1.  You think of Philadelphia as the midwest.
 2.  You think it's your God-given right to cut
     someone off in  traffic.
 3.  You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet
     (no R's).
 4.  You think three straight days of 90+
     temperatures is a heat wave.
 5.  All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.
6.  You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
 7.  Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an
     angry mood.
 8.  You don't think you have an attitude.
 9.  You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns
     green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
 10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
 11. When out of town, you think the natives of the
     area are all whacked.
 12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from
     game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
 13. You have no idea what the word compromise
     means.
 14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of
     weakness.

 15. You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as
     fast as everyone else.
 16. You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic & stubborn.
 17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must
     want something, or  are from out of town.
 18. Your favorite adjective is "wicked."
 19. You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.
 20. You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.
 
 

 If you're from Boston:

 1. You'll know who the cahdnal is, how to take the T
    to JP and what  the  blinking red light atop the old
    Hancock Building means in the summer (in winter it
    means snow is due).
 2. If you're smaht, you'll never get cahded at the
    packie (liquor,or packagestore).
 3. You only eat italian sausage outside Fenway
    Pahk before a Sox game with mustid,
    peppahs-n-onions.
 
 
 

 When we say / We mean....

      bizah = odd
      flahwiz = roses, etc.
      hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour
      Hahwahya? = How are you?
      khakis = what we staht the cah with
      pissah = superb
      retahded = silly
      shoowah = of course
      wikkid = extremely
      yiz = you, plural
      pupcahn = popular snack
 
 

 How we'll know you weren't bon heah:

      You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.
      You cross at a crosswalk.
      You ask directions to "Cheers."
      You order a grinder and a soda.
      You follow soccer.
      You eat at Durgin Park.
      You pronounce it "Worchester" or "Glouchester".
      You call it "COPEly" Square.
 

 Getting around:

 Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths
 and 19th-century landfill penned in by water.  You
 know, "One if by land, two if by sea."

 Which Warren Street do you want?
 We have three Warren Avenues,  three  Warren
 Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place. Pay
 no attention to the street names.

 There's no school on School Street, no court on
 Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water
 on Water Street.  Back Bay streets are in
 alphabetical odda.  Arlington, Berkeley,
 Clarendon, Dartmouth.  So are South Boston
 streets: A, B, C, D.

 If the streets are named after trees (Walnut,
 Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill. If they're
 named after poets, you're in Wellesley.

 All avenues are properly referenced by their
 nicknames: Comm Ave,  Mass Ave, Dot Ave.
 Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is
 Jamaica Plain.
 Readville doesn't exist.

 The North-East-South-West thing:
 Southie is South Boston.  The South End is the
 South End. Eastie is East Boston. The North End is
 east of the West End. The West End  and Scollay
 Square are no more - a guy named Rappaport got
 rid of them one  night.
 
 

 Definitions:

      Boston cream pie is a cake.
      Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.
      Chowdah does not contain tomatoes.
      If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. Soda is club
      soda. Pop is Dad.
      When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonic
      WATER.
      The smallest beer is a pint.
      Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
      If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.
      It's not a water fountain, it's a bubblah.
      It's not a trash can, it's a barrel.
      It's not a shopping cart, it's a carriage.
      It's not a purse, it's a pockabook.
      Brown bread comes in a can. You open both
      ends, push it out, heat it  and eat it with baked
      beans.
      They're not franks, they're haht dahgs. Franks are
      money in France.
 
 
 
 

 Things not to do:

      Don't call it Beantown.
      Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it
         to Meffa (Medford)  or Slumaville (Sommerville).
      Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill
       Weld tells you.
      Don't sleep in the Common.
      Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day
      (you may be killed).
      Don't call the mayah "Mumbles." He hates that,
        and will tell you not  to be an 'alcatraz around his
        neck'.
 
 

 Things you should know:

      There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two
      courthouses, two
      Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
      There's also a Boston Latin School and a Boston
      Latin Academy.
      Both are referred to as Boston Latin. How should
      we know which one you mean?
      Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
      It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies if they're losing),
      the Seltz,  the Broons.
     The Harvard Bridge doesn't go to Harvard. It
      goes to MIT. It's  measured in 'smoots', which is the
      length of a certain Computer Science student
      at MIT.
    The underground train is not a subway.  It's the T,
       and it doesn't run  all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't
      Noo Yawk).
 
 

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