************************************************************************************************ Dakota and Cheyenne****** They'd been waiting for a family some time-in theif foster home in Logan, two hours away from our home. Their social worker drove them down to us, a nine year old boy and a five year old girl, both Native American, both FAS, and the boy with ADHD as well. It was May, but the weather was off and there was snow on the ground. The first day passed quickly, with Cheyenne settling in well. Dakota did otherwise. I went downstairs into the bathroom shared by the downstairs children-and found a mess I could not believe. I could guess who had done it, my kids knew well the punishment for a dirty bathroom, a week of cleaning it. Not only did Dakota deny the mess, he claime he had seen the younger boys making the mess, which reached up past the tallest five year old's reach. I spent the night with Dakota, in the bathroom, trying to force him to clean. I gave up and sent him to his room, saying he could clean it for thde next wo weeks and remain in his room until he did. The next week was a nightmare of room restrictions and holding sessions, I was exhausted and I didn't know what to do! ************************************************************************************************ Dakota Brandon****** Sunday night had been unbearable, and I knew I could not remain in the house any longer. I puet the other chlidren to bed and single-handedly drug Dakota to the car. I strappe him in the front seat, with him kicking and screaming, got into the driver's seat, and drove for half an hour before he stopped screaming. I then began to pour out my heart to my son. "Dakota Brandon Everitt," I began. His quick reply was one I had heard many times that week-"That's not my name". Again I repeated the words that I had recited for the last week. "That IS your name, that will ALWAYS be your name, once an Everitt always an Everitt, you can't get rid of us that easily!". "Dakota," I sighed, "I'm sorry I couldn't have been there your entire life. I'm sorry I couldn't watch you take your first breath, say your first words, watch your first steps. I'm sorry I wasn't the one to teach you to tie your shoes, to climb a tree, to ride a bike. I"m sorry I wasn't there to kiss scraped knees, send you off to kindergarten, protect you from being hurt. But, Dakota, I can see what's ahead for us. I get to be the one to take you to Disneyland, to show you off to grandparents, to hold you late at night. I will be the one to teach you how to drive, to cook and clean. I get to see your first date and your first prom. I get to see you go on your mission. I'm the mother that will see you walk with your wife-to-be down the aisle! I'll get to see all these things. At home you have twenty brothers and sisters who love you, David who packed away his prized possesions to make room for you, you have a father eager to play catch with you, to take you fishing and camping and hiking and hunting. Right here you have a mother who has held you as you screamed, who has cried a tear for every time you've been hurt, who's asked the Lord every day why he allowed your heart to be broken. We love you Dakota, we we always love you, you are and will always be our son." I turned to look at Dakota, taking note of one lone tear traveling down his cheek. I reached over and wiped away the tear, then leaned over and gave him a hug. Then I looked around us and laughed. "Dakota, we're lost!" We drove to the nearest gas station and had slurpees at eleven o'clock at night, then asked for directions. It was midnight when we got home. Bill met us at the car and carried a sleeping Dakota to bed, removing his shoes and getting him dressed for bed. We tucked him in, stroked his hair, and kissed his forehead. Monday morning I found Dakota in the bathroom scrubbing up toothpaste. Oh, it hasn't all gotten better. We still have holding sessions, we still have tears, we still fight to get the bathroom clean, but it's all worth it when my son, covered in dirt, throws his arms around my neck and cries "I love you Mom!" ************************************************************************************************ Cheyenne Rainey****** Cheyenne is very different from Dakota. She has no problem attaching at all, even with complete strangers. Cheyenne is not capable of reasoning, and can not follow directions well. In order to get her ready for bed I must instruct, "Cheyenne, go upstairs, open your drawer, get your pajama tops and bottoms, and bring them to me". If I leave out a step she may come back moments later, asking "Mommy, waht did you want me to do?" She may go upstairs and bring me only her pajama tops, or her pajama bottoms. Or she may go upstairs and not return, only to be found five minutes later playing with her dolls. Cheyenne is one of the most affectionate children I have ever met, impulsivly she'll throw her arms around the daycare helpers-crying the same words, "Mommy, I love you!". Both Cheyenne and her brother are special challenges, but both hold a special place in my heart. ************************************************************************************************ Kenneth Artyom****** In April of 1999 China opened to large families. Our agency called, asking if we would be interested in adopting a second Chinese child. We quickly agreed, and we were told of a seven year old boy with a heart defect. We accepted him, our dossier was sent to China, and we were approved to adopt this boy. We were exitedly preparing for this adoption, and gathering the funds. We went to the bank to withdraw the money, and were horrified to find that our adoption account was nearly empty. Apperantly we had forgotten to enter a few checks, a few very LARGE checks. We prayed, pleading with the Lord to provide us with enough money to bring our son home. The next week a man who was a partner with my husband in an ownership with a rental property called-asking if we would be interested in selling our share of the home. We agreed, and were provided with plenty of money to complete the