Concerns about the Ezzos' Preparation for Parenting Class

Steven R. Rein and Kateri Allison Rein,

This HTML document is essentially a letter to an elder at St. Giles Presbyterian Church in Richmond, Virginia about our experience in the Preparation for Parenting class we took.

To close out this WWW introduction to the letter, we say to all those reading don't trust our interpretation of Growing Families International's materials and don't trust GFI but pray for discernment while looking through the evidence and weighing the issues.

Below is a brief table of contents:

• The Letter
• Concern 1 - Intolerance
• Concern 2 - Misinterpretation and Misrepresentation
• Concern 3 - Biological and Historical Innacuracy
• Concern 4 - Cultural Blindness
• Conclusion
• References
• Comments Anyone? - A HyperNews Discussion Spot

Dear Elder, 

Although we know that St. Giles is not currently considering using the Preparation for Parenting materials as part of the curriculum for any class, the fact that Focus on the Family (Dr. James Dobson's organization) says ``we do not recommend this material to our constituents'':

• ``In the first place, it seems to us that their philosophy of childrearing is far too rigid.''
• ``the Ezzos' misuse of biblical texts is, in our view, a second cause for serious concern''
• ``the authors' proposals regarding controlled feeding schedules for infants are highly controversial''

the fact that Grace Community Church (where the Preparation for Parenting materials were originally developed) doesn't allow these materials to be taught anymore, and has even gone so far as to issue a public rebuke of Ezzo (along the lines of I Timothy 5:19-20), the recent World Magazine article and the resulting fallout as well as other documents available via the World Wide Web, including ``Growing Criticism'' by Randy Frame and ``The Brave New Baby'' by Thomas S. Giles from Christianity Today magazine, ``Wise Advice for Babies?'' by Eric Patterson, from Boulder Weekly and ``In God's Hands'' by Kelly Griffith from the Bradenton Herald (see Section 6) have convinced us that perhaps St. Giles should not use any materials prepared by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo or their organization, Growing Families International. A summary of "Big" churches and organizations who do not stand with Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo can be found at in a Christian Parenting e-mail discussion group posting.

We have been hesitant to write this letter because we have also been concerned about offending those at St. Giles who may, like the Ezzos (and ourselves, we might add) feel that contemporary society is woefully lacking in loving discipline. When looking around at parents and children in our society (and even, sad to say, our churches), it is clear that many parents these days are not following Ephesians 6:4 ``Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.'' (RSV). It seems like many parents are self-centered, often neglecting the love and discipline their children need. However, because God calls us to ``Test everything. Hold on to the good.'' (I Thes 5:21) we feel called to bring our concerns before the Church. Needless to say, this has not been an easy letter to write.

We have only taken one of the Ezzos' courses, in particular, Preparation for Parenting (PFP). We were excited to take a course written for Christians as we were new parents and seeking to be all that God wants us to be as parents. But when we attended the class it appeared that the Bible was being used to justify the Ezzos' idea of parenting. We have not taken the Ezzos' other courses (``Growing Kids God's Way'', ``Preparation for the Toddler Years'', ``Reaching the Heart of Your Teen'', ``Reflections of Moral Innocence'' and ``On Becoming Babywise I or II '') and so, cannot speak to the quality of the materials in them. Even so, although we may agree with the Ezzos about many of the problems of contemporary American parenting styles and many of the solutions, we recommend against the use of any of their materials because in addition to misinterpreting Scripture to justify their own beliefs, they are offering advice that is medically unsound and their presentation of their parenting method promotes intolerance and divisiveness.

Below we attempt to outline some of our concerns with the Preparation for Parenting (PFP) course that we took in early 1995 at Immanuel Baptist Church in Richmond, Virginia.

Our concerns with the PFP curriculum tend to lie in four basic areas:

• Concern 1 - Intolerance For example ``this method is God's way''
• Concern 2 - Misinterpretation and Misrepresentation
• Concern 3 - Biological and Historical Innacuracy On such issues as lactation and sleep
• Concern 4 - Cultural Blindness On such issues as family beds, the use of playpens and slings

A summary of our concerns could be briefly stated as The impression one gets from the Ezzos' PFP course is that the Ezzos claim to know how Jesus wants you to parent your infant and that if you do not follow their method, your child won't develop physically or spiritually in the way that God wants. While we agree that God wants us to look to Scripture to help us parent wisely, we disagree with the Ezzos on what they consider the key elements of their method. Infant schedules and playpens are just fine. Saying they are what God wants all parents to do is not. If what the Ezzos teach is the truth, we should be able to find a less controversial source for teaching materials (for example, Josh McDowell, Tim Kimmel and Rev. Tedd Tripp have all produced highly praised teaching resources that cover some of the same issues as the GFI's materials).

We apologize for the length of this letter. There is much to say about the Ezzos and their methods. Please share this letter with the Christian Education Committee, the pastoral staff and anyone you think may be interested.

We will also provide some references for those wishing to do some further research on the World Wide Web.