Divorced Dad's

Tough Times, we all have them. I found though that they reach a whole new arena of tough after a divorce.
There are several things that can be done to try and ease the rough moments, and below you will find only a few of them. If you have any ideas for additional tips, lessons, what have you, that should belong here, then feel free to pass them along and I will consider them for this page. Email me

You have to keep it open

This is always the most difficult part of getting used to the divorce. Children are going to have questions. They are going to wonder why. I know that the initial feeling is one that wants you to protect your kids and make everything seem as unchanged as possible. The truth is that it isn't the same and your kids know it. When you are asked why, it is important to be truthful. That does not mean that you get into the nasty details of an affair, especially if the children are too young to understand it. It does mean that your feelings toward their mother have changed and how you now feel is what should be expressed. My children are still very young and I will tell them that I still care for their mother, but that I care for her in a different way. ie, friend, family.

Sometimes they cry

It does happen and when it does it will hurt. I can remember several times taking the kids back to their mothers home and they cried because they didn't want to leave. You need to find out why they are upset. It may seem obvious to you but they could be upset for many different reasons. Maybe they want you and their mother back together, maybe they hate the idea of the divorce and are crying out of anger. Maybe they feel like you don't love them anymore. It is important to find out why. You will need to ask. The answers might hurt but you cannot ease their fears without finding out what they are.
Here are a few suggestions that may help.

Let the children know that you're busy. Make sure they understand that you are not sad and depressed, so they don't worry about you.

Tell them you will see them at a certain time so that they have a time to look forward to seeing you again.

Tell them that you will call them, and do it. Don't let them down. They need to know that you are still an active part of their life.

Let the children take something back with them. It could be only a piece of candy or gum. Maybe a magazine that you both looked at. It will help to make the transition easier. It will also let them know that you're not going anywhere.

Reassure them

I can't honestly say that I have dealt with this particular cicumstance yet; however, I know some dads that have.
It is frightening for me to think that there are some children, wandering around out there, that believe the split up of their parents is their fault. This is troublesome because the weight of divorce is hard enough without having to claim responsibility for it, especially if you are a child.
When and if this situation arises you need to adamantly reassure your children that they are at no fault. If you notice behavioral changes it may be worth your while to ask the child if they are feeling at fault.
Again, you can't ease your childs fears without knowing what they are.
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