Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying:
"Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingodom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death."

Revelation 12:10-11

This story is really to let you know where I'm coming from. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me in the least bit (for one reason, my life couldn't be better now) but I think that this story is an awesome testimony of what God can do in one's life and other people can benefit from it.

I've debated with myself on how much I should say about the first of two life-changing moments in my life. I've decided to keep it brief but with enough detail to capture your attention for the rest of my story.

Starting from the beginning. My family (mom, dad, brother and I) was on a walk on the evening of April 12, 1986 when both of my parents were run over by a drunk driver, neither survived. I was 11 years old and my little brother was 8. Needless to say, my life was completely transformed in a heartbeat.

So, where does that leave me now? Someone might say that time heals all wounds and I would have to semi-agree with them there. I don't think about it very often, I can't say that I even think about it every day, but then some days it might be all I would think about. I am 24 years old now and that was over half my life ago. Time heals but a scar was still there. I would describe it as having a hole inside, inside my soul and that there was no way that I could possibly even dream of filling. I can remember once saying that maybe if I had a beautiful wife and kids that it might make everything all right and I'd forget all about the past and everything would be just fine. I guess I could say that I was searching for an answer but really did not know what I was looking for. While the wife and kids will be nice someday that would not answer to my problem.

I remember thinking as a child, "Why could God do something like this to me?" and not really knowing the answer. I never gave up believing that there was a God but at times I seriously doubted His motives. I do think that I knew that there had to have been a reason but that I really didn't understand.

Over the years I searched for an answer to the question, "Who were my parents?" On May 16, 1997 and I ended up going over to the house of some friends of my parents. We ended up talking for a long time. One subject that we talked about was "knowing whether you knew someone went to heaven." Their comment was that I could know for sure that my parents were in heaven, because you knew how they felt by they way they acted, talked, and what they did with their lives. They made it clear how they believed. I had really never thought about it in that way, but it was true. Some people don't ever talk about their beliefs and don't really outwardly show their faith and if you have really never talked to them about it and they die you really don't know what's in their heart.

Just a cool example of this and how my mother let everyone know how she felt is how she answered the phone. My mother would answer the phone, "Praise the Lord, Judy Mueller speaking." And she got punished in our small community for it too. And for what? She was doing what she is supposed to, letting her light shine. The drunks would call from the bars late at night just to listen to her answer the phone. They'd hang up and call back and she would answer it just like she did the first time. I don't mean to brag but that is awesome. That is an example for all of us.

Matthew 5:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. (KJV)

John 15:17-21
Jesus said, 17 "This I command you, that you love one another. 18 "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19 "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 "Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 "But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know the One who sent Me.

So I was thinking about other people who had passed away and wondering if they had gone to heaven and really basing my conclusions on what they did in the community, church, etc. I was thinking of one particular person and I said that they were respected, honest, went to church every week, the list went on and that was why I thought that they ought to go to heaven. And then my friend showed me this Bible verse:

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

I read the verse and it hit me like a ten ton safe. Until that point I did not have a clue. I always knew that facts but I really didn't know the most important thing: "it is through our faith in Jesus Christ leading a sinless life and then dying on the cross for our sins, that allows us to be able to go to heaven and there is no way that we can earn it." That pretty much says it all. God opening my eyes to that has changed my life completely. And that is the second life-changing moment in my life.

When I was shown that verse I was amazed because I did not know what the Bible had to say and I wanted to know what else it said. These friends had some tapes of sermons and actually about ten of the tapes that they had were given to them by my father over 10 years earlier. And guess what, they then gave them to me. The first tape I listened to that night answered so many of the questions I had and that I had heard so many people have, talk about, etc. Here is the outline of that first tape (it's also in the list).

I guess that I always had thought that you just needed to be a "good" person. But being good is a worldly term or a worldly judgment. It says in James 2:10 "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all." That right there says that we are all "bad" people, we all have disobeyed the law, we have all broken the ten commandments, we have all become guilty of all. So that's where Jesus comes in.

