Dr. Glenn Doman from Philadelphia has studied brain-injured children for at least four decades now. His findings about the influence of parents was more of an accident. After many years of hard work caring for brain-injured children and doing therapy with them, he and his team decided to evaluate one hundred of their patients and measure their progress. These evaluations were then compared to another group of brain injured children who for various reasons, such as lack of funds, had not been treated by any professionals. Dr. Doman said, "We came to an absolutely astonishing conclusion. The children who had been without treatment were almost overwhelmingly better than the children we had treated! Among the untreated group of children, the better children had made more improvement than the best children in our group and the worst were not as bad as our own children who had actually gotten worse. The evidence was overwhelming. Not only was our work ineffective, but the children who had been without treatment were better than our children whom we had treated so long and so hard..." (What to Do about Your Brain-Injured Child, Glenn Doman, page 36 and 37). At this point Dr. Doman and his staff looked for better answers. Obviously the parents seemed to instinctively do better, so they knew there was much to be learned. Years of research as to how brains develop and how injuries effect the brain, etc. were done and they did find new methods that worked much better. In the process they learned about the great influence that parents have -- the greatest influence usually being the mother.

In 90 percent of the children, the mother was the first one who decided the child had a problem, then often she had a difficult time convincing any one else that her baby was slow and that something was wrong. But these mothers persisted until testing was done and help for their child was obtained. Usually the testing only proved to the professionals that the mother knew what she was talking about and was the world's expert on what her child was and was not capable of. These mothers often had far more hope for their children than did the professionals and could prove the professionals wrong. They found that mothers could motivate these brain injured children better than anyone else. Glenn Domain said, "[Mothers are] equipped by nature to understand motivation instinctively."

He also said that there has been a prevalent myth that parents are too emotionally involved with their children and so are not objective making them more of problem when you are trying to treat their children (as if to suggest that things would be better if mother were less emotionally involved). His team discovered that parents are more effective than any trained professional when working with their own children. As a result, their institute now trains the parents and helps them to understand how to better help their child and their patients are only brought to the institute for periodic evaluation.

What I found the most interesting was the reason they gave for this greater ability of the parents to work with these handicapped children. He said, "The reason that parents can treat kids better than we can, if they know what they're doing, is very simple. Much as everyone on the staff loves brain-injured children, and love them they do, each individual kid is loved even more by his individual parents." (Ibid. page 210) It is the love bond between the parent and child that makes all the difference. Dr. Doman has shown that this is just as important to a normal child as it is to a brain-injured one.

Several years ago I was watching a television show about parenting in which one of the psychologists being interviewed said that the most important bonding element between a parent and child was that parents have an irrational love for their own children.

As parents, we get very excited when our child says his first word, takes those first steps, etc. We often hug and kiss the child, give great amounts of praise, tell them how wonderful they are, etc. We want to tell everyone about these important events! Yet in any normal child these are expected developments and not the least bit unusual, why then do we act the way we do? It is because of this great irrational love. These types of great reactions to a child's normal develop are very important! They need us as a cheerleader telling them how wonderful they are. No matter how normal the development, it is hard work and requires the child to try over and over again before success is achieved. The praise, love and enthusiasm we give is a significant to their further desire to try. It is important that they received this encouragement throughout their childhood.

Some further studies done on normal children by Dr. Doman's team were also very interesting. They studied mothers to see what factors produced the most successful results. After careful observation, they divided mothers into two groups. One was highly intellectual, highly educated, very calm, very quiet. This group was termed "the intellectuals." The other group which was by far the largest group of women were often intelligent, but less inclined to be intellectual in personality and these were a good deal more enthusiastic than the first. They were named "the dizzy blondes" which had more to do with enthusiasm than with hair color.

They expected the intellectual group to be the most successful but were proven to be very wrong. The more dizzy (enthusiastic) the mother the better the results! The intellectuals tended to say "That's splendid Mary." While the enthusiastic mothers were more inclined to shout, "WOW! That's Great!" when their child succeeded. "These were the mothers who showed by voice, motion and commotion their elation with the child's success.... "The answer was simple... Children dig celebrations-- so give them what they want." (How to Teach Your Baby to Read, by Glenn Doman, page 239-240)

What happens when love and enthusiasm are absent? Several years ago Lisa Blumber, at the time a junior at Wellesley College wrote a research group expressing her feelings as follows: "In my psychology courses, I read case histories of psychopaths, chronic 'losers' and individuals who are totally dependent on drugs. One thing that most of these people have in common is they suffered from parental neglect, when they were children. In very many cases their parents were not overtly abusive to them, they were just inattentive or absent for prolonged periods."