adoption. ************************************************************************************************ Preparing for China***** Since Chyou Hua, my dream baby, had come home we had longed to adopt another Chinese child. However, we knew that with our large family China was virtually impossible and instead we chose to adopt Asian children from other countries, Vietnam (two disrupted adoptions) and Russia (a little girl of Asian decent). In March the agency we had worked with for Chyou Hua's adoption called. China was opening the next month to larger families and if we identified a child and sent in our dossier we could have another child within months.. The next four weeks were a rush of putting together a dossier. Our homestudy and INS were ready, and so were we. It seemed to easy, having prepared a dossier for Russia just a few months before we had many of the papers on hand. Everything came together quickly and as soon as China opened we sent in our dossier. I was thankful for the distraction that Dakota and Cheyenne offered during our wait. We hadn't told anyone, not even the children, about our plans, as we knew it was only a 50/50 chance that we would be approved to adopt the child we had chosen. Seven weeks after we had sent in our dossier the agency called, it had happened, the adoption of Kenneth Artyom by our family had been approved. I'll never know how it all happened so quickly, three months broke a record for our agency, but I believe that God was watching over us. On June first, less than two weeks after approval, we traveled to pick up our son. If we had not traveled in January to pick up Virigina we would have had to get VISA's and passports for my husband and I, but as it was our passports and VISAs were updated and we were ready to go. ************************************************************************************************ Meeting our son***** We arrived in Beijing on the evening of June 2nd (or June 3rd in China). We spent the third and fourth doing sightseeing, we saw the Great Wall of China and the Forbidden City as well as many other beautiful sights. The next day we flew to Shanghai with five other families from our travel group. Only two of the families were adopting infants, two others were adopting two year olds and the last was adopting a nine year old. We had hoped to meet the children that afternoon, but they were delayed for unknown reasons. The next morning as we sat in the lobby of the hotel we saw a group of people coming in with six children. It took only minutes before our group was gathered in the lobby and Kenneth was lead into our arms. It is impossible to describe the joy I felt as I looked at my son for the first time. Kenneth appeared quiet and withdrawn, he didn't fuss at all, but on the other hand he didn't act exited either. He simply stood there while I hugged him, kissed him, patted his head, his cheeks, his shoulders. Eventually we were able to take our children to our hotel rooms to spend some time alone as a family. Kenneth had what we took to be scabbies, they faded within a few weeks (I assumed because of the cream we rubbed on them). Later we learned that our son did not have scabbies, what he had instead was a bad case of the chicken pocks! By coincidence, when we returned home I learned that we had three other cases of the chicken pocks. The doctor could not believe that after nursing so many children through chicken pocks I did not recognize them, but I had expected our son to have scabbies and hadn't thought of other possibilities! ************************************************************************************************ Our Time in China***** We spent four days in Shanghai, most of this time was spent in the hotel. We introduced new toys slowly, Kenneth loved the Power Ranger toys Maverick had picked out "just for my new brudder". He also enjoyed putting together the model airplane we had brought (purchased on ebay for less than a dollar by his ebay-addicted mother!). He and Bill crouched on the floor putting together the pieces and Kenneth was delighted by the finished product. On June ninth we flew to Guangzhou, where we stayed in the White Swan. This brought back so many memories of my last visit to China, with a single adoptive mom and her beautiful daughter just months before we were able to adopt Chyou Hua. Our room in the White Swan was nicer than our previous room and we settled in comfortably. It was not until then that we got the background information on Kenneth. He had actually lived with his birth family until the age of three, when he had been diagnosed with a heart problem requiring surgury. The family had been unable to afford the surgury and had left him in the orphanage in hopes that he would get the medical care he needed. He never did get the surgury, and the orphanage had noticed no problems and had decided it was not a severe defect and surgury would not be neccasary (this was what was stated on his medical). Much of our time in Guangzhou was spent filling out paperwork. Kenneth was content to stay inside playing with his toys so didn't spend much time outside-our agency had had some trouble in May after the bombing of the Chinese embassy, things had calmed down and they hadn't expected any trouble for our group but we figured it was better to be safe than sorry. Other families from our group did do sightseeing and spent time outside without any problem at all. We spent five days in Guangzhou and, finally, we were on our way home. ************************************************************************************************ Home coming***** The entire family met us at the airport. Maverick was eager to meet his new "brudder", and was the first to greet him at the gate. The two boys had "talked" over the phone to each other twice while we were in Guangzhou and Kenneth recognized Maverick from the pictures we had brought with us to China. The coming home was the good part, the physical the next day was the bad part. We had planned a full physical on Tuesday, with a check up on Wed. for his heart. However, during the physical on Tuesday not only did the