Following is a story about a fella who
decided to move from the hot miserable summers of the south and go north..........to
be hot & sweaty no more!!
Dec
8: 6:00 pm--it started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the
wife and I took
our cocktails and sat for hours by the
window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked
like a Grandma
Moses Print. So romantic, we felt like
newlyweds again.
I love snow!
Dec 9: We woke
to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of
the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
bes tidea I've
ever had. Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and
covered up the
sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
hovel
again. What
a perfect life.
Dec 12: The sun
has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor
tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll
never want to
see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is
such
a nice man,
I'm glad he's our neighbor.
Dec 14: Snow,
lovely snow! 8" last night. Teh temp dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away,
but warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
this
is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite
this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.
Dec 15: 20" forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the
wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked
the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
Dec 16: Ice storm
this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting
down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which
I think was very cruel.
Dec 17: Still
way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit
it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
freeziing to
death in my own living room.
Dec 20: Electricity's
back on, but had another 14" of the darn stuff
last night.
More shovelling. Took all day. Dang snowplow
came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. called
the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and
they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I
think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have
it
done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
Dec 22: Bob was
right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of
the white stuff
fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt till
August. Took me 45 min. to get all dressed up to go
out
to shovel and
then I had to pee. By the time I got
undressed, peed
and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who
has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
winter; but
he says he's too busy. I think the so and so is lying.
Dec 23: Only
2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me
to decorate
the front of the house this morning.
What, is she
nuts!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did,
but I think she's lying.
Dec 24: 6". Snow
packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought
I was having
a heart attack. If I ever catch the
s.o.b. who drives
that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his
you-know-whats.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to
finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street at 100 mph and throws snow all
over
where
I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with
here and open
our presents, but I was busy watching for the dang
snowplow.
Dec 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed
in.
The idea of
shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate
the snow! Then
the snoplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over
the head with my shovel. The wife says I
have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's
a
Wonderful Life"
one more time, I'm going to kill her.
Dec 26: STill
snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all
HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.
Dec 27: Temp. dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
Dec 28: Warmed
up to above -25. Still snowed in. THE WENCH is driving
me
crazy!!!
Dec 29: 10 more
inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave in. That's
the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
does he think
I am?
Dec 30: Roof
caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for
the bump on his head. The wife went home to
her mother.
9" predicted.
Dec 31: Set fire to what's left of th house. No more shoveling.
Jan 8: I feel
so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why
am I tied to the bed?