As parents we do have a great influence over our children and how they learn, develop, and view themselves. Good parents are the real answer to most of the major problems we face in the world today.

DC

When the early colonists first settled in this nation, they faced decades of hardships and threats to their very survival. Yet, no where is it written that these difficulties threatened the preservation of the nuclear family. Similarly, the Revolutionary War and later the Civil War brought great loss of life and property and untold human suffering. Yet, the nuclear family system still endured.

Only over the last 50 or 60 years has the American family system been slowly destroyed.

It appears that human beings naturally and instinctively preserve their family systems under all kinds of stressful circumstances. Even today, African people wander their lands suffering from starvation and disease, but they do so as families. Some Third World societies live in constant war, surrounded by violence and chaos, but they still maintain and preserve their family systems.

The most important question to ask is what might be quietly and slowly pulling our families apart.

There are many "experts" who want to blame the destruction of the nuclear family on parents. However, we would have to assume that parents have been raising and interacting with their children in similar ways for thousands of years. We could even say that it appears very few parents over the centuries have been able to provide their children with proper care, and that some degree of neglect has been prevalent in childrearing practices for centuries. However, there is no evidence to show that this neglect has ever threatened the breakdown of the nuclear family system. In fact, research shows that families tend to remain intact even under the influence of very bizarre and deranged parenting practices.

A look at what does make healthy families may help us to evaluate the cause of so many unhealthy families today. Healthy families require healthy adults, so how parents were raised is important. Just because a child rearing practice is common in a society doesn't mean it doesn't do harm that continues from one generation to the next because of tradition. Thus all traditions must be measured and carefully evaluated as to whether they help make healthier families or actually hinder key elements that are necessary for a strong family unit to fully develop.

The bonding between parents and children is probably the single most important element of a strong family. This bonding goes well beyond the first year of a child's life. As important as those first few years are in the bonding process, the need for this all important bonding continues for several years. For example, children between the ages of four and five are just beginning to talk and communicate their own ideas and feelings. Children of these ages are just becoming capable of establishing the kinds of mental and emotional bonds with their parents which will become the basis of family relationships and interactions. They are just becoming capable of forming real and lasting friendships with their parents. This is when family life is beginning to blossom and flower; this is when it is still very important for parents and children to spend as much time as possible together. This need for bonding and a child spending a lot of time with his parents doing meaningful activities together lasts until the child is at least nine or ten years of age. Otherwise you do not give this all important relationship a chance to fully develop and to become as strong as it can and should be.

The environment that children spend most of their time in is extremely important. Children need a natural environment in which healthy mental and emotional bonds can be established between and among human beings. Children need to be allowed to talk, to laugh, to cry, to yell, to share ideas and to express normal human emotion.

Existing psychological research clearly indicates that all children require lots of healthy, positive emotional contacts, with adults who genuinely like children, in order to grow and develop properly. Children need at least one adult that they know loves them intensely and unconditionally. This is usually one, or even better, both parents. It is important for children to feel this love as often as possible. They need to see this tremendous love for them not only through physical actions such as hugging, but also through seeing that they are the top priority for at least one parent and that much of the parent's time is freely given.

A successful family life obviously depends on healthy mental and emotional interaction. Young children need not only to be picked up and hugged or physically comforted in any way, but they need to always be able to ask for this type of comfort and receive it. A child needs to have empathy and compassion shown toward him and to others around him. This compassion needs to be part of the general atmosphere of his environment, not an occasional part of it.

All research evidence indicates that children learn socialization and interaction skills from the adults in their environment and then they test these skills out on one another. Our nation's children must learn to be involved and interested in others through adults, especially their parents, being deeply involved and interested in them as individuals.

The fact that so many American children watch so much television is a direct result of the breakdown of a parent-child relationship. Video games, like television, provide children with an activity they can do in isolation from their parents. In healthy societies, where parents and children are naturally involved in one another's daily lives, children do not require toys or video games or television sets for entertainment. Children naturally want to be involved with their parents and with the real world. When children are involved with their families, they are too interested in what their parents are doing to require empty, mindless forms of entertainment.

In some fashion, achieving a modern society has brought with it a breakdown of the basic relationship between the parent and child. It is so important that parents look for ways to spend more time, especially one on one time, with their children. It is also paramount that every family try to discover what types of things are quietly pulling the families apart and that they then work diligently to eliminate these as much as possible in their own family.

Adapted from an article in Great Education Moves, August 30, 1989, Volume 1 Number 3 - used by permission.

