MR DELI'S DULL WEBSITE

[The Deli Guy]

While some folks are exciting,
like M&M Peanut,
just call me...
Mr. M&M Plain!
Why?
Because I'm a plain and simple guy [Mr. Exciting]
This is Mr. M&M Peanut.
Expect to see him in a gang
or as a victim of violence.
It's just a matter of time.

I have been wanting to mark my territory on the world wide web for quite a while. There are several reasons why I haven't done it until now. First of all, I am really a simple guy. I wouldn't even know how to start a web page. My spelling is the worst, and I have the patience of a 2 year old waiting for lunch. Then there was the problem of having a topic. As it turns out, after a lot of hard thinking, it seems as though I don't have any hobbies or interests, friends, skills or anything else to share with the world. I am just a plain and simple guy. As a matter of fact, my wife is doing this page for me right now. I really wanted to do it myself, but like I said...no talent or know how. So why am I so contented? Hmmm...

Yes, this is me
Mr. M&M Plain. You can contact me
for some down home
dull and simple conversation
if you're up to it.
The Deli Guy
I'm such a groovy, never say die kinda hippie, living in the simple past.

Ooh, that fallout makes me sooooo crazy...I tell you!!!
[toke]
Sometimes I just have to smoke a reefer to mellow out

[POTLINE]

[Jeff's *F* Deli]

And so I bury my head in my pickle platters. I will have a tutorial for creating beautiful platters on this official Deli Site real soon. Here is my famous Fruit Platter:

Preparing deli is the ultimate escape from the threats of the modern world...bombings, shoot bys, rapes, carjackings, threats from the looney Hussein. It takes a real hero to get up, get dressed, and hop off to work each day when you know that your chances of returning home in one piece is minimal. So I really enjoy my work. Drive straight there, get in and do my work!!! Love it!!! Then come right back home. We usually stay indoors. We make love not war...so we like to stay in and avoid the war outside. MMMM...nothing like the smell of that sandelwood incense to take you right back

These here Damned Happy Radioactive M&M's Gonna Cause the End of the World!

Damn!!! They killed the bugs! Died of cancerous tumors!!!

SO!!!
(Back To Me...)
Just how does a person get so dull?

Well, I think it was all because of my upbringing, or lack of it. I was an ignored and abused little redneck kid. Have a sister and a couple of brothers. We are all pretty much losers. My sister is doing really well. Girls seem to come through traumas a lot better than guys. What is that? Well, I'm really happy for her, really. She's married, works, has a house, pet...you know...she's plain and dull too. I guess we're actually a lot alike. I'm doing really well myself. Well, you might not think so, but for me, I'm amazed. I was a big drug abuser all my life, just like everyone else in my family. One day I marched myself into a rehab where my brother had been 'programmed'. In no time at all I was a brain washed 12-stepper with a whole new life. Instead of using drugs, we all just reminisced about them on a daily basis as we negatively self- validated publicly at our cult gatherings. I somehow fell in love with a bingo player where I was volunteering my time and we got married. She could not tolerate all the 'program' stuff. We almost got divorced over it. I finally came to my senses and gave it up for the real world. What a lonely and boring place it is without drugs. My wife agrees, but we really don't want to be enslaved by drugs. We just quit smoking too. What a couple of losers. We can't really handle this. Bored, neurotic and fat. All that's left is the coffee I sneak since I gave up caffeine a couple of years ago too. This sucks!!!

[Yenta kvetch waitress] I have a really lousy job that I love.

I'm a deli and delivery guy. I work real hard and enjoy it. What can I say? When you're a plain and simple kind of guy, just about anything seems like fun if it's easy. And I really like to get tips. Actually, we'd probably be homeless if I didn't get the tips. One day I hope to be a deli expert and make more money. I make a killer pickle platter, after all I've had lots of practice. I suppose if anyone is interested in deli work, then I'm a pretty interesting guy. I wake up bright and early, shower, and take off to work. Never missed a day in 3 years. I never call in sick, even if I am. Love to go to work! And hey...they count on me to show up. I'm the employee of your dreams if you're a boss. I'm honest too. My wife thinks I'm disgusting. The worst thing I would ever do that's dishonest is sneak out a food order mistake...and believe me, I don't do it very often. After all, I'm working for a deli that will never again allow me to spend another thanksgiving or New Year's with my family. Nope...no overtime for holidays! A turkey for Thanksgiving? Nope! How about a little bonus at Christmas. What? Are you crazy!!! These people are millionaires you know, and by golly, part of my job is to make sure they stay that way! That's why I'll never get fired. I have the RIGHT attitude for a lowly underpaid worker. I'm happy and I never complain or ask for more. As a matter of fact, I go out of my way to offer more and do favors. How did they ever get so lucky to have me? And this is all because I am a plain simple guy. And I thought there was nothing special about me. No self-respecting person would put up with this shit...oops, did I give myself away? Well, I'm trying to learn a little self respect. I really deserve to have a lot of it. I mean, wow! I have so much patience and tolerance. I'm really a pretty swell guy!!!

50's Chevys
Cruise on through

Oh Yes!

Dull and Simple Folks have been here

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