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This is going to be the toughest page that I do. But, it is one that
I need to do. My hope is that you see past my "telling all" to the part
where the healing begins. I wouldn't even attempt this but I am a firm believer
that we need to TALK and TALK about these things.
To start it out very honestly, I grew up a an extremely abusive home.
I know that is beginning to sound like the same old song playing again but that
is only because everyone is starting to stop being ashamed and starting to talk.
I am not a young girl "crying" over a few times that I didn't get my way. I am
a mother of two and a grandmother of one. Abuse was happening in the 50's, just
not being talked about.
I was raised by my grandparents along with my two brothers. My parents were too
young and irresponsible to care for three children. My mother was 18 when my
youngest brother was born. I'm the oldest, she was 15 when I was born. My father's parents
took us kids right after my parents divorced. I still wonder why.
Without going into detail, I will just say that I was sexually abused by my grandfather
from age 3 (yes...3) until I ran away at 15. One of my brothers was physically abused
by both grandparents until he ran away at 14. The pain and confusion of children in these
situations have to be lived to believe. It has had long lasting effects on both our lives.
Children that are treated so poorly do not learn how to behave or love properly.
We grew up accepting this as normal and as adults we found that we searched for the same
"comfortable" situations. It was all we knew. My brother, whom I love with all my heart, has
carved out paths for himself that no one should have to live. I understand that. Most people
just look at him as wasting his life, ruining it with drugs and alcohol. I see it as him never
having had a choice. Myself, I grew up to find that "the man of my dreams" was someone who abused
his wife. I accepted this for 20 years. After all, it was normal.
I am one of the lucky ones. I have decided that it is not normal and it is not to be accepted.
I now live without abuse for the first time. I feel safe...finally. But I have paid horrible prices
along the way.
The good thing is that I have learned a lot along the way, too. Too many lessons to list here. But the
most important thing I have learned is how to speak out about the abuse of
children and women. I don't lead marches or shout it from rooftops, but I do talk about it and
listen and try to comfort when others talk about it.
Please, as you read this think about someone that might be in this situation. That someone might even
be you. If you or someone you know needs help there are so many places to get it now. These weren't available
when I needed them. It could have changed my life.
Below I have listed some links to places on the net that might point you in the right direction. Please follow
them until you find the right one. The answer is out there. It is just different for every person.
It is difficult to take that first step. I remember. It has only been
a few years for me. But once you find that "safe" feeling in your life, you will know that it was worth it. I know.
I have placed my email link on this page in the hopes that someone will use it. I will listen, I will understand and I will help
you find what you need to get the strength.
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You have the right....
1. To be SAFE.
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If I can stop one heart from breaking,
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