Marriage, Infidelity and the Internet

The Devil Made Me Do It!

BULLSHIT!!

Your lack of morals and lack of commitment
would be more like it!!

MARRIAGE: The legal union of two people and in a
true marriage the union of two minds.

INFIDELITY: Lack of fidelity or loyalty; unfaithfulness;
a disloyal act; adultery.

ADULTERATE: To make impure.

As you can see from the definition of infidelity you do not have to go to bed with someone to be unfaithful. There are way too many married people out there acting single and not seeing anything wrong with their behavior. Sorry, you're either married or you're not!

Before I go any further I want say one thing. I am married to a beautiful and wonderful woman and I would not trade her for any woman on earth, I Love her dearly, she is my life!

I went on line about three years ago and almost immediately I started visiting the chatrooms. It did not take me long to get caught up in the all to norm behavior of the chatrooms. Although I never went to the point of having "cybersex" I did do myself and wife wrong by engaging in conversations with members of the opposite sex that were totally inappropriate. I have not and will not try to justify my behavior, improper behavior can not be justified. I have acknowledged my behavior and have apologized to my wife and have vowed to clean up my act.

We all err, we all make mistakes, and there is not a person alive that does not give in to temptation. Life and marriage is not about being perfect, perfection does not exist. It is, however, about learning from our mistakes and being able to be strong enough to admit that we erred, to correct our behavior and most importantly, being able to say "I'm Sorry"

There is nothing wrong with a married person being flattered when he or she is complimented or flirted with by a member of the opposite sex. It's how we react to the compliments and the flirtation that is important. There are different ways of saying "NO", if you are having to say "NO" to someone over and over, you are not saying no in the right way. You are also probably guilt of putting yourself in situations of having to saying "NO". Maybe you're allowing yourself to be alone with this individual more than you should. Maybe you're enjoying the game a bit too much!!. When you commit to a relationship there is a certain behavior that should accompany that commitment, and unless you're a real dummy you know what that behavior should be. There are ways of saying "NO" where you can walk away with your head held high and your admirer can walk away with his or her feelings intact, and if handled properly, you will not have to say "NO" again. My wife once told me that a person can tell when someone is interested, and I totally agree. If you as a married person sees that someone is interested, especially if he or she has let their interest be known, and you do not do everything in your power to discourage this person, then you might as well be encouraging him or her. There is a limit to the amount of flirtation and advances you as a married person should allow before being guilty of encouraging your admirer. An admirer should never be allowed to get to the point where he or she is totally comfortable in discussing his or her feelings for you. If they do, you are guilt of wanting and maybe enjoying the attention a bit too much.

According to an article I read a while back, the computer and the workplace is where the majority of extramarital affairs get started today. Before the computer if a member of the opposite sex asked you for your phone number, you would think hard before giving it out. People don't think twice about giving out their email. Also, people are a lot more bold on the internet than they would be in a letter sent by mail. The office is another place where many let their guard down. Remember that you are supposed to be a professional. You as a married person and a professional should not socialize with a co-worker of the opposite sex (you know what I mean by socializing). If you do, you are more than likey going to get something started wheather you know it or not. This is how many office romances get started. I said earlier that too many married people act single, this is especially true at workplace. Just remember that you are married so act accordingly. If you find it Neccessary to socialize with a member of the opposite sex, out of respect for your marriage and your spouse, ALWAYS let your spouse know first. Do not justify inapproprite behavior in the name of friendship. I can truthfully say that I have Never gone out and socialized with anyone without my wifes Prior knowledge and prior approval.

I said earlier that we all make mistakes and that none of us are above temptation. A moment of indiscreation is to be human, repeated moments of indiscreation makes a person a low-life cheat!!!

I have news for all you so called christians. Going to church and saying forgive me Father for I have sinned, is NOT enough. God will forgive you only and only when you make things right with him. You must repent, you must undo your wrong as much as possible. If you steal from someone, you return what you have stolen and you say I am sorry!! If you adulterate your marriage you confess your betrayal to your spouse. He cannot forgive your sin, only God can do that, but now you have done what you MUST to make things right with God. Your sin will not be forgiven until then. Read your bible. If a simple "forgive me father for I have sinned" was/is all thats required, everyone would make it to heaven. Sorry, God made possible for all us to make up there but he didn't make it that easy!! You can believe what you want, but that won't change whats reqired to make it passed St Peter. Adultery is sometimes refered to as the "Unforgivable Sin", I wonder why. Maybe because you people out there with no backbone will not face your spouse as you should.

If you do not Love your spouse enough to remain faithful at least have enough respect for him or her NOT to do the following:

1. Do not come home to your spouse and say "I Love You" after being with someone else. What a lie!!

2. Do not take your spouse to a social event where your lover or ex-lover will be. Talk about being a low life!

3. Do not go to bed with your lover wearing the ring that symbolizes the Love that was once there between you and your spouse! You took an oath before God when you accepted that ring from your spouse, so how about a little respect, if not for yourself for your better half.

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. There is a difference between being human and being a low-life.

The question now is, should we confess our adultry/infidelity to our spouse. I say yes! When the subject of marriage came up you BOTH had a choice. It was a mutual decision to get married. Now if you commit adultry and you do not confess to him or her YOU are taking away his or her choice as to wheather or not he or she wants to continue in an adulterated marriage. You have now enslaved your spouse to a marriage with your lies, talk about being a low life. We all have but One life, and for anyone of us to make a lie out of someone elses life and marriage is about as low as one can get.

If you want someone else, LEAVE your spouse first. If its a one time moment of indiscretion, confess, and say "I am sorry". It is his or her choice (not yours) as to wheather or not he or she wants to continue in the marriage. Not telling to save the marriage is Bullshit, that's not a saved marriage it's an enslaved marriage. Grow a backbone!!!!!!

My advice for all of you that are on-line and who really do care about your marriage, Keep it clean. No secret email accounts and no sneaking around on the computer, at home or at work. Have a little respect for yourself and for your spouse. If most people would put as much effort into their marriage as they do with their friendships, the divorce lawyers would not be so busy.

How many of you put as much into your marriage today as you did before the honeymoon ended? How many of you still do all the little things for your spouse that you did in the beginning? Just because the honeymoon ended it does not mean that caring and the sweetness has to!!!

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