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In the too often forgotten background of many great people are found great mothers and Corrie's mother was no exception. Prayer, scripture study and service were a regular and major part of their home. Her mother took baskets of food to others, made things for others, took in and cared for extended family, etc. Corrie described her as a woman who loved everyone and showed her love in everything she did. She brought peace to all who knew her. Even after she was paralyzed and no longer able to even speak, she still enlisted her daughters' help so that she could continue to bring cheer to the neighborhood.

Corrie and her sister Betsie continued their mother's service in the community, including taking in foster children and working with the mentally handicapped. This love and concern for others eventually caused them to willing risk their own lives to help save Jews during the Nazi occupation of Holland.

They did save many, but they were also captured and ended up in a concentration camp. After months of incarceration, they arrived at their final barracks. Here is Corrie's description: "Betsie and I followed a prisoner-guide through the door at the right. Because of the broken windows the vast room was in semi-twilight. Our noses told us, first, that the place was filthy: somewhere plumbing had backed up, the bedding was soiled and rancid. Then as our eyes adjusted to the gloom we saw that there were no individual beds at all, but great square piers stacked three high, and wedged side by side and end to end with only an occasional narrow aisle slicing through.

"We followed our guide single file--the aisle was not wide enough for two--fighting back the claustrophobia of these platforms rising everywhere above us. The tremendous room was nearly empty of people; they must have been out on various work crews. At last she pointed to a second tier in the center of a large block. To reach it we had to stand on the bottom level, haul ourselves up, and then crawl across three other straw-covered platforms to reach the one that we would share with--how many? The deck above us was too close to let us sit up. We lay back, struggling against the nausea that swept over us from the reeking straw. [Within a few minutes they discovered that the straw was swarming with fleas.]

"Barracks 28 was designed to hold four hundred, but now fourteen hundred were quartered here with more arriving each week. Eight acrid and overflowing toilets served the entire room; to reach them we had to crawl not only over our own bedmates but over those on the other platforms between us and the closest aisle, always at the risk of adding too much weight to the already sagging slats and crashing down on the people beneath. It happened several times, that first night.... Even when the slats held, the least movement on the upper platforms sent a shower of dust and straw over the sleepers below--followed by a volley of curses.... Here there was not even a common language and among exhausted, ill-fed people quarrels erupted constantly.... Brawls were starting all up and down... we heard scuffling, slaps, sobs." Anger penetrated the air; Corrie wondered how they could even survive in such a place. Together Betsie and Corrie prayed for help. (Ten Boom, The Hiding Place, New York: Bantam Books 1974 p. 197- 199)

By nothing short of several miracles on their behalf, they had been able to keep a Bible. With scriptures and prayer as their strength and guide, they found help not only for themselves, but help for those around them.

The teachings of their youth played an important role. They had seen peace and love in their home, they had witnessed their own mother continue in a life of love and giving even in a body with great physical pain and handicaps. Like their mother, they could not change many of their physical circumstances, but they could control their own emotions and how they influenced others. They chose to lift rather than be contributors of more hate and anger. They were led by their faith, not pulled by their emotions.

It is natural to react to cruelty with anger and hate. Hunger, physical exhaustion and great physical discomfort have natural negative emotions that accompany them. These two women did not let these natural feelings take over. Instead they chose to have feelings of love and compassion. They allowed the spirit of God to be with them and leaned on His spirit and their faith in His teachings. By using these, they found that Jesus Christ is truly the Prince of Peace. They looked for ways to bring others to Christ so that as many as possible would have peace in midst of such abomination.

Although the world in the concentration camp was a literal hell on earth that continued to worsen by becoming increasingly cruel and cold, and their physical conditions got worse -- the atmosphere inside Barracks 28 slowly changed to a heaven on earth. Each night they held worship "services" with hymns, Bible reading and prayer. Soon so many wanted to join them that they held a second service after evening roll call. During the services, the Bible was read in Dutch, but translations were passed on in German, French, Polish, Russian, Czech, etc. After a while, the yelling, slapping, crying, and words of anger changed to "Sorry!", "Excuse me," and "No harm done."

They changed the atmosphere by inviting others to join them in scripture reading and prayer, then they set the example of peace and love. Others saw the great positive difference Christ made in the lives of these two women and desired to join them. Eventually all the women living in this crowded room were feasting on the word of God together and entering His presence through prayer.

The physical conditions did not change: the guards were still cruel, the fleas still bit, the straw was still rancid, and the hunger pains and exhaustion continued; yet peace and harmony prevailed and the very crowded conditions were now seen as a blessing because so many were able to join them in coming unto Christ.

