I am usually very selective about who I let read my poems ('cause I don't trust?), and yet I have these here... Most, but not all, of the poems here were written when I was in a hard place emotionally. They are listed more or less chronologically. All are copywriten. I also have a poem Sally wrote a number of years ago.
A Child of God
A child of God yearning to be free Not for them, but for me Yet how do I shed this restrictive skin? Hardened by years of conforming and sin Glimpses of freedom are mostly fleeting Yet, my heart is gradually starting its beating Tears now freely stream down my cheeks It goes on and on and has for weeks The life I seek is playful and fun Walking the beach in starlight and sun
Fear grips me As I step gently from the box Wanting a life, yet rejection - It mocks! Only God can free my heart But can He be trusted to do His part? The years of fear have taken their toll I’ve built up walls - that’s been my goal
Fitting in because I should Do it right, yeah, I’ll be good Yet all the while I’m dying inside Desperate for life, no more can I hide Whatever it takes, I am willing to do Through tears and pain and loneliness too
Oh God are you there? Do you hear my cry? Unless you show up, my heart it will die I believe in you and have for years, But where are you now, I ask through my tears? Can I really trust you to be faithful and true? You know I want to, You know I do Yet emptiness is daily all that see I need to know you are here for me! Others tell me “you should know - God is faithful & true” yet my heart is hurting and I’m so blue I do believe, Lord, that you care And know somehow you will get me there But it is so hard now - my heart needs your touch Oh dear God, is that asking so much?
3-04-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Disappointment
Disappointment burns again in my heart I know it well, I have from the start I hoped, I believed that they would be there And yet again at the clock I just stare Many times their reasons are sound Yet the pain again in my heart is found Oh God, only you are faithful and true But I still hurt, you know that I do Turning to you w/ all of my pain I need your presence please don’t refrain You be my comfort, my helper, my friend Fill me with love help me to bend Help me to forgive and minister grace Anger and resentment, Lord they have no place In my heart, my life or on my face So help me Lord to try again Help me in this not to sin
3/04/02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Confusion
Confusion haunts my mind Exclusion - is that the way to go? Resolution is what many tell me Illusion is that what it is? Infusion is what I need Profusion is how much I want Delusion - I hope it is not this!
3-11-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Time Can Sometimes Heal
Time can sometimes heal Yet time can also steal A friend can, for us, be there, Yet a friend can also bring despair God is in control, in him you must trust But how can you trust someone you distrust? Candle burning in the night Incense burning yet not so bright Attaining to perfection Hurting from rejection
A Hawk is gliding through the sky It is captured in God’s eye Or is it resting in God’s hand Some things I just can’t understand
How can we believe in what we cannot see How do I have faith, It doesn’t start from me
I have no problem believing God is in control, And He helps us daily or so I am told Yet in my heart, I crave for more To know His love, yet where is the door, To free His presence in my heart To birth a passion, but how does it start I want so desperately my heart to be free To know with assurance that He loves me I have prayed, I have cried to know He’s true But how to get there, I haven’t a clue
Faith is a gift from God’s loving hand I give up my striving - wow, strike up the band As I learn who I am and learn to be me Not cause I should but just for me And to do what I want is really ok Thank you Ford! You made my day I am learning to trust to share my thoughts The crazy, the scary, yes at times I’ve fought Yet I send you my love, my thanks and a prayer For talking me through it, for just being there I question it all, yet you are still here What a blessing that is - you’re such a dear! Yet Janice & Lydia help carry the load, There are others too walking this road With me through my healing my pain, my delight They’ve all remained faithful even when I’ve concede the fight. Yet God is still patient, He is waiting for me To get to that point to get to be free~!
3-13-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Time
Sleep is fleeting My heart is beating My mind is racing Faster pacing To do list is growing The pressure I am knowing
Spring is coming Spring’s now here! Time is flying through the year I’ll do it tomorrow, Wow, that was last week Slowing it down is now what I seek What happened leisure What happened to rest Just slow down! Surely you jest!
As a child, a day was oh so long Each year’s now faster It seems so wrong Carpe diem - Seize the day Seize it? I can’t catch it, Much less make it stay Oh, another day has flown away!