doctor diagnos chicken pocks, he also told us that he felt our sons heart condition was more severe than we had thought. Kenneth had appeared healthy throughout our trip, when in reality his heart was working more than twice as hard as normal. After a day of exasperating hospital visits the doctors told us that they felt surgury would not be neccasary and that the problem could be cleared up with medication. However, if the problem had gone untreated for another month or so they believe an operation would have been vital. I can only imagine how this would upset Kenneth, his adjustment would have been harder I am sure. God was certainly looking over this little boy, and I believe that he is the reason the adoption went through so quickly with no problems at all. ************************************************************************************************ Return to Russia***** I had been joking when I told the agency if we could travel before Lowell Lee-Glenn's due date we would go right away, but they had taken me seriously. At least this was what the social worker was telling me, as she described the two groups of children she had waiting in Russia. The youngest group included three children ages five months to two, the older group included four children ages two to seven. Though the paperwork couldn't be completed on these children before August, it would be possible for both parents to visit and select a group, and then for only one parent to return when the paperwork was completed. We agreed to travel, and awaited their phone call telling us when. Late on the night of July second, just over a week later, the phone call came. We would be leaving Monday! Friday was a rush, we had four boxes of donations to gather and pack, bags to pack for the group of four we knew we would select (the younger group sounded adorable, but I didn't feel that I could deal with that many diapers!), plane tickets to purchase (thank goodness the agency dealt with this). Saturday was full of fireworks and activities, we had promised the children a great fourth of July (even on the third!) and we weren't going to let them down. On Monday we were off to Vladivostok, Russia. ************************************************************************************************Four Little Children***** The trip to Russia was short, a mere six days during which we were expected to select a group and get to know the children. We were first shown the younger group. The three babies were darling, however it was apparent they had some severe delays and I found myself glad we had already made our decision. Our group of four was brought in, and I immediatly fell in love. Ico was shy at first, but quickly warmed up and was soon chatting away in Russian. Ana Maria was much quieter, and said nothing during the entire visit. Marislav trailed along behind his older siblings, quietly, but he responded to the questions the orphanage director asked. Polina was the most outgoing of the four, from the time she entered the room she never stopped talking. She wrapped her arms around my neck and stayed there. We quickly told the orphanage director that this was our group. Thursday we were able to take the children with us for the day, but we had to return them to the orphanage that night. Friday was spent at the orphanage, our last day before boarding the plane. It was hard to leave without the children, but we were comforted by the thought that our donations would care for them until we could return for them, hopefully within two months. ************************************************************************************************ Heartbreak Hits We sent in our dossier to Russia eagerly. It was only a few days before our agency called. The officials in the area had stated that they would not place their children in such a large family. At first all I felt was anger. I was prepared to fight for these children, but my heart told me not to. I went through days of soul searching, trying to come to terms with the fact that I would have to leave these four little children in Russia, until I had a very interesting experience. We had been in contact since the begining of the year with a family that had adopted a sibling group of four children from Russia. The mother of this family called me up one afternoon with a question about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and I happened to mention our four children. Her eager "They would be perfect for our family!" was what I had been waiting to hear. Their paperwork was sent in, and this time the answer came back positive. Four children was not too large a family for these officials. Content in knowing these children would have a good home we switched agencies, in hopes of adopting from an agency that placed both from Russia and Vietnam. ************************************************************************************************ Our new agency The new agency was very helpful. Within a week we had decided to send paperwork in for two children, a two year old little girl in Russia and the baby boy in Vietnam that I had admired a few weeks earlier, who was now sixteen month old. Six weeks passed before our paperwork came back to Russia with our "official" referall, the same picture of the little girl but a completly different medical report. We were told first that she was sixteen months, not two as we had been previously told. We were also told that she had Hepititis B. After much consideration we decided to accept her regardless of the misinformation. The day after accepting her our agency called about another boy in Vietnam, Chadao, a ten month old with a heart defect. We had originally asked for a boy under the age of one, and they thought that we would be a good family for this little one as we had experience with heart defects. Our dossier was on hold in Vietnam while we awaited Lisa, however we told them we would be glad to take either or both Vietnemese boys. ************************************************************************************************ Lowell Lee-Roy Glenn It was the middle of August, two weeks