In praying to our Heavenly Father, Jesus said, "I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. . . .Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me." (John 17:15-17, 20-21)

To bring such peace and harmony to our homes, to have such a positive influence on those around us, to be able to be in the worst of circumstances and still choose to have joy and peace is the result of putting God above all else. This is what makes the greatest of all heroines. This is what saves souls, the most precious of all God's possessions.

No matter what our circumstances, we can all serve others in a similar fashion. This is especially important for those of us with children still at home. If these children are to weather their future storms of life, they must see our examples of turning to God for strength and putting His word first in our lives.

May we all be women of great faith. Although we live in this world, I hope we will all keep ourselves from the evils of our day and partake instead of the wonderful fruit God so willingly offers us.

DC

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Mormon also spoke to us about those who were fatherless. He told us that Jesus Christ had shown us to him and that he knew of our doings. (see Morm 8: 35) He then had some hard words for our conduct and I have never been able to read the rest of chapter 8 without feeling that I should do more for those in need around me. He singled out the poor, the needy, the sick, and the afflicted, later he went on to specifically refer to widows and orphans.

Studies show that the women and children without a father in the home are largest group of people in need in our society today. Single mothers face a difficult challenge that encompasses most areas of their lives; it can be a challenge emotionally and physically as well as financially.

I know there are many people and groups who deserve attention, but I want to focus for now on this group. I would also include single sisters without children because they are without a husband in the home and have some of the same needs. I thought we could share ideas as to what we all might do.

I would appreciate it, if as many of you as possible would please send your ideas so we might all improve.

Thank you! DC

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While it may seem like a small contribution and perhaps make only a small difference -- or perhaps no difference at all -- that those of us who can, stay home and do charitable acts of service, we need the faith that our prophets are correct in their council and that a changed world will be the result of these "small things." It took only 2000 young stripling warriors to save a nation in battle, and my guess is that it required less than 2000 mothers to teach and have such a powerful effect.

President Wilford Woodruff said if we will teach and train our children correctly, at least 99 out of 100 will not go astray. President Benson has said that if we are the kind of parents we should be, no generation gap will exist in our homes. He stated many times that the generation gap is just a tool of Satan and need not exist in a good home where the gospel is really taught and true examples set by parents. (see Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, pages 406, 491,and 497)

First we need to have faith that this is true. We need to be willing to try everything we have been asked by our Prophet to do. Often sisters are heard to say that it is impossible to do all that we are asked to do, yet Nephi taught that, "the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save He shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1Nephi 3:7)

When life seems too overwhelming perhaps we need to reevaluate our priorities and the way we are accomplishing the tasks given. The Book of Mormon tells us that the Lamanites had problems because of the traditions of their fathers. Perhaps we too have false traditions that keep us from better accomplishing our main goal of parenthood. President Benson tells us that it can be done and that some families are doing it. I believe him.

Even though some of the things our leaders admonish us to do seem small and not to matter all that much, we need the faith to follow with all our heart. The testimony of the truthfulness of their words will then come. I believe the miracle of a finer world will also then come.

President Kimball said, "To be a righteous woman during the winding-up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home -- which is society's basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife." Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball pages 326-327.

If what President Kimball said is true, that the strength and influence of a righteous woman today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times, then it stands to reason that it is also tenfold as important that we be righteous women!

President Kimball made this statement in more tranquil times than we now have. If it was tenfold at that time, I believe it may now easily be twenty-fold.

We are in a cultural war, a war over values. The battle our young stripling warriors are in is one that requires the greatest courage and knowledge of our Heavenly Father. It requires far more than mere testimonies from all of us, it requires valiancy coupled with faith and hope that cannot be swayed.

It is my prayer that we will have the faith to follow our Prophet and heed all the council given us as parents, for our country is in need of a miracle.

DC

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That a thorough, religious, useful education is the best security against misfortune, disgrace and poverty, is universally believed and acknowledged; and to this we add the firm conviction, that, when poverty comes (as it sometimes will) upon the prudent, the industrious, and the well-in-formed, a judicious education is all-powerful in enabling them to endure the evils it cannot always prevent. A mind full of piety and knowledge is always rich; it is a bank that never fails; it yields a perpetual dividend of happiness.

In a late visit to the alms-house at ----, we saw a remarkable evidence of the truth of this doctrine. Mrs.--- was early left an orphan. She was educated by an uncle and aunt, both of whom had attained the middle age of life. Theirs was an industrious, well-ordered, and cheerful family. Her uncle was a man of sound judgment, liberal feeling , and great knowledge of human nature. This he showed by the education of the young people under his care. He allowed them to waste no time; every moment must be spent in learning something, or in doing something. He encouraged an entertaining, lively style of conversation, but discountenanced all remarks about persons, families, dress, and engagements; he used to say, parents were not aware how such topics frittered away the minds of young people, and what inordinate importance they learned to attach to them, when they heard them constantly talked about.