3-13-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Beliefs
Most of my decisions were made for me It was done in a way that no one could see Oh, I was deciding, but not from my heart Doing it right, doing my part So much that I’ve done was done for others Their mores, their preferences and even their drathers Have controlled my life, have hemmed me in Breaking out now, it seems like sin To be free to decide what I want to do, Based on what I want, and enjoy that too! Yet, at times it is hard to know what to do
At this point, I’ve got more questions than answers, it is true As to what is good or bad for ME, I haven’t a clue Oh I know what I’ve been taught through osmosis and teaching What is expected, what is proper and right yet I am reaching For what it is that I believe, what is important to me My morals, my values and all my beliefs I know what they say is right or wrong, But is it for me, a belief that’s strong A conviction or preference, or neither at all It was so simple, yet now I’ve the gall To throw off constrain and all cares to the wind As I determine my beliefs as my heart is on the mend
Yet even a deeper question I ask Am I really up for this task? The question resounds from the core of my being Who am I, I asks I hope soon to be seeing That will be for another poem, not now Not sure when or why or even how.
3-15-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
What Good is a Lawn
What good is a lawn you cannot enjoy Let it take you back to when you were a boy Frolicking and chasing a butterfly or two Are you able to go there - Do you have a clue? Of how to let go, of how to be free To slide your toes through the soft green sea Or have you forgotten as Peter in Hook How to chase a butterfly or how to look Not just to look, but really to see As you watch an ant or chickadee To watch the clouds, to smell the air And notice the subtle fragrances there To gaze at the shadows playing hide -n- seek Does this connect, has your interest been peaked?
3-17-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Emotions are running rampant My thoughts don’t want to be controlled There is a pain in my heart that’s consuming What will it take to be consoled?
3-18-02
Stepping onto the Path
As a good red wine improves with time, So can we, if we can get our mind To let go of the past and take a risk To step out of our box, do you get the gist?
What I am saying is this, it's time to jump in Without all the fear and worry of sin, Of doing it right, of pleasing them all Cause it's time for me to make the call To jump into life and enjoy each day. Am I really there? - it's hard to say But I am ready to try, to give it my all With the support of my friends, in the times I will fall Oh I will blow it, and doubt, it's true From time to time, I won't have a clue Again, I am ready to try, to give it my all I've got the guts, and even the gall To say it is not over, a new life awaits I am not worn out, it is not too late To start a new life, to live from my heart To develop new guidelines, to learn the art Of seizing each day To take time to play
Before now, I was only learning the path Now I am ready to walk the path
So what caused this change inside of me A number of things have caused me to see That there is value and worth in who I am And if others aren't with me, I don't give a damn Furthermore, books and songs and the Matrix and time My visits with God and writing these rhymes
And oh dear Ford, thanks for the tears For opening your heart, you have negated the years Also my chatting on the web and the phone With kindred spirits that really do condone My adventure
3-29-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Kisses
Kisses are so sweet and fun
Kisses for the night and sun
Kisses from the one you love
Kisses were created by God above
Kisses can help to ease the pain
Yet they can cause the tears to rain
Kisses on the neck and cheek
Kisses on the lips are oh so sweet
A kiss can sometimes say it best
A kiss can put a fight to rest
A kiss can make the passions flow
Our mind says stop, but emotions say go
A kiss can cause desire
And they can really start a fire
At times we live for that first kiss
At one time we lived for the first kiss
A kiss can be gentle or even rough
You can kiss in clothes or in the buff
It is sad that a kiss that for love was made
Can also be forced and cause the heart to fade
A kiss can be nice and sweet
A kiss can be long and deep
Some don’t even like to kiss
Yet they don’t know what they miss
A kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the head
A kiss on the sofa, a kiss in the bed
A kiss that is deep and lasts a while
These are the best and can make you wild
A kiss can say I want you, a kiss can say I care
A kiss can even be a dare
A kiss from a little girl is just so sweet
Yet when she is older, it can knock you from your feet
You can peck on the cheek or a kiss you can be blown
Yet what better way can our love be shown
Some are dry, some are wet
Some reek of smoke and awful breath
And some beget forgetfulness
4-08-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Flying
Still warm night
Out the window
flying
Freer, freer, ever freer
Spread our arms like an eagle’s wings
Soaring higher and higher
Turn, fall toward the ground
Not too fast
Pull out gracefully
Skim, just above the meadow grasses
A little higher now
Roll - just us and the stars
Under the canopy of the trees
Separate
Play hide & seek
Gotcha
Grab hands like Peter & Windy
Her touch is warm and makes me fell good
Also secure
Look! over there, a large oak
Slowly, good! settle into a large limb
Gazing out over the meadow
Laughing, no giggling like 2 kids
Fireflies beckon
The warm air laps our cheeks
Lets go!
