HOUGHTS & HANKS

They were written by a man I have never met ... and in all likelihood ... never will. A man of a Faith other than my own. A man who resides in Florida over a thousand miles away. Were it not for this marvel of technology called the Internet, I would never have come to know ... my friend Harvey.

As it turned out, other than my family, Harvey would become that proverbial "someone there for me", at a time when I most needed just such a friend. Originally we came to know one another through an exchange of email, in November 1997, a short while before my wife's passing.

On a Friday evening January 30th 1998, Arline died in bed next to me suddenly of a massive heart attack ... her second. She was taken to the hospital but this time there would be no miracle, as witnessed after her first attack. Shortly before midnight the doctors told me what I already knew ... life as I had known it for so long, was now a memory.

For me there would be no sleep that night. Instead I felt compelled to leave my bed ... sit at the keyboard ... and begin typing. I wrote the "Gardener Angel" eulogy. The words flowing from my heart to my fingertips effortlessly. When finished I remember thinking, "How is it? ... that a lifetime of love and happiness with this woman, could be summed up, on but a single type written page." But I left it as it was. Shortly thereafter I wrote to my friend Harvey, informing him of my loss.

No reply came back over that weekend. I wasn't quite sure what to think, nor what to expect. After all this man was only a faceless email address. He knew little of my wife beyond her name. Later I would find out, that my wise friend had thought it best, to allow me a day or two alone with my thoughts. He remembered his wanting solitude, immediately after the death of his father.

The following Tuesday morning, the day of Arline's burial, I went on-line once more for no other reason I suppose, than to avoid thinking about the days ordeal ahead. I heard the familiar "You have mail". There were two letters in my mailbox. Both from Harvey. One was titled "Open First". Not a letter really ... but instructions for opening the second. The second letter had no words ... only the "graphic gift" that appears at the top of this page. A gift he created for "Muggsy"... his on-line friend ... making sure with his instructions, it would fill my screen when opened. I'll not try to describe ... but for as long as I live I will never forget, the flood of emotion that filled me when his compassion came into view.

My sons and their wives were pillars of strength for me the day of the funeral and continue as such, even today. But one cannot not expect their children to do it all, and certainly not alone. Aside from their love and support, I was in need of a friend. Harvey more than filled that need.

We wrote to one another constantly during the first year without my wife, which I think most having lost a loved one will agree, is the most difficult. We discussed everything under the sun in those email exchanges. His letters, both humorous and serious on a variety of subjects, kept my spirit up and my mind from dwelling on despair. To his advantage and my benefit, was the fact that my friend is an excellent writer and a wonderful poet, with a sense of humor that had me smiling at the end of each letter. Each exchange left me looking forward to the next. It was to Harvey that I wrote the letter regarding my first Christmas without Arline. Page 6   He is the friend who ... as always, responded with such warm and comforting thoughts. Thanks to the Internet, this man, once a distant unknown stranger ... is now a valued friend.

In July of 1999, nearly a year and a half after Arline's death, I had become adjusted to life without her as well as could be expected. But still, inside me were thoughts left unsaid. Feelings in need of expression. At times the need so frustrating as to be overwhelming. During that time while browsing the Internet, I came upon a site created by a Mother. It would be my introduction to a lovely woman named ... Tonya. Once again the Internet would make distance meaningless and a woman in Louisiana would now have an influence upon my life.

Visiting "Memorial" sites in my abundant spare time, I had found many that were touching. But this Mother's site did more than touch me ... it reached my very core. Can there be anything more tragic than a parent losing a child? Is it not unnatural in the course of events for a Mother or Father to survive a child? Yet ... I gazed at a screen filled with Hope and Faith. Lifting the Spirit with poetry, music and pages to grace the eye and ear. All this at the hands of a Mother who over a decade ago, had lost not one ... but three young children in a single tragic accident.

I left that site with a new and different perspective. I found myself returning to it daily because of the affect it had upon me. Here was I ... blessed with nearly a half century of love and happiness, resenting it's disappearance. While before my eyes, was a Mother offering hope and comfort to those that visited, despite having lost so much so early on.

Her website deeply stirred this grandfather and inspired him to endeavor creating his own. It was a daunting concept for this man in his sixties, who knew little about computers ... much less the building of a website. But with the encouragement of this lovely woman, through email and her inspiring site, he managed to produce what you see today.

Gardener Angel became a "Labor of Love" for me ... the most beneficial therapy perhaps, anyone could have prescribed. Few I'm sure, will ever view this site and fewer still will read these words. Yet, if just one of those very few, benefits from these pages as I did Tonya's ... then how much more worthwhile my "Labor of Love" will have become.

The banner above is a link to my friend's website. A creation that did indeed change ... at least one visitor's life for the better. Should you care to see a testimony to human Spirit and Faith, then I would recommend your paying a visit to my friend ... Tonya.

To my way of thinking, "Helping Others" is a form of comfort. Particularly in my case ... a man suddenly bursting with inspiration, now bent on placing a website on the Internet. A man who was the epitome of "not having a clue".

With that in mind I would like to express my Thanks to the vast number of people on the Web who maintain sites devoted to helping others get started. Asking in return, only that acknowledgement be given to these talented owners and a link provided to their website. A modest request indeed, more than fair, more than reasonable... and in my opinion, the only "right" thing to do. I have made an effort to comply on every page with that simple request. Should anyone viewing my pages find any work of theirs without acknowledgement, please email me and I will correct that unintentional oversight. To "Wendy" ... "Pat" ... "Luminescence", and to the countless other sites I visited looking for assistance ...My Gratitude.

Then there is the comfort in the written word. A comment in a guestbook ... An email to the author of a website. Comfort in knowing you've reached out to someone with some success. Comfort in knowing another enjoyed a moment or two in your company on site, and ...Yes, lets not forget the comfort obtained for no other reason than plain old fashioned pride ... vanity if you will. I confess, like so many ... I am not without an ego. :)

I have received more than a fair share of "Comfort" as a result of these pages. In one instance, a poem left in the middle of the night, that made my day while checking my guestbook routinely one morning. A gift left behind that struck me as so appropriate to the "Gardener Angel", that I asked permission to place the work within my site. Clicking on the "Next" button below will take you to the poem. In yet another instance the graphic above "In Loving Memory of Arline" from a kind woman named Rose. Clicking on her lovely gift will take you to a website created by this woman and her husband in memory of their precious baby daughter Morgan, who's time upon this earth was to be measured not in years ... but hours. A visit to "Morgan's Realm", will I suspect, compel most visitors to hug their own young ones ... just a bit more often ... just a while longer.

There have been other comforting "gifts" sent to me during the time the "Gardener Angel" has been on-line. Too numerous to outline here. If you do nothing else before leaving this site ... click on the "Gifts" link at the bottom of any page. The "Gifts" page displays several examples of the kindness and compassion that can be found on this world wide web of humanity. I would call your attention to a "Gift" from someone named Betty in particular. I'm certain you will not leave the "Gifts" page without feeling a little warmer than when you entered. If I'm wrong ... I apologize for misleading you ... But along with that apology comes the respectful suggestion, that serious consideration be given to a "checkup of the heart."