before my due date, and I had decided to accompany my family on their yearly Lake Powell trip regardless of my pregnancy. We left on a Thursday, spent Thursday night in the boat, and left the dock Friday morning. Friday was a wonderful day in which we boated, swam, and participated in water sports. Things were going well until Saturday morning, when I began to have what I thought were false labor pains. As the pains continued I became concerned, and eventually I decided I needed to get off the lake, just in case. A few words to my husband and within record time the ten youngest children, myself, and Bill were loaded in the smaller boat on the way to shore, leaving the fourteen older children behind. Our oldest daughter contacted the house boat next to us, and they arranged to take the children to the hotel where we had thankfully made reservations, as the hotel was quite full. In the meantime Bill and I made it to the bus and began our drive to the hospital. We were only a few miles away when I ordered Bill to pull over, certain he was going to have to deliever this baby himself, the same man who refused to be present for Romney's birth five years before! He pulled over and attempted our cell phone again, we had just entered the range and he was able to get an ambulance to us in plenty of time. Lee was delievered by a wonderful EMT named Roy, a healthy, eight pound baby boy. He stayed in the hospital an extra day, just in case, and then came home to an unusually quiet house, as the children were staying with their grandparents. ************************************************************************************************ Co-Housing I had met her in the grocery store, an amazing place to meet such a wonderful woman, but what better a place? Tagging along at her feet were a half dozen toddlers of various decents. I had with me only three of my children, and I saw her grimace as I approached her, waiting, I suppose, for the usual comments. I started out the conversation in the way that I prefered to be approached, not "are they all yours", but "Is your family formed through adoption?". Somewhat relieved she told me that yes, her family was formed through adoption, and these children were only a small number of the children she had at home. I surprised her by telling her of my family, and she in turn amazed me by pointing out she had me beat by one child. Our conversation went from the bakery clear down the produce aisle, and by the time we checked out we were sound friends. We had known each other only a couple weeks when the idea of co-housing came up. Her family was living in tight quarters, they had recently returned to Utah after moving about for a year. She was eager to build a new house, however she wanted a larger home and could not afford it alone. I had, for some time, been wanting to move to a house with more bedroom space and less living space. The arrangement seemed to work well. She quickly sold her home, and they moved in with our family the first week of August. Soon after moving in with us in she went into labor, and her son Mitchie was born a week before my son, Lee. ************************************************************************************************ An accident Lee was sleeping soundly, and two of my three licensed sixteen year old daughters had gone their own way, eager to get out of the usual extra home-from-vacation chores. I had errands to run, a bag of shoes to drop of at our day-care kids home, items to return to my mother, library books to return, and film to develop. Philomena, my most reluctant driver, just happened to be free and I asked her to drive. She agreed hesitantly, and the first few errands went well. However the last errand, the film, required driving on some busy roads and poor Philomena was quite nervous. She had just entered the turn lane when the car, which had quite a few gliches and had previously stalled in the middle of the road while I was driving, began to malfunction. Unsure of what to do she prepared to pull into the parking lot, planning to pull in and stop to fix the problem. As she turned the gas pedal went out of control, and she took her foot of it, leaving us moving very slowly through a busy street. She wasn't aware of the motercycle she hit, as she was swirving to avoid the cars parked along the side of the curb. She missed, hitting a Ford Expedition belonging to a good friend of my husbands and a van belonging to our stake president. The five people in the van were unhurt, the motercyclist was taken to the hospital in serious, but stable condition. Both Philomena and I were unhurt physically, but were mentally shaken up. ************************************************************************************************ The aftermath At the age of two Phil had been driving with her birth parents when a drunk driver hit the car, causing it to swirve out of control. Both adults had been killed instantly and Philomena's survival had been considered a miracle. I had not realized how shaken she was, as she assured me she was just fine. However her sisters reported otherwise, telling me she had repeatedly cried out in the night and had finally retreated to the basement kitchen, where she had remained until morning. As is to be expected, the entire ward knew of the accident the next day, and everyone wanted details. Philomena hid her anxiety attack well, but not well enough for her sisters, who had been cautioned to watch her for signs of delayed shock. After a long nap she appears to be doing much better, but we continued our watch on her for some time. The car was severly damaged and undrivable, leaving us with only the fifteen passenger van for Bill to drive to work. Co-housing was a blessing in more ways than one, just a month before we would have had nothing but the van and our bus, which Bill couldn't possibly have driven to work and which I am not licensed to drive. As it was we were left with an extra fifteen passenger van, which would meet Bill's needs until we could find a smaller car. ************************************************************************************************ Recovery******************************************** Phil