Again to the sky
Rested now we soar faster and faster
Free, unencumbered, secure
Nothing else matters - just this moment
Look, up ahead!
Smell it? A huge wisteria vine
The air nearly has weight to it with the heady fragrance
Circling a while, quiet, drinking it all in
Back to the adventure
Resting in the air - gliding as a hawk
Oh my - in the distance
Can it be?
Is it
YES! The ocean
Lets go!
4-11-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Is it worth it?
Is it worth it to open out heart and try?
Or why not just give up and die?
Another disappointment another heartache
Why go on for another heartbreak?
Oh there has been fun and some hope
Yet for 50 yrs, my hope keeps getting broke
Hope differed makes the heart grow sick
I know that well. We are in it so thick
So why open up and let our hearts out?
When disappointment is what it is ultimately about?
The thought of trying again & again...
Fuck it all, I would rather just sin
& get wasted today, tomorrow, and more
There is just no way to settle the score
For to hope again just to get more pain
Is something from which I would rather refrain
Waves of tears keep flowing...
4-9-02 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Colorado - Jan 03 While watching skiers in the snow I give a sigh - I want to go outside and frolic in the show Yet my body aches and feels like flu Whether it is altitude sickness or not, i haven’t a clue Although it is good to do some my reading It is hard to be grounded as time is so fleeting I want to do it all - from boarding to skiing to exploring the resort and even some sightseeing My view’s superb, up 4 stories, and I am facing the mountain, setting sun and the sky Watching the boarders fly down the trail Kicking up their snowy rooster tails The setting sun is warm, my chair’s in its glow As I hope that tomorrow again I can go A drawback that the base of the mountain endures Is that the sun, early on the mountain obscures
January - '03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Well, I was going to...
Well, I was going to be "up" and cheer you up..... but I didn’t
I was going to tell you to come sit on the sofa and tell me all about it...
but I didn’t
I was going to listen and encourage you...but I didn’t
I was going to ask you to go for a walk..but I didn’t
I was going to be your friend...but I didn’t
I was going to tell you that God is in control and it will be alright...
but I didn’t
I was going to take you to get coffee... but I didn’t
I was going to be there for you like you are for me... but I didn’t
I have prayed for you today, but I couldn’t be there for you and I am sorry.
11/13/03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Woods
They once were woods - open & free
I played there often as a little me
But now the wild azaleas and wild flowers are gone
Progress has arrived
Instead of the tree tops I now see roof tops
They protected me from the world and now the world is staring in my backyard
11-13-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
What Emotion?
There’s a feeling I get from time to time I got it today, so I’m writing this rhyme to help me define what I am feeling this time The feeling is sad, but oh so much more Will retracing my steps help me open the door? Thinking back to the events of the day.... I went to the kennel & visited some friends with 4 legs, and a tail, they’re willing to befriend From there to a nursery, but a garden would do For either triggers this feeling - this is a big clue I can feel this emotion by going to places that were part of my life, where my heart left traces This elusive emotion, I’ll now try to define It is like the loss of a friend - empty & blind Melancholy’s descriptive of this state of my heart I now know more than I did and that’s a good start But what do I call this feeling that’s stirring inside? And what is the reason I feel something has died? And what do I do with it? 7-22-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Dreams Where would I live Where would I go What would I do What would I know My answers aren’t there, they are shrouded in fear I am tied up in knots, my vision’s not clear I can’t seem to answer, imagine or dream Or know how I feel - at least that’s how it seems But, if I could get rid of the fear Where would I go? How would I spend the next year? As I try to embrace these thoughts and just dream... And let my imagination flow like a stream I still have one fear that crushes my hope “You’ll run out of money, you’ll then be broke”. But what if.... What if I could Silence the fears of all that I should do to please others & do it just right? I’d dream of travel, dancing and fun Of walking topless down the beach in the sun I’d visit w/ strangers - ride my bike through the day And at night, I’d camp out - under the stars I’d lay I’d still walk barefooted for most of the time I’d live where it’s warm, a place that’s sublime I’d easily laugh, be cheerful and kind And if someone wasn’t nice to me, I really wouldn’t mind I’d take many pictures of people and places And work to capture expressive faces And I wouldn’t get embarrassed to share my thoughts Nor would I always feel like I ought I’d smile and whistle and run just for fun I’d swim & snowboard and lay in the sun And hang out at Starbucks to get to know others That like to visit and share their drathers The friends that I make will be faithful and true They’ll understand grace and not judge others who are struggling with life and haven’t a clue They’ll not be religious and in fun they’ll delight They’ll know that life isn’t all black & white My walk with the Lord would be strong and secure And wouldn’t waiver from things I endure
