Fun Stuff!

Jokes

Things We're Tired of Hearing / Would like to hear more of
Parenting Glossary of Terms
Things a Mother of Multiples doesn't want to hear
Expectant Fathers and Professions
If There Were Three Wise Women......
You Know You're a Mother When....

Things We're Tired of Hearing:

You've got your hands full! (Better full than empty!)
Are they identical? (No, one's a girl...)
That's my worst nightmare! (You don't have very vivid dreams, do you?)
I'm glad they're yours and not mine. (So are we.)
Did you do it three times that night? (You're lucky we only have three...)
Are you having more? (Are you?)
Did you use drugs? (Only since they started teething...)
Wait until they start walking! (And then what - cut off their legs?)
Why aren't they dressed the same? (Because they're siblings, not clones.)

..and Things we'd like to hear more of...

What beautiful children...
You're so lucky...
How do you keep your house so clean?
It must be so much fun! (And most of the time, it is!)
I don't know how you do it - you must be wonderful parents!
What a beautiful mother!

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Parenting Glossary of Terms

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.
PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words.
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house

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Things a Mother of Multiples doesn't want to hear from:

OB/GYN: OH, OH!!!

Spouse: What's for dinner?

Store Clerk: These were on sale LAST week.

Child: Sister won't share your lipstick with me.

Mother-in-law: When I was raising MY children....

Teacher: The class field trip is $20.00 per child, payable by Friday.

Mother: You need more rest, dear.

Mechanic: I have good news and bad news....

Child (in car): How come we had to go with you and brother got to stay
home by himself?

A Singleton Mom : When I was pregnant....

A Parent of Twins: How hard could one more be?

A Friend: Those extra pounds look good on you.

Principal: We have a slight problem....

Easter Bunny: I thought I had problems....

Child #1 (for birthday): I want a clown.
Child #2 : I want pony rides
Child #3 : I want a magician
Child #4 : I want a sleepover

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Expectant Fathers and Professions

Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations! You are
now the father of twins!"
"What a coincidence!" the man exclaims, "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!" "Wow, what a coincidence!" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong? I work for Seven-Up!!!!!"

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You DO know what would happen if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise men, don’t you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, fed the animals, made a casserole, sent out the announcements and bought disposable diapers as a gift!
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