was recovering emotionally, though her progress was quite slow. We found ourselves dealing with problems that we hadn't known existed, such as ongoing depression and anxiety. Once again co-housing became a blessing, as Melissa's daughter, HR, had lost a father in a car accident. At one point Phil's depression was so severe that I couldn't get her to respond at all, and I was nearly in tears. Melissa had been listening to my pleas from across the hall, and she came into the bedroom, pulled Phil out of bed, and sent her upstairs to clean the kitchen. Melissa soon taught me what she had learned with HR, a child who is too busy to think is too busy to become depressed. ************************************************************************************************ More bad luck******************************************** A week had passed since the accident, and our bishop called my husband, explaining that the park they had reserved for our ward Youth Confrence was now unavailable. Bill suggested using our property instead, the drive was longer but it would be perfect for their needs. The hike went very well (aside from one sprained ankle), as did the speaker, and then it was time for the games, including water tug-a-war. The kids lined up across the creek and worked to pull each other in. Meli, at the front of the line, was the first to fall into the water. When she stood up Phil began screaming. I turned away from the bandaide I was applying to Radclyffe's leg, and was horrified to see blood rushing down both Meli's legs. She was drug out of the water, and carried on a litter (something practicied on the hike, and used to our advantage!) to the car, where she was rushed to the nearest emergancy room, making our mark there before we moved in. She spent two hours at the hospital, having glass pulled from her leg and stiches put in, she missed surgury by just a few inches. We later discovered the teenagers who had been having beer bashes on our property, and were assured by distressed parents that it would never happen again. ************************************************************************************************ A telephone call******************************************** It was Sunday night. We had spent Friday and Saturday at Yellowstone, and Sunday visiting relatives, so we had very tired children. We were tucking them in to bed when the phone rang. Our social worker announced that we would be traveling in two days, so we'd best get our bags packed. Monday was Labor Day, and labor we did, packing nine boxes of used clothing, baby bibs, blankets, sweaters, and booties, bottles, baby formula, educational toys, stuffed animals, and much more. The biggest challenge was figuring out how to ship the expressed breast milk, which we had been ensured would be put to use. At last we were packed, and ready to meet our new daughter. ******************************************************************************************************************************************** Russia again ***** We traveled to Russia the day after Labor Day, Bill, Phil, and I. We were staying with a host family, a wonderful family with four girls of their own, who were more than eager to help us. We were able to visit the orphanage the first day, taking with us our nine boxes of donations, loaded in the back of a truck that our agency had struggled to arrange last minute. The three of us entered the orphanage and found many caregivers there to greet us, all eager to see the woman who brought "mother's milk" to their babies. We were able to view the orphanage, unpack the expressed breastmilk, and put it to immediate use. *************************************************************************"Donna"************************* The orphange director brought me a little girl, and indicated that she wanted me to feed the little one. The little girl was a baby of mixed race, certainly not Asian, she was almost African in appearance, with dark hair and eyes. Certianly a minority among the caucasion Russians. I estimated from her size that she was about as old as Lee. My attempts to get the baby to take a bottle failed, she was too weak to suck. I dug through the donations and unearthed iron drops, not looking for the drops themselves but rather for the eye dropper that came with the bottle. Using this eye dropper I fed the baby, one drop at a time, only a couple of ounces, and a caretaker came to take her away. Later I was shown this baby's medical report, which stated that she was six months old. The medical report had no name, so I called this little girl "Donna". ************************************************************************************"Maddie"*************************** The second child brought to me to feed was also a little girl. This child was an adorable little girl, aside from one deformity, a severe cleft lip and pallate. They had been unable to feed this child, due to the difficulty of swallowing experienced by a child with a cleft lip and pallate. Having had a daughter with this need, I was able to show them how to properly feed this little girl, and I made a mental note to ship them a box of nipples for children with cleft pallates. Later in our visit I learned more about this little girl as well, as I was introduced to her birthmother. The little girl, whose name was the equivilant of Madeline in Russia (I immediatly nicknamed her Maddie), was a twin. Her parents had been able to care for her, because of her cleft lip and palate, however they loved her very much and prayed that they would find a way to correct her disability. It was only after I got home that I had a breakthrough, what if we were to take Maddie, bring her to the US, and get her corrective surgury, then return her to Russia and her birthfamily? Donna also came to mind, and led me to wonder about bringing a child to the US to be treated for malnutrition. I immediatly contacted a program that did things of this sort, to find out if this would be possible. *************************************************