Divorced Dads -= My Story Part 2 =-

Divorced Dad's

This, my friends, is what could be called part 2 of My Story. I think it paints a little different picture of how things have evolved for me. And believe me it has been nothing short of evolution.
I am hoping that this story, as with all the others, will connect with you in a way that conveys the understanding that you are not alone.

Remember that. You are not alone.

My Story II

I remember standing in the small two bedroom apartment, holding an eight by ten picture of my son and daughter. The apartment was relatively empty with sparse furniture and blank walls. I think that it was at that moment, when I began to fully realize the complexities of being a divorced parent.

The papers had been signed only a few weeks prior, and emotions were still running on high. Life was, to say the least, a roller coaster. I missed my children terribly, as I began to adjust to the role of a non-custodial parent. There were so many questions, and concerns. I was afraid that the relationship with my children would suffer, and fall to the wayside. I was unsure how I would answer the questions of, ‘why’ and ‘when are you coming back.’ Above all else, was the feeling of guilt; heavy and unforgiving.

A few years have passed since that initial day of understanding, and I am pleased to note that those feeling’s have passed as well. They are not forgotten. I think that it is important to remember them, but they have passed.

Divorce has not changed the core fathering instincts, that I believe every father possesses. The feelings that are packaged with that of unconditional love. The need to protect your children from danger and misdirection, and the desire to guide, and support. What have changed are the meanings of Quality, Communication, and Memories. Those words now appear in bold, capital letters.

Quality has become a necessity. I spend every other weekend with my children, and it truly is quality time. Whether we are camped out on the couch, watching the latest family movie or if Hannah and I are rolling a ball back and forth in the front yard, as Zachary rides his bike up and down the sidewalk, it is quality time. We are all involved in each others lives and actions, to the point where the scars of divorce become unnoticeable.

In a perfect world, communication would be the keystone in everyone’s lives. Since the divorce it has become the keystone in ours. I’m not referring to just spoken communication, but also to the way we have learned to communicate through eye contact, or a simple embrace. Our words and actions carry so much more weight now, and the emphasis behind them is tenfold.

Memories are made on a daily basis. A walk to the corner store or the drive home from work, can produce memories; however, many of them do not reach the status of becoming a lasting memory. The kind of memory that is looked upon with fondness, or that causes you to shake your head as you remember a particularly embarrassing moment. Without any effort, our weekends are filled with memories. The times we spent fishing, and Zachary finding the courage to hold a bass that he caught, or when Hannah realized that her small hands could fit inside Zachary’s baseball glove and she immediately ran off in search of a ball. These are lasting memories, and they are precious.

Divorce has changed our lives, but we have learned to adapt and will continue to do so. I no longer harbor the feelings of fear and uncertainty. I have learned that divorce does not mean the end of good parenting, and with an open mind and the ability to invite change, our memories will continue to grow.