Bob-"I went to the store the other day and bought a henway." Susan-"What's a henway?" Bob-"Oh, about three or four pounds!"
Your momma's so fat, when she went to the superbowl, she brought a spoon!
Your momma's so fat, when she went to a restaurant, they gave her a menu and she said okay!
There is a cliff in England named after a girl who got to close to the edge. Her name was Eileen Dover!
What do elves use to make sandwiches? Shortbread!
If you ever want to study the dark ages and the period of enlightenment, just keep turning the lights off and on!
Once, there was this little boy and he went to court because he didn't want to live with his parents anymore. The judge asked him why he didn't want to live with his mom and the boy said "Because she beats me." Then the judge asked the boy why he didn't want to live with his dad. The boy said "Because he beats me." Finally the judge asked the boy who he wanted to live with and the boy answered "I want to live with the Lewisburg Girls Varsity Basketball team because they don't beat anybody!"
What do you call a stupid flower? A blooming idiot!
I was up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me!
Why did the eskimo wash his clothes in Tide? Because it was too cold outtide!
Three blonds were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they went home!
A guy walks into a bar....A guy walks into a bar and says "OUCH!"
There was a boy who was named Odd. A lot of people made fun of him, so he said when he died, he wouldn't put anything on his gravestone. He died a couple years later, and like he said, there was nothing on his gravestone. So when people would pass, they would say "That's odd!"
A mime is walking aimlessly through a forest. A tree falls on him. Does anyone care?

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