This is going to be the toughest page that I do. But, it is one that I need to do. My hope is that you see past my "telling all" to the part where the healing begins. I wouldn't even attempt this but I am a firm believer that we need to TALK and TALK about these things.

To start it out very honestly, I grew up a an extremely abusive home. I know that is beginning to sound like the same old song playing again but that is only because everyone is starting to stop being ashamed and starting to talk. I am not a young girl "crying" over a few times that I didn't get my way. I am a mother of two and a grandmother of one. Abuse was happening in the 50's, just not being talked about.

I was raised by my grandparents along with my two brothers. My parents were too young and irresponsible to care for three children. My mother was 18 when my youngest brother was born. I'm the oldest, she was 15 when I was born. My father's parents took us kids right after my parents divorced. I still wonder why.

Without going into detail, I will just say that I was sexually abused by my grandfather from age 3 (yes...3) until I ran away at 15. One of my brothers was physically abused by both grandparents until he ran away at 14. The pain and confusion of children in these situations have to be lived to believe. It has had long lasting effects on both our lives. Children that are treated so poorly do not learn how to behave or love properly.

We grew up accepting this as normal and as adults we found that we searched for the same "comfortable" situations. It was all we knew. My brother, whom I love with all my heart, has carved out paths for himself that no one should have to live. I understand that. Most people just look at him as wasting his life, ruining it with drugs and alcohol. I see it as him never having had a choice. Myself, I grew up to find that "the man of my dreams" was someone who abused his wife. I accepted this for 20 years. After all, it was normal.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have decided that it is not normal and it is not to be accepted. I now live without abuse for the first time. I feel safe...finally. But I have paid horrible prices along the way.

The good thing is that I have learned a lot along the way, too. Too many lessons to list here. But the most important thing I have learned is how to speak out about the abuse of children and women. I don't lead marches or shout it from rooftops, but I do talk about it and listen and try to comfort when others talk about it.

Please, as you read this think about someone that might be in this situation. That someone might even be you. If you or someone you know needs help there are so many places to get it now. These weren't available when I needed them. It could have changed my life.

Below I have listed some links to places on the net that might point you in the right direction. Please follow them until you find the right one. The answer is out there. It is just different for every person.

It is difficult to take that first step. I remember. It has only been a few years for me. But once you find that "safe" feeling in your life, you will know that it was worth it. I know. I have placed my email link on this page in the hopes that someone will use it. I will listen, I will understand and I will help you find what you need to get the strength.

ABUSED?

You have the right....

1. To be SAFE.
2. To be treated with RESPECT.
3. To be human - NOT PERFECT.
4. To LOVE and be LOVED.
5. To be YOU.
6. To make MISTAKES.
7. To ask QUESTIONS.
8. To say NO.
9. To make decisions that affect YOU.
10. To GROW and CHANGE.
11. To have OPINIONS and express those opinions.
12. NOT to be responsible for other adult's problems.
13. NOT to be liked by everyone.
14. To your own PRIVACY.
15. To be ANGRY and PROTEST.
16. To EARN and CONTROL your own money.

ABA Commission on Domestic Violence
Child Abuse Prevention Network

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin Into its nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
~~Emily Dickinson~~

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