In his family, Sunday was a happy day; for it was made a day of religious instruction, without any unnatural constraint upon the gayety of the young. The Bible was the text book; the places mentioned in it were traced on maps; the manners and customs of different nations were explained; curious phenomena in the natural history of those countries were read; in a word, everything was done to cherish a spirit of humble, yet earnest inquiry. In this excellent family Mrs.---- remained 'til her marriage. In the course of fifteen years she lost her uncle, her aunt, and her husband. She was left destitute, but supported herself comfortably by her own exertions, and retained the respect and admiration of large circle of friends. Thus she passed her life in cheerfulness and honor during ten years; at the end of that time, her humble residence took fire from an adjoining house in the night time, and she escaped by jumping from the chamber window. In consequence of the injury received by the fall, her right arm was amputated, and her right leg became entirely useless. Her friends were very kind and attentive; and for a short time she consented to live on their bounty; but, aware that the claims on private charity are very numerous, she, with the genuine independence of a strong mind, resolved to vail herself of the public provision for the helpless poor. The name of going to the alms-house had nothing terrifying or disgraceful to her; for she had been taught the conduct is the real standard of respectability. She is there, with a heart full of thankfulness to the Giver of all things; she is patient, pious, and uniformly cheerful. She instructs the young, encourages the old, and makes herself delightful to all, by her various knowledge and entertaining conversation. Her character reflects dignity on her situation; and those who visit the establishment, come away with sentiments of respect and admiration for this voluntary resident of the alms-house.

* * * * *

What a contrast is afforded by the character of woman who occupies the room next hers! She is so indolent and filthy, that she can with difficulty be made to attend to her own personal comfort; and even the most patient are worn out with her perpetual fretfulness. Her mind is continually infested with every, hatred, and discontent. She thinks Providence has dealt hardly with her; that all the world are proud and ungrateful; and that every one despises her because she is in the alms-house. This pitiable state of mind is the natural result of her education.

Her father was a respectable mechanic, and might have been a wealthy one, had he not been fascinated by the beauty of a thoughtless, idle, showy girl, whom he made his wife. The usual consequences followed--he could not earn money so fast as she could spend; the house became a scene of discord; the daughter dressed in the fashion; learned to play on the piano; was taught to think that being engaged in any useful employment was very ungenteel; and that to be engaged to be married was the chief end and aim of woman; the father died a bankrupt; the weak and frivolous mother lingered along in beggary, for a while, and then died of vexation and shame.

The friends of the family were very kind to the daughter; but her extreme indolence, her vanity, pertness, and ingratitude, finally exhausted the kindness of the most generous and forbearing; and as nothing could induce her to personal exertion, she was at length obliged to take shelter in the alms-house. Here her misery is incurable. She has so long been accustomed to think dress and parage the necessary elements of happiness, that she despises all that is done for her comfort; her face has settled into expression which looks like an imbodied growl; everybody is tired of listening to her complains; and ever the little children run away, when they see her coming.

May not those who have children to educate, learn a good lesson from these women? Those who have wealth, have recently had many and bitter lessons to prove how suddenly riches may take to themselves wings; and those who certainly have but little to leave, should indeed beware how they bestow upon their children, the accursed inheritance of indolent and extravagant habits.

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It is not surprising that this is what it represents when you know the history of Nero. He was the emperor of Rome from 54 A.D.to 68 A.D., during which he murdered both his mother and his wife. Although his reign was short, it was most memorable. His most notable achievement was the rebuilding of Rome after a great fire that either leveled or devastated ten of the fourteen city regions. It burned for nine days and "raged beyond the memory or example of former ages" according to historian Edward Gibbons. Rumors, based on fact, quickly spread that Nero himself had ordered the fire so that he could rebuild Rome as a glory and honor to himself. Many historians believe there is more than ample evidence that this was true. As a result of these rumors, Nero needed some fictious "criminals" to blame the fire on so as to take the blame off of himself. He chose a dispised new sect called Christians for this blame. He put forth the idea that Christians were an evil force whose destruction would bring a peace to the land. According to Tacitus, "Some were nailed on crosses, others sewn up in the skins of wild beasts, and exposed to the fury of dogs; others again, smeared over with combustible materials, were used as torches to illuminate the darkness of the night." Thus began the Roman persecution of the Christians.

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