January 6, 1992

Many times I've thought it would be well if a log were kept of the noticeable changes in Joan's struggle through Alzheimers. Procrastination was my usual response. Also a failure to admit the problem was Alzheimers and not simply forgetfulness.  Tonight Joan had an especially bad time and I thought I would, best as I can, recapitulate her experiences since what seemed the beginning of her problem.

The first clue that something was amiss came on our Erie Canal Hudson River trip. September 1984, our Golden Anniversary. When we were checked into our cabin and were invited to the Captain's welcoming party she became upset and said she wouldn't go.  After resting a while we did go and Joan seemed to enjoy it. On a stop, several days later, in Newport, RI we walked around the city.  Joan became concerned we would get lost.  Even when we were in sight of the dock she refused to believe it and stood studying a map trying to determine where we were.  When a couple from the boat came along Joan asked them the way back;  it was only two blocks, and she accepted their directions.

That seems to be the first strong sign that there was something unusual taking place.  Interestingly it was on another cruise, LA to Fort Lauterdale via the Panama Canal (1987), that Joan became very upset.  Upset meaning everything was wrong with the boat and the accommodations.  We had the finest suite of rooms on the boat.  It took much talking by myself and our friends the Myers to calm Joan.  The Myers said they would be most happy to change cabins;  that helped.  In the intervening three-year period there was increased forgetfulness;  Joan met that by taking notes and keeping reminders.

Our last year in Sun City, 1988-89, her forgetfulness was becoming more obvious.  That is apparently why she was dropped as a library volunteer--a very hurtful experience.  It was in these last two years she became very reluctant to have me attend any church or Citizens for Self Government meetings.  When I offered to resign my responsibilities she didn't want that to happen.  By the time we were getting ready to leave Sun City in May of 1989, her problems were becoming more evident.  Going back to Three Lakes and getting the diagnosis of my cancer brought on a diminishing of her capabilities.  She did most of the house work without any great problems.  She very much enjoyed our Mondays at the museum.  Joan was a very good docent--even though she created some interesting phases of Three Lakes history.  She continued to drive, and even drove a bit on our move to Wenatchee--but with some obvious problems.

By the time we settled in in Wenatchee (November 1989) her problem was evident.  The laundry equipment and even the TV became too difficult to operate.  I was very impatient and told her over and over it was the same TV we had in Three Lakes and she could work it if only she would pay attention.  How wrong I was;  I had no idea what she was going through.  How frustrated she must have felt, and hurt by my lack of understanding.  She certainly had experienced a number of stressful experiences:  leaving Sun City (her favorite home), going through my bout with cancer, selling and leaving our beautiful home on Medicine Lake and moving into a new home and new community.

In the Fall of 1989 we went to Grand Coulee Dam and saw the laser show.  The next day we planned to continue north into Canada.  We drove about an hour and she became very disturbed, insisting that we were lost.  I stopped the car and showed where we were on the map and where we were going.  That didn't help;  at each house we passed she wanted to stop and call Dave to come and get us.  When I told her Dave wasn't home she wanted to call Dr. Kjobech.  I convinced her we would drive another 30 minutes and then we would hit highway 97 from which point we would head back for Wenatchee.  Even when we got to highway 97 and the sign pointed to Wenatchee she wasn't too sure.

It was about this time, Fall of '89, that she stopped driving a car and found it impossible to prepare even simple meals, like scrambled eggs.  Kay invited us over for a cookout and Joan offered to bring a salad--she had no idea how to make a salad.  Dave and I failed to persuade her to see a doctor about her forgetfulness.  Her comment was, "You think I'm going crazy."

We spent that winter in Santa Barbara.  She was happy to see and play with Joanna and Robbie and to be with Dan and Sarah.  We got back to Wenatchee in the Spring, 1990.  It was becoming evident that her speech was being effected.  By mid summer she had mentioned a number of times that she knew something was wrong and even suggested it would be a good idea to see a doctor;  When I made an appointment she refused to go.  But several weeks later she agreed to go.  His diagnosis was Alzheimers.  He characterized it as a relentless disease--and it surely is.

In December of 1990 we again drove south, for a month in Sun City and two months in Santa Barbara.  Dr. Garver, the neurologist, didn't think much of the idea;  he said, "Good luck".  I found out on the second and following days what he meant.  She became extremely upset and pleaded with me to stop and ask directions.  Even the promise of seeing Dan and family didn't calm her.  It was a miserable time for me and a terror for Joan.  If we weren't half way I would have turned around and gone back.  Somehow we managed. We could never have driven back,  so Jerry flew out and drove the car back and we took the plane to Wenatchee.  Arriving at Pangborn at night she was certain we could never find our home. When we got into our garage and she recognized things she said it was a miracle.

It was in Santa Barbara that she left the house about midnight and walked down the street.  I had helped her get into her night clothes and then went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  When I came out there was no sign of Joan.  Usually she has a great deal of trouble with locks but not this time.  A squad car brought her back.  I have no idea how he knew where to bring her--she surely couldn't give her house number.  Pretty scary and clearly time to go home--February 1991.

The Spring and Summer of 1991 saw changes in speech, balance, walking and a loss in ability to dress and undress.  By the Fall she had become incontinent.  Thick pads seem adequate.  By this time she also was unable to brush her teeth or wash herself.  It isn't the work of taking care of her that is wearing it is the almost constant need to convince her of the need to dress, go to bed, to the toilet, brush her teeth, eat, etc.  Some nights it is a lost cause and she goes to bed with her clothes on.  In the morning getting her to agree to being washed becomes a challenge.

Respite center is a help--when she agrees to go.  She will usually tell me she feels sick, so how can one get her to go?  When she goes she clearly enjoys it, I have trouble getting her back home.  Dave and Diane are a big help. Dave takes her out almost every Saturday--he doesn't ask her if she wants to go, he just says, "We're going".  That's a lesson I must learn.
 To continue on to 1992, click here.