Tates Compass Company

My Son was going on a camping trip with the Boyscouts and I asked him what kind of compass he had. I told him to look for a name stamped into the compass and to make sure it wasn't a TATES compass. He didn't understand why until I explained about the Tates Compass Company. You see the company used to make compasses for everyone throughout the world. They were on ships and airplanes and even on trains. One day something went wrong at the factory and when they had shipped out 10,000 compasses they realized that the compasses couldn't be trusted, when you were heading north the compass said you were going east, or west. The company went out of business because of this blunder and to this day you can hear them say, " He Who Has A Tates Is Lost ".

Hubble Telescope Repair

One of the problems they had on the shuttle mission to repair the Hubble Space Telescope happened to astronaut Souza, while he was outside the ship working with a spanner wrench. The spanner wrench was attached to his belt by way of a cable so he could let go of the wrench and not lose it. As it turned out when he let go of the wrench and it was floating near him, a tiny chunk of white-dwarf star (super dense), whizzed by him so close that it actually mangled the wrench and he had to go get another one to finish the repair. When he returned to the shuttle he decided to write a song about the episode, he called it ,"The Star Mangled Spanner".

Kicks

There once was a group of people known as the Trids. They lived in a beautiful green valley. High above the valley and just to the North was a mesa. The Trid people were an adventurous lot and from time to time one would attempt to climb to the top of the mesa. They were also very religious and would ask the Rabbi to bless them before the climb. No matter how much they tried, they never succeeded. One day the Rabbi decided to climb up there with a member of his congregation. The Rabbi was nearer the top than his friend and was able to stand atop the mesa as his friend reached the edge. Just as the Trid was starting to stand up, an ogre came running across the mesa and kicked the Trid off. The Rabbi thought he was next but the ogre just looked at him. Somewhat confused the Rabbi asked why he was spared. The ogre replied, "Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids "

Yellow Pages

Once upon a time there was a King who had a beautiful castle where he and his daughter would play all the day. One day when the King was out of town (He was a book salesman for some phone company) an evil Knight came to his castle and stole his daughter away. When the King returned, he gathered all his Knights together at the diningroom table and told them to go get her at first light. All the Knights one by one failed to return. The King called together all his Days and had them try to get his daughter back. Alas, they too failed, but one Day did return and told the King that he would need magic to gain back his daughter, just before the Day grew dark. The King set forth a proclaimation,"Whoever Saves My Daughter Shall Be Granted Untold Wealth". Many tried, many failed.
One day a person who helps out Knights(called a Page) told the King he would try. The King said,"You're just a lowly Page, what can you do?". The Page pulled out a harp and said ,"I got this magic harp ". The next day, the Page started off for the evil Knight's castle and just as he got to the moat and was half way across these huge yellow fingers came up out of the water and were getting ready to squish him when he pulled out his harp and went ,"Plink". The huge yellow fingers froze, allowing the Page to work his way to the castle and rescue the Princess! When the victorious Page returned with the Princess, the King rewarded him handsomely and decided from that day forth, he would let his Pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.

Mighty Mil Famie

This is the story of the baseball player, Milton Famie. The team he was playing for was called the Milwaukee Brewers. The score was 10-2 in favor of the Brewers, top of the 6th inning. Mil Famie had pitched an almost perfect game. When he struck out the third man up everyone figured the game was over. Mil Famie decided to celebrate a little early and opened his cooler, pulled out a cold beer and polished it off before the first batter had even swung his bat. As the runners for his team made another run before the last out of that inning, Mil had finished a case of beer. As he walked out to the mound he staggered a little but his confidence carried him as the crowd cheered. First batter up got hit with a ball, second batter up also was walked as Mil could hardly see the homeplate. Each batter in turn either heard the Ump say, "Ball Four" or the player was hit. The opposing team won the game with a score of 14-10. When the Press came to interview the winning team they all had to agree, "It Was The Beer That Made Mil Famie Walk Us!

Frog Loan

A frog goes into his bank and talks to the loan manager, Miss Patty Whack, about getting a loan to fixup his pad. But the only thing he had as colateral was a trinket. She told the frog she would have to check with her supervisor because she couldn't grant a loan using a trinket. The supervisor looked at the trinket and said,"It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan".

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Rayville@valstar.net