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Hi Chuck- You wrote asking for advice on step parenting. I
don't know if I really have much to offer, but here goes. For me the most difficult thing is loving him as my own and having to share him with his mother and stepfather. The lifestyles at our two households are quite different and thus accepted/forbidden behaviors are different. I try to be fair and not say anything that would give him the idea that I think his other parents are jerks- but I get so frustrated sometimes. That is when I try to let him know that I love him and I know it is not the easiest situation for him to have 2 almost completely different sets of rules. I really have some expectations for him that I think would be much more realistic if he lived with us all the time, so I'm trying to chill out and come up with some possible compromises. I do have some advice for you- I heard this on a self-help tape about stepparrenting:
One thing I think we have been good about, is being flexible about switching weekends and being there for my step son at school events, and working things out so he could be on a couple of sports teams and in the boyscouts. These are sometimes a pain in the rear since we live about an hour and a half from his mom and all of these activities. But it is worth it so that he can do these things that his friends are doing. Thanks for the opportunity to share the stepmom's point of view. I think your web-page will be helpful to many people. Marcia |
Dear Chuck, Congratulations for taking your hurt and frustration and turning it into something positive! My husband and I have now been together for 10 yrs. His x-wife moved 1,200 miles away shortly after the divorce. The heartache I have seen him go through can't be put into words. We have only 6 wks of visitation during the summer and go through hell the rest of the time trying to keep in touch with them. I have several things to say that I think the readers of this site could benefit from.
Keep up the great work, by the year 2000 there will be more step-families than non stepfamilies. You are providing a huge service and means of support for all these Divorced Dads.
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