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Q: Mama, would
you rather fall off a cliff or be eaten by a tiger? A: I answered "Neither", but the correct answer turned out to be "Fall off a cliff". |
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Q: Mama, what's
the highest number you can think of? A: Oh, I don't know, 53? |
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Q: Mama, how old was I one second after I was born? A: One second. Q: No, I mean was I one year or one month, or what? A: You were one second. Q: No, I mean really. A: You were really one second old. Q: No, I mean really. A: (At this point, I always give up.) |
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Q: Mama, if a shark and a cheetah got into a fight, which one
would win? A: The trick to answering this type of question is to know which animal Gabriel is rooting for, and pick that one. The correct answer here is "Cheetah". |
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Q: Mama, Papa, that lady who could shoot really well, even when she was a kid, was she real? A: You mean Annie Oakley? Yes, she was real. Q: How about Pecos Bill? Was he real? A: No, he wasn't real. Q: Well, if Pecos Bill and Annie Oakley had a contest, which one would win? A: (Technically, the "right" answer here was Pecos Bill, since that's who Gabriel was rooting for, but neither Gabriel's father nor I could bring ourselves to choose a fictional male over a female who actually lived, so we did not allow Pecos Bill to win this one. It's okay with me if he beats Batman, though.) |
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Q: Mama, Heather's always bugging me. She's always looking at me, and smiling at me, and she's always wanting to sit next to me. Why does she do that, Mama? A: Well, sweetie, I think she does that because she likes you. Q: Well, that's a stupid way to show it. |
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Q: Mama, you know what I think would be the worst wish of all? A: No, what?. Q: To live forever.You know why? A. No, why? Q: Because when the sun explodes, you'd be floating around in space in a lot of pain. Your brains and your guts and your germs would all be floating around in space in terrible pain. A: Oh. Well, maybe you could wish to live just until the sun explodes. Q: I think I should wish to live just until a week before the sun explodes. Then they'll still have time to have my funeral. A: Oh. Good idea. |
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T: A few months ago I noticed that my tampax has a URL. I like my brand of tampax, and I'm happy they exist, but I can't imagine why I would ever want to go to their web site. I already know how to use them, and I just don't feel a need to read more about them, or visit a Tampax Chat Room. |
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T: A while back a form letter came to our house from the Psychic Friends Network, addressed to my father, who died in 1995. My father's Special Psychic Friend knows something really important about him, and he needs to call right away to find out what it is. Aside from the obvious problem here (that my deceased father's Special Psychic Friend is maybe not quite psychic enough), I've been having trouble thinking of anything more small-scale sleazy and pathetic than a mass-mailing form letter from a "Psychic", and I guess it's even more pathetic that some people who get this letter will actually call in. (They did send a nice autographed photograph of Dionne Warwick, though.) |
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T: There's a commercial on TV right now from one of the long-distance companies trying to get us to buy pagers from them. "Look! With our pagers, you'll even be able to get paged on the beach!" As someone who has had to carry a pager for work for years, I find it hard to see why this is a selling point. I'd be a lot more likely to buy one if they said, "Look! Our pagers never beep!" |
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T: More about psychics: I was watching a TV commercial for one of those 900-number Psychic lines, and it struck me that on the commercial everyone who calls the psychics finds out that they're going to have good luck. Their boyfriends are going to propose, or they're going to get the job they want. No-one ever finds out that they're about to get dumped, or that their cat's going to get run over. Maybe these aren't really Psychic Networks, but Good Luck Networks, and the very act of calling them brings you good luck. Or else, maybe the entire universe is one enormous Psychic Friend, and doesn't even allow you to call unless you're someone destined for good luck. It's got to be one of those, since the only other explanation would be that they just make it all up. |
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