H.E.A.R.T. Systems
Software Company |
~ Yet another customer
service phone call....
Service Rep:
Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software
Company help desk. How may I help you?
Customer: I
just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0...you
know....the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me
how to install it?
Service
Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk
and instructions with you?
Customer:
Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program
does?
Service
Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is
no otherlike it in the world. LOVE attaches to your
operating system and runs silently in the background, you
will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but
you will notice its affect on every application you may
have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly
restricts and/ordeletes the bad ones.
Customer:
Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run
smoother?
Service
Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,
ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently.
Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is
an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax
errors. Also,all those aggravating errors that say
"unable to connect" will be avoided.LOVE allows
for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless
of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or
the age of the model.
Customer:
That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated
for too long. But what about the bad programs?
CS Rep:
Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs
like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and
SPITE.EXE. These programs can't be entirely deleted off
your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE
stops their commands from being executed and runs its own
instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you
wont be able to write with the fonts
"BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10".
Customer:
That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades
free too?
CS Rep:
They sure are ma'am.
Customer:
How do I get the upgrades?
CS Rep:
That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it
automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to
every external Harddrive Email And Remote Terminal
(H.E.A.R.T.) that it comes in contact with. In turn,
those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they
have and return a module to your H.E.A.R.T. You will be
upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But
you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to
be running LOVE and you have to come into contact
withother computers while it is running.
Customer: I
can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I
amready toinstall now. What do I do first?
CS
Rep: The first step is to open your H.E.A.R.T. Have you
located your H.E.A.R.T. ma'am? Customer: Yes I have,
but there are several programs running right now. Is it
okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep:
What programs are running ma'am?
Customer:
Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No
problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your
permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE
with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However,
you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being
properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I
don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My
pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely
erased.
Customer:
Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes
it is. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your H.E.A.R.T. Do you see that
message?
Customer:
Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep:
Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other H.E.A.R.T.'s in
order to get the upgrades.
Customer:
Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep:
What does the message say?
Customer:
It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS". What does that mean?
CS Rep:
Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external H.E.A.R.T.s
but has notyet beenrun on your H.E.A.R.T. It is one of
those complicated programming things, but In
non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE"
your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer:
So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can
you find the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer:
Yes, I have it.
CS Rep:
Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer:
Thank you.
CS Rep:
You're welcome. Click on the following files and then
copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and
GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting
files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also,
you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories,
and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure
it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer:
Got it. Hey! My H.E.A.R.T. is filling up with really neat
files.SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it
shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are
copying themselves all over my H.E.A.R.T.!
CS Rep:
Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to
handle it from here. One more thing before I go...
Customer:
Yes?
CS Rep:
LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it
with other people and they will return some really neat
modules back to you.
Customer: I
will. Thank you for your help.
"Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered,it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices
with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1
Corinthians 13:4-8a
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