So how does that help me with the past you ask? Well I know that all my mom ever wanted to do was be with God in Heaven. She spent a lot of time writing songs from verses of the Bible. I can remember waking up early in the morning and always hearing her sing. I have a tape of her singing that she had made and on that tape she told what her goal in life was and it was based on the verse that the particular song was written from and this is that verse:

Psalm 27:4
One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to meditate in His temple.

And that is where my mom and dad are now and I can be at complete peace knowing that. How could anyone will on anyone else to have to live here on this earth, when they could be in Heaven. Some people would think of that accident as a tragedy but all my mom got was her wish and I now am happy for that, she deserved it.

John 16:33
Jesus said, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

I can remember once looking through some things and seeing my mother's birth date. I calculated her age to be 37. I remember thinking about friends that I have that aren't all that much younger than 37. In fact it's only 15 years older than I am now. At that time I was feeling pretty sad. I just recently thought of something that fits this really well to this situation. We don't know exactly when Jesus was born, somewhere in the range of 8 B.C. to 4 B.C. and he died on April 7, 30 A.D. So that would make Him a maximum of 38 years old when He completed is life. And I'm not trying to make a comparison of my mother to Jesus but as far as accomplishing God's plan, my mom did get to do what she needed to do on this earth. You don't have to live to 75 to make an impact on other's lives. My parent's will have a vast impact on the rest of my life for sure and definitely everyone who reads this story.

So where does that leave me? Well back to the question "Why could God do this to me?" Well God doesn't kill people, sin kills people. God does intervene and save people but we cannot understand like God understands so we won't know the answers till we see him face to face. But one thing that I know for sure is that my parents aren't suffering on this earth anymore and I now know that what happened to them happened for a reason and that good things can come out of things that we on earth would consider to be bad. All my parents got was a promotion, they're better off. It was tough for us here on earth but now with what has happened to me in the last five months I have a much better understanding and complete peace about the whole situation. I have this story and most people only get to see the part that they consider to be sad but if you really sit back and look at it, knowing what you know now from reading this I think that you can see the good in it all.

So from then on I have had a completely different outlook on life. I am trying to learn more and more from the wonderful resource God gave us in the Bible. Life just looks completely different when you try to look at it through Jesus' eyes.

So I went into the phase of trying to find out exactly where God wants me and what He wanted me to do. Someone might ask you when you were in high school, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" well my answer was, "I want to be an Electrical Engineer, and make lot's of money." Well I became faced with the question, "What does God want me to do?" That is a really tough question. We want to know the answer right away but God doesn't always work like that. So as far as my lifelong goal, well I'm still searching. There are a couple of verses that come to my mind in my situation and working toward what God would have one do.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be established.

Psalm 37:4-6
4 Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday.

In May of 1999 I graduated from Kansas State with my BS in Electrical Engineering. Last summer I was given the opportunity to work with a ministry called Doulos Ministries along side of a man named Richard Beach. When I went into the summer I pretty much though that I knew a lot about walking with the Lord and had a good handle on what I believed. After spending the summer with Rich I really learned tons and really was transformed from an unteachable proud young man into at least someone who knew that they didn't know a lot (I still struggle with pride through). All of it was just through his humility and love toward me. After graduating I returned to Doulos and now am working and being trained through a program of Doulos Ministries called LeadTime. LeadTime is a Christian leadership training program where college graduates work and live with troubled teens while being mentored and given a strong Biblical foundation. I am learning a lot about myself and how desperate I really am without Christ. This will be a wonderful learning experience even though it is very hard at times.

I hope that whoever you are you got something out of this. I'd love to talk to anyone who wants to talk about their life experiences, Jesus, the Bible, anything. So if you have a question or comment you can try out my new response form.

Some more verses that I like:

Isaiah 43:18-19
18 "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. 19 "Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.

Philippians 3:13-21
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; 16 however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. 17 Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. 18 For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, 19 whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. 20 For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; 21 who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.