2-11-03 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Call of the Wild I am sitting in my car, the light has yet to turn Rolling thunder's coming down the road My heart begins to yearn As the iron horse nears my spot the adrenaline begins to flow I want to be on my bike I want to be on the go I think of packing up my bags and getting on the road of leaving all that is safe behind I feel I may explode How can I dare explain the exhilaration of the ride the wind blowing in my face you are part of the countryside you feel the subtle changes of temperature and light you smell the passing flowers or sea breeze in the night Evoking many emotions from peaceful calm to fear the rush of acceleration and worry of seeing a deer Maybe a dog can really relate as it rides inside a car with head outside the window hoping to drive real far 6/12/05 ©bill funkhouser 2005
Lonely in Paradise Paradise, it seems, should be A place of peace and joy and rest And that it is, and so much more To live here, is to truly be blessed There's the balmy breeze And sandy beach to feel between your toes The mood is casual and most of the year You can even wear less clothes But don't forget the feast for the eyes In the verdant and floral delight And the fragrance that wafts From orange blossoms in spring The aroma is sure to excite There's a progression of light at the end of most days As the sun sets over the Gulf The clouds are aglow with a mass of colors The whole sky it does engulf And many a night the stars are so bright When the moon does not appear Venus is first to shine in the night Then myriads of stars become clear But when the moon is full and bright There are shadows playing in the sand It reflects on the water and lights up the night Your awe it does command And the sound is there whether dark or light As the waves come in to shore At times it is so gentle, and laps at the beach Other times it is wild and roars But loneliness can still creep in To my blissful tropical isle It steals the joy right from my heart And loves to abduct my smile Businesses can numb the pain For many days it seems But sooner or later my heart screams out As it looses some of its dreams Hope flows out and with it is A release of numerous tears. The emptiness, despair and pain I try to drown with another wine or beer Oh I know, that God is here And to Him I often go But He's the one that said it's not good for man to be alone After checking e-mail yet another time Hoping someone is there I try to write, to read, to sleep Hoping tomorrow will answer my prayer A friend who is very special And has lived in this area too Said I would rather be lonely in paradise Than anywhere else, its true 11/19/05 ©bill funkhouser 2005
All poems Copyright © 2005 William L Funkhouser 111
"Christianesse"
by Sally (Skylar) Funkhouser
Mediocrity
It consumes me
I want to run into the arms of my Saviour
And give Him my problems
I want to get past this dreary land
But where am I?
I wish I knew
BUt I feel that I've gone to a certain point and stopped
I'm fat!
Full of Christianesse
It makes me look good, but what am I doing worthy of praise?
I feel that my devotional/quiet time with Jesus in the morning is necessary
Yet I don't feel like I'm growing
I learn exciting things, only to be squashed by my tedious education
I'm fasting so that I can move beyond my unseen barriers
Yet I feel as though I'm only going without meals
Is it supposed to be like this?
How did the men and women of the past fast?
How did Jesus do it for 40 days?
I feel that if I weren't at school, I might learn more
But I also feel that I probably wouldn't make it the whole time
Does a fast require cutting out more than just food?
Should I cut out music too?
Should I do nothing but classes, studying and sleep?
At times it's hard for me to feel like I have any impact
I'm at a Christian college where Jesus is talked about like an organized subject
I do love You!
But is it evident in my life?
Do people notice that I want to be different?
That I want to serve You anyway I can?!
That I'm desperate for something new?!
Anyone can do what I'm doing (and a lot of people do)
But I want to go where most don't want to
Please open my eyes and take away any distractions or vile thoughts
Be Lord of my life
Show me how to get past the sunday school answers
I've imagined getting closer to You
Take me to where I can't imagine!
Challenge my mediocrity!
Put people in my life that make me seek You more
This is my honest cry!
I now rest in Your arms.
@Sally Funkhouser 2003
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