BATH:  This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

DEAFNESS:  This is a condition which affects dogs when their human parent wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

DOG BED:   It's any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upolstered couch in the living room.

GARBAGE CAN:  It is a container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

THUNDER:  This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

LOVE:  This is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail! If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.