channel
The Serious Side
What Is A Cop ?
Cops are human (belive it or not) just like the rest of us. They come in both sexes but mostly male.
They also come in various sizes. This sometimes depends on whether you are looking for one
or trying to hide something. However, They are mostly big.
Cops are found everywhere - on land, on the sea, in the air, on horses, and in cars, sometimes in
your hair. In spite of the fact that "you can't find one when you want one," they are usually there
when it counts most. The best way to get one is to pick up the phone.
Cops deliver lectures, babies, and bad news. They are required to have the wisdom of Soloman,
the disposition of a lamb and muscles of steel and are often accused of having a heart to match.
He's the one who rings the doorbell, swallows hard and announces the passing of a loved one;
then spends the rest of the day wondering why he ever took such a "crummy job".
On T.V. a cop is an oaf who couldn't find a bull fiddle in a telephone booth. In real life he's expected to find a little blond boy "about so high" in a crowd of a half million people. In fiction, he gets help from private eyes, reporters, and "who dun-it fans". In real life, mostly all he gets from the public is
"I didn't see nuttin".
When he serves a summons, he's a monster. If he lets you go, He's a doll. To little kids, he's either a friend or the bogeyman, depending on how parents feel about it. He works "around the clock", split shifts, Sundays and holidays, and it kills him when a joker says "hey tomorrow is Election Day, I'm off, let's go fishing." (That's the day he works 20 hours).
A cop is like the little girl, who, when she was good, was very very good, but, when she was bad, was horrid. When a cop is good, "he's getting paid for it". When he makes a mistake, "He's a gaffer, and that goes for the rest of them too". When he shoots a stick-up man he's a hero, except when the stick-up man is "only a kid, and anyone could have seen that".
Lots of them have homes, some of them covered with ivy, but most of them covered with mortgages. If he drives a big car, he's a chiseler, a little car, "who's he kidding ?". His credit is good; this is very helpful because his salary isn't. Cops raise lots of kids. Most of them belong to other people.
A cop sees more misery, bloodshed. trouble, and sunrises than the average person. Like the postman, cops must be out in all kinds of weather. His uniforms change with the climate, but his outlook on life remains about the same; mostly blank, but hoping for a better world.
Cops like days off, vacations and coffee. they don't like auto horns, family fights, and anonymous letter writers. They have unions, but they can't strike. They must be impartial, courteous, and always remember the slogan "At Your Service". This is sometimes hard, especially when a character reminds him, "I'm a taxpayer, I pay your salary!"
Cops get medals for saving lives, stopping runaway horses, and shooting it out with the bandits (once in a while his widow gets the medal). But sometimes, the most rewarding moments come when, after some small kindness to an older person, he feels the warm hand clasp, looks into grateful eyes and hears
Just Reward
He hoped his shoes were shining, Just a brightly as his brass
"Step forward now, police officer - how shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To your Maker, have you been true?"
The police officer, with squared shoulders, said "No Sir, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry badges can't always be a saint.
I've worked most Sundays and at times my talk was rough,
and sometimes I've been violent, because the streets are tough.
But I never took a penny, that wasn't mine to keep.
Though I worked a lot of overtime when the bills got too steep.
And I never passed by a cry for help though at times I shook with fear,
and sometimes, please forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know that I don't deserve a place among the people here.
They never wanted me around except to calm their fears.
But if you have a place among the people here, well....it need not be too grand.
I never expected or had too much so if you don't....I'll understand."
There was silence all around the room where the saints respectfully stood.
As the police officer waited quitely, for the judgement....bad or good.
"Step forward now, police officer, you've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in hell.'
Somebody Killed A Policeman
and a part of Americe died.
A piece of our country that he swore to protect
will be burried at his side.
The suspect who shot him will stand up in court
with counsel demanding his rights,
While a young widowed mother must work for her kids
and spend many long lonely nights.
The beat that he walked was a battlefield too,
just as if he had gone off to war.
Though the flag of our nation won't fly at half mast,
to his name they will add a gold star.
Yes, somebody killed a policeman today,
it happened in your town our mine.
While we slept in comfort behind locked doors,
A cop put his life on the line.
Now a ghost walks a beat on a dark city street,
And he stands at each rookie's side.
He answered the call, and he gave us his all
And a part of America died.
Author Unknown
For My Wife
Not everyone can be a police officer's wife.
It takes a special kind of person. Thank you
for helping me to find that very special
person for my life.
Please watch over her today, and
give her an extra amount of blessings.
There's a lot of times that I take
her for granted. Please forgive me.
Help her in everything she has